Coming Home to Myself

0:05 Yo yo, this is BradQuan, host of the Weirdinary podcast and recently I was asked what my favorite restaurant is and without a doubt I said Son of Egg. Located at 483 Broadway in Rinsley, New York. Why Son of Egg? Because every time I step foot in this establishment, I instantly feel a celebration of community, creativity, intellectualism, and humanity. And I mean, it goes without saying, but I'm gonna say it anyway. The food is spectacular. Now, why is this spectacular, you ask? Well, my god. Because whenever I bite into it, I feel like I'm at home. Tappiness on a bay. 483 Broadway, New York. You want to eat? Eat with the best.

1:16 All right. All right. Yo yo. Welcome to another episode of Weirdinary. I'm your host, BradQuan, and today I have a very special guest. She is a Troy, New York native, raised by Rosemary and Lewis Caruso. She earned her GED and studied culinary arts in hotel and restaurant management at Sunni Skenctity County Community College. She is an experienced chef and former restaurant owner. She married her best friend Kareema in 2018. She began her wellness journey in San Diego in 2019, leaving pills and alcohol behind. She ran Canop Pride, a CBD company and hosted community gatherings and wellness events. She returned to New York around 2021 and 2022 and co-founded Alchemy Wellness Shop with Kareema located here at 17 South Church Street in Skenctity, New York. and she shares wellness practices through sound healing, energy work, herbs, cold pressed juices, and supplements. This is an individual that I am honored to be able to sit here with. Uh we've been having we we had this plan for probably about a month now, and I'm glad that it finally came into fruition. Uh she's a very busy individual, and the fact that she was able to carve time out to talk to me, uh it it it means a lot. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, Tara Caruso, my friend. How are you? Great. How are you?

2:53 I'm absolutely fantastic. Um, I am again, I'm I'm I'm I'm honored to to be able to sit here with you. Um, you guys have so much going on, you know what I mean? And for you to just to just give me this space uh and to give me just to enthusiastically do it, you know what I mean? This is like like you really wanted to do this, you know what I mean? I'm like, man, I love this. Yeah. It means so much to me and you know somebody like you, you really move within your purpose, you know what I mean, within alignment. So for somebody such as yourself to be eager to do something like this, it it it gives me that reassurance that I'm actually doing what I'm supposed to be doing. [clears throat] You know what I mean? And uh it just uh I don't know. It's like I know you're not supposed to look for uh for external validation, but sometimes it's nice when you get it. You know what I'm saying? [laughter] It it it makes me it makes me feel good. And um just the energy that you harbor and just the person that you are, I really want to peel into the makings of you uh to better understand you and how this business came to be and just your entire lifestyle.

4:00 Um so my first question to you Tara, what did feeling safe look like for you as [clears throat] a child? H it's a good question and also thank you for having me here. Of course. It's amazing what you're doing. Thank you. Yeah, much needed. Um so what made me feel safe when I was a child? Um, you know, I would say just being like in my space, you know, my room maybe with, you know, the things that I enjoyed being around um, you know, my parents. I definitely felt safe within the company of my parents. So, yeah. Fair enough. So, uh, if I'm not mistaken, so you said before when we spoke briefly, um, this is a while ago, you said that your parents argued a lot. They did growing up, you know. Um, it uh I mean I feel like I don't know it's pretty common in a sense, but also I mean they've been together for so long that they kind of find I find that they um figured it out as they went, but you know oftent times they would definitely argue and uh it could be over a little.

5:27 they just triggered each other, you know, being around each other so much. And so, um, yeah, and we weren't really taught how to work on our triggers. Um, so that's kind of like why it happens. I feel that's what I was going to Okay. The lack of communicate, the lack of healthy communication results in like like just the explosions and the trigger points and uh more often than less. [laughter] Let me ask you, were you the only child? Do you have any siblings? I have a brother. Um, he's uh a little bit older than me. I believe he's 54. Don't quote me to it. I'm terrible. Um, but yeah, he was around most of my life on and off. Uh, and then eventually he moved out to Salt Lake City, Utah. Okay. When I was like a teenager. So, um, but yeah. What was your relationship like with him growing up? You know, it was actually really positive. Um, we we uh I'm sure we triggered each other a little bit um back in the day, but it wasn't like a lot of people that grew up with their siblings. It was like quite different actually. Like I felt like um we had a good like we vibed out, you know, when we did he was busy a lot. He was away at college a lot. So, but when we did spend time, it was more like uh nice like arguing and beating each other up and stuff, [laughter] you know.

6:57 Understood. And uh tell me so so being around so so so being around arguing and not understanding the triggers and whatnot like uh as you began to come into yourself and I guess find a sense of normaly within just the natural dysfunction that comes within any household. Um, what did your childhood teach you about how to handle pain and discomfort and whatnot? Well, I was definitely like, you know, okay to cry, okay let emotions out and stuff like that, you know, I was never told like stop crying or things like that. um which is good, you know, but uh I would say it just I didn't learn about um healthy communication overall or uh that type of thing until I was much older. So, I think arguing and or disagreements with lack of boundaries and healthy communication became more normalized throughout my life. like maybe I didn't have boundaries with people is kind of what it led to. I feel like um being like taken advantage of here and there and also um you know Yeah.

8:20 Do you feel like you were a people pleaser? Absolutely. Okay. Absolutely. From where do you think that stemmed from exactly? Definitely your childhood, you know, you want to um you know maybe I think I would say that's where it stemmed from. Yeah. Yeah. I guess I guess I can't help but to just always try to like peel like do you think kids do you remember like a specific like occurrence or whatnot? You know that actually brings me into uh I want to ask about your relationship with your parents. Yeah. Uh describe your relationship to me uh with your mother. She's always been like a nurturing mother. um always did whatever she could for me to make sure I had, you know, everything I needed. Okay. And she was always very like uh like we we especially in my younger years, like she was just always above and beyond for me, you know. Um she did work a lot. She's a a nurse um a registered nurse uh since, you know, before I was even born. She's been a registered nurse on the mental health unit at Samaritan Hospital. So that's a very stressful environment, but uh she's always so she's literally a nurturer in that way. And then also as a mom, um I would say we would disagree to certain things because um the way I would state it now is I'm kind of like out of the matrix kind of vibe and she's like in the matrix sometimes kind of vibe. And so it's like that traditional go to school, get a career, be in the loop, you know, live live to pay bills kind of thing. Um, enjoy life,

10:13 but like this is how it is like, you know, and uh I kind of knew the system was [bleep] from a young age. So I think that's where we may have clashed. It could be as simple as, you know, I was, it's not forced like in a way where it's like uh mean or anything, but like they always, my parents always wanted the best for me. And so, for example, I was like, they had me in Girl Scouts. I [bleep] hated it. I [bleep] hated Girl Scouts. It was the worst for me. The girls were rude to me. Um, I was more like a tomboy kind of here and there and they were just like mean and every there was like clicks like it was like all the girls that went to like Catholic uh elementary school or whatever that were already friends like all stuck together and I was kind of like the oddball. So, I didn't like that. And then certain stuff like um religion class, I didn't really enjoy that. I enjoyed the people that I was there with, but I didn't really enjoy that. But that was another thing that my parents put me into, which again, it was their intentions were good. It was just I wasn't I wasn't always making the choices to do the things I wanted. So, our relationship was great. Uh, I would say in my teenage years, I was a little [bleep] I was like [bleep] super defiant to the system. And uh so it caused a lot of tension between me and my mom and I was hanging out with people that weren't probably the best to be hanging out with here and there. Um and you know eventually um you know I was just getting in trouble all the time and my mom was always bailing me out of trouble and um I know I I stressed her out in certain ways that maybe you know

12:08 I could have avoided but it's part of the journey. No, absolutely. Um, so yeah, our relationship was always good except for, you know, I did put her through a lot in my teenage years and uh, so we would argue a lot due to that and now our relationship is better than it was. Um, and I am very grateful for her. Yeah. And your father? Um, you know, he was definitely a great father growing up. Like he was uh, again, always above and beyond. And I was that kid that's like, "Can I have this?" You know, and and my mom would say no. Um and I would go and ask my dad and he would cave in and say, "Yeah." Um or vice versa. So um he was definitely um awesome, you know, growing up. He he uh he was a hockey coach, he was a barber, he was all these different things, security. M um so I got to learn a lot by being around him too. And uh you know they together him and my mom would always just take me on different experiences.

13:21 Disney we went on a cruise once. We to Universal Studios, Cape Cod, you know, just different places. Um and yeah, he he was he was definitely present as a father. I will say that. Okay. Yeah, he was a little like a little hardcore on the like, you know, like wanting things to be a certain way sometimes. And if if he felt like, you know, instead of like yelling at me or something, it would always be like like he would be the dad that would say like, "Stop [bleep] swearing." And I'm like, "Uh, you know what?" So, um, you know, I think I learned how to swear from him mostly. kind of stuck with me. But yeah, gotta love those contradictions [laughter] from parents, man. Oh my god. It's like the parent like your like your mother would tell you, "Stop yelling." Yeah. Yo, like what the hell? [laughter] You know what I mean? Yeah. No, that's exactly it. So, that's kind of how I grew up in that aspect. But that's what I mean by like it's like we could communicate healthier, but at the same time, the love was there um from both my parents, and I'm grateful for that. And you know, uh, we did argue on and off too, of course, through my teenage years. But, uh, ultimately, um, it's great because my parents are very proud of the person who I've become and I'm still becoming. And that to me means a lot that they got they're still around right now and able to like see me on this journey. Um, I'm grateful that they're still here, you know, and uh, yeah.

14:59 Let me ask um we so spoke about like communication with others, you know what I mean? Like interpersonal skills. Yeah. I don't think we ever focus enough on intrapersonal skills, like our relationship with ourselves, which brings me to my next question. What part of yourself did you learn to hide while growing up? Um, well, I mean, I've always been myself, per se, but I guess I would hide certain things depending on the people I was around. So, that gets like it's like people I don't know if that's really considered people pleasing, but it's more like in a way. Yeah. Because you're you're you're dimming my light in a sense. Yeah. You're portraying yourself in a way that makes other people comfortable. Yeah. trying to shrink into certain spaces that I never needed to shrink into because I was always um my energy was always this way. Mhm.

16:03 But it was suppressed in a sense, you know. Um and so my relationship with myself was like I think I lacked uh I lacked certain things like the self-love and believing in myself and certain things. Um because I wasn't really taught that. Not saying my parents were supposed to teach me that or anything, but like some people just have that naturally, some people don't. And I was one of those people. So my relationship with myself was I I could have treated myself better in certain ways. But now along this journey, um I get to implement that and continue to grow in that way. Understood. Yeah. You said that uh you hated Girl Scouts. Uh [laughter] you didn't like I [snorts] I feel like it's not because you didn't like the outdoors though. No. Yeah. Cuz I I definitely like like the way you the way you move with your philosophy. I'm like this is somebody that definitely loves nature. I love nature.

17:09 Uh it was you said that you didn't like the uh the other girls weren't nice to you, right? So you felt like you didn't cuz you were a tomboy. you didn't quite fit in to that. I don't know if that was even it or if it was just my uh it's hard to explain. I I look back on it and I really don't know. I mean, I feel like it's just because they all knew each other and um I wasn't like welcomed in in that way. Um and sometimes it was like that because the same girls were in like Girl Scouts, the same girls were in like basketball with me for example. So, it was like they were, you know, I went to the public school, they went to the uh, you know, Catholic school, and my my parents wanted to put me into Catholic school at one point. And I'm so grateful that they didn't. No offense. Um, I just it wasn't for me. And so, I think it worked out like that cuz they were full at one point and then something else happened. So it was like looking back on it that was like a blessing in disguise for me cuz I just didn't Yeah.

18:17 But um yeah, ultimately that that feeling kind of like left out vibe, but I loved nature. I was camping from a young age and um always outside and always like you couldn't get me back in, you know. Uh so it was definitely not that part. [snorts] And you spoke about the whole religion thing. I obviously your parents were they were Catholic. Yeah, I grew up Catholic and uh went to church every Sunday. Got my baptism, got my communion, all that good stuff. What is your perception of uh Catholicism? Well, um what like you mean like religion in general? Catholic specifically? Let's Yeah. Yeah. Let's tap on Catholic specifically and then go into religion as a whole. Yeah. Well, I believe in a higher power. I believe in source, you know, I believe in in in that aspect of it. Um, and I'm grateful all the time. I'm always in my gratitude.

19:26 But I believe that uh Catholic uh and any religion is kind of just a way to divide people and conquer people and and um it sucks because it's the people that don't like the people with good intentions, they kind of get reeled into it and um they don't know any better. It's just like but a lot of the people have never really read the Bible. A lot of people don't even know what they are praying to or like the full story and there's so much misconception on everything. All the texts have been messed with over the years. like but ultimately if you really read some of that stuff from the Bible and from the um what is it the the uh scriptures and stuff it's pretty dark some of it and uh I don't know I guess it didn't resonate with me personally uh long term like when I was a kid it was like it was what it was that was just what I we did you know you went to church on Sundays you went on holidays if if somebody um passed away, you have the service in the you know, you have part of it in the church, then you go to the cemetery. And a lot of that stuff just didn't didn't resonate with me. Um but ultimately, I think it's a way to kind of brainwash people. I think religion overall is a way to sort of brainwash people into believing there's only one way or one in any other way is not this way or the right way. And that's that's actually a really good point that leads me into my other question because you said that [snorts] essentially like your

21:21 relationship with your mom, it really made you like you got to a point where you questioned traditionality and you're like this is this is not like the only way like because life isn't linear. You know what I mean? That's not the path the path to the path to success nobody will ever say is linear. You know what I mean? Anybody that's really attained like success by really following their purpose, you know what I mean? That's just that's the truth for that's the truth for success, for enlightenment, just for life as a whole. What experience made you basically say, "Fuck this shit." Um, I think more so the more I became into like wellness, [snorts] um, when I became plant-based, I really, and that was back in 20 between 2018, like middle of 2018ish, we became like plant-based. So, we stopped eating meat, dairy, anything from an animal. Well, that was later. I'm I just want to focus on when you like your teenage years. Oh, and back then. Okay. I was going to say cuz that Yeah, that made me really reflect on it even further.

22:29 But in my teenage years, um I don't know. I just had the inner knowing. I think I just started to my the soul inside of me was just started to know things and started to move a certain way. Mhm. Yeah. You were talking about some Bible stories that are dark. Is there anyone in particular that really that really stuck out to you that like altered your perception in any way, shape, or form that you can um I can't remember the exact wording, but I know there's some in there that basically says like if you uh did something and you know the wrath would be like killing people and babies and something and I again don't quote me to it. I I can't remember the exact wording, but there's just different variations of things like that. um in there and uh it was just interesting to to see some of that. But I get it, there's light and dark. And I'm not saying the Bible or any religious book is bad by all means. I just think that a lot of it is um has that like fear-based in a sense. It's like creating fear into people. If you don't do this this way, this is what's going to happen to you also. Like and even the point of like when we think about heaven and hell. So if I'm if I'm gay, I'm going to go to hell. Or if I do this, I'm going to go to hell. Or if I do this, I'm going to go to heaven, you know. And it's like, well, what if what if like hell and heaven are frequencies actually?

24:06 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and what if we what if like you can have heaven on earth or you can have hell on earth? On earth. Yeah. Yeah. I've I've but why uh the fear to you know live your life in such a way where if you do anything in this way or that way this is the consequence it's like you know kind of wild I don't know now I've had these conversations often about about fear and it's like a lot of people believe that it's do you feel like fear Fear is a necessary factor in rearing one's humanity. Like is fear needed? No, I think fear is a frequency. I think it's a low vibrational frequency. I mean, love is the highest frequency and uh you know, well, love is one of the highest frequencies and um fear is one of the lowest frequencies. fears literally can cause so much in our bodies like so much disease and discomfort and it's like that's that's that's true that's valid but it's like is there not because like there's there everything exists on a spectrum right you know what I mean because one can be one can be courageous but if there's no fear that can lead you to your demise maybe you understand yeah Maybe interesting.

25:41 Yeah. I mean, I feel like if you the more you're in the state of fear, the more your nervous system is not relaxed and unable to you're unable to do the things that like cuz if fear is stopping you from something then it's almost like a blockage. Like it's not saying things can't be scary and maybe something can you know when you think about fear like if you fear something like I fear the wrath of this thing but what if it's going to happen anyway so you don't fear it and then you look at it differently so it's like um yeah like a frequency a state of being and the more you stay out of that um the more positive seems to come about I because whenever this example comes up Have you seen Godfather? Yeah. I always think of uh Sunny. [laughter] He had no fear, right? No fear at all. And that ultimately is what led to his demise. They use that against them. You know what I mean? And I see a lot of people like that. Like I I always think of like I always think of these tough guys. You know, they're never scared, but I'm like they're never scared, but they also move a certain way.

26:55 Okay. you know, like their intentions may be good in one way, but then in another way, it's like you're taking people's lives, you're doing this, you're doing that, so like the fear isn't there, which is why they're able to like move in that certain way and become so successful in their realm, right? It's like that's like successful. You got the money, you got all this stuff, you have people like fearing you or loving you, whatever, you know, some fear, some love, and then you so you like are then able to be like the boss energy, right? But ultimately, you can do that through love too. You can be just as respected and just as successful through love uh and intention as you can through like doing it through like fear. And you think that works in like helitary and like the underworld? Like you think you can lead by fear in that in that sense? I think that's all just like that different frequency, you know, where it's like um I know there's got to be the light and the dark and I know that uh you know there's also uh I don't really believe in like good and bad. I just believe it's like more of like a frequency thing. And so, uh, like, yeah, and a lot of the movies are that, like when you see the good versus evil, oftent times the good guys win cuz it's like that frequency always ultimately overcomes.

28:26 But I've come to learn in life that's a story that's a story that's constantly perpetuated. I understand why, but the good guys don't always win. Not always, but I feel like more often than less. I feel like it's the because even when the the the the negative energies like may seem like they're winning, then something else happens. Fair enough. In the long run. Yeah. And what you said about like not believing good or bad, like I I I've come to understand that when I started to really understand like the cosmos a little bit more and understanding life operating as like this cosmic force, like these things that we consider good and bad. Like the way we've come to understand that is really a fallacy in our thinking because everything is supposed everything that happens is supposed to happen. Exactly. And we don't necessarily understand why. Yeah.

29:25 But, you know, it's it's supposed to happen in in that way. It was just it was just it was it's just a part of the kind of Yeah. What what our our um like I I believe that things are kind of mapped out for us before we get here. And I believe that which is another reason why it's not good to have that fear because then it's like you're you're on this path and you just want to you know if anything stay in the frequency of like positivity, love, hope, faith, have the faith more than any faith over fear really. Um not to say I mean it's easier said than done. Yeah, fair enough. What belief about yourself from your adolescent years has been the hardest to unlearn? Probably self-worth, you know. Okay. The world is a cruel place and uh people don't always aren't always the kindest to each other and you know so I just feel like that the selfworth.

30:41 Yeah. What experience from that period of your life really shaped your understanding of the of just how cruel humanity can be? Um I just a lot of like what you see in middle school, high school, more high school especially where people are just like um you see like bullying and I mean you see it in in middle school maybe too more but Troy High was like a rough place. So, a lot of like bullying and uh hate hate speech and physical people got really like into physical altercations all the time and um just the stuff like the low blows people take at each other during arguments and yeah, it was very normalized, you know. Um and so it makes you kind of question made everybody I think question their selfworth. um at certain points. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

31:54 Let me ask. So, I'm I'm curious to understand understanding your self-worth and how sexuality plays a plays a role in and coming into that. When did you first feel that you were different in that sense? Do you think you questioning traditionality, do you believe your early feelings regarding your sexuality is kind of what helped spark that? Well, yeah. I mean, I I kind of just knew. Um I mean, I've I've always been it's really just a fluid energy, you know, but uh being kind of scared at one point to admit like, hey, I also like women. Um, and uh, growing up, you know, Catholic, it's like, yeah, that's like, am I going to go to hell? When should I let my parents know? And it's funny, I I I um I was like a late late teenager.

33:01 And I um I want to say I forget exactly what age I was at. It was definitely probably like when I was like 17. I'm just guessing here. Um, maybe 18. And I had told my parents after like worrying like what are they going to think? And it was funny because they were like no [bleep] They were like we really like don't care. Not like not care but like they were like okay so what do you want me to do? You know like I was like okay that's the release. I'm like so I'm like okay I'm not going to go to hell. you know, and they you know, and that's the other part, right? Cuz they believe in all this stuff, but they don't at the same time believe in all of it, but they still are avid churchgoers on Sundays and do the do. But yeah, that's part of like I would say when I uh started to come out in that way, um I don't have I I I'm very fluid as a as an energy, you know. Um, I've had relationships with both men and women throughout my life and um, we need each other. Men and women need each other. Women and women need each other. Men need other men as like friends, all that good stuff. So, it's just uh yeah, I don't have any some people are like extreme feminists like in the in the LGBTQ community and yeah, I I think we all uh need each other.

34:38 No, absolutely. You know, I've definitely come across I've definitely come across uh women within the queer community who absolutely despise men. Yeah. And I I mean to an extent I can understand, right? But it's just at a point it's like your message is completely being lost within the delivery cuz I mean misandry isn't something that because misogyny just completely takes precedent over that simply because of this the power that that that men unfortunately hold in this society. But Vandri is a thing and at some point you have to ask yourself like I mean on [snorts] your quest to becoming on your quest to becoming what it is you want to be like we can uh God what's that what's what's what's that quote man on the path to becoming your your highest being you can become what you hate the most. You know what I mean? Just getting lost in like the passion.

35:42 Just getting lost in the in the getting lost within your passion, not realizing that it's rooted so deeply in unresolved trauma. For sure. You know what I mean? For [clears throat] sure. Um and no, I I can I I I respect your approach because I I mean there's just there's a constant divide. Yeah, we can't divide. And I think that's this modern day um the queer community is it's a little bit overwhelming for me. Okay, I won't go down a rabbit hole and and touch on how uh like on all of my feelings towards it, but I will say that I I understand pronouns. I understand certain things, but like I prefer if we share each other's names. I prefer if we can just be fluid, be who we are without having to put ourselves into boxes. You know what I mean? Like, um, you know, oh, you're a lesbian or oh, you're this or oh, you're that. And it's like, well, at the end of the day, we are all energy, you know? We're just we're literally souls inside of bodies and we're all here to serve a purpose to humanity. And I think that you can identify as whatever you want. I, you know, um, yeah.

37:00 Is that even something that you feel like you have to tell people? No. Um, but you know, I've like volunteered certain places and done certain things and they give you the name tags and they want you to put like, you know, your pronouns and all this stuff. And for me, I'm like, what are my pron like I'm like it why do we even have to do that? Cuz it it makes it more I feel like part of that aspect in the new age things is like makes it harder um on others. And I feel like it's part of a secret agenda to divide people more than it is to actually gain respect and bring people together. It's like if you're a parent and your kid is like, "Hey, I want to be called, you know, these pronouns now and your parent is so used to calling you her or him." Now they're you want to be called like him, but you're a female and it's or whatever the case may be, you have to also give the parents like a break. You know, you can't be like I've gotten into arguments with people cuz I mess up their pronouns or something like that. It's like, "Dude, I that wasn't intentional. like I've been calling you this for so long. It's a habit like let me yeah, you know, adjust and I feel like people start attacking each other over that aspect and it gets so um ultimately I like things simplified. You can be whatever you want to be in this world. Um you can identify as whatever you want to but just be yourself and be open and be kind and compassionate to others in in that. Um, and so for me, like I said, I'm just a fluid person, but I am married to uh a woman. Um, but uh we're, you know, on this soul mission in this lifetime and we're just um yeah, like just kind of like I don't even know how to put it into words. It's just a very special

38:49 I think when you're see the thing about it is like when you're used to being oppressed like once you finally come into a sense of stability, a sense of power and understanding who you are like you weaponize that paint that's still there. You know what I mean? And you'll just, you know, you it it gives you uh it gives you a dopamine hit when you can now when you can now be on the attack at anyone you feel that's you know not respecting your house so to speak. It could just be an innocent mistake. You know what I mean? But it's like you know it's just like no like you lash out at this person. You know what I mean? And it and it helps you take back power that you felt was stripped from you. You know what I mean? for so long. I' I see that I see I see that uh I've seen that often. Um you know, and even in like the trans community and that's it's unfortunate because I've noticed that the that the queer community won't will be very judgmental towards them. Have you seen that? I feel like it everybody in the queer community is secretly judgmental towards each other.

40:00 Jesus. And it's very interesting because we're we're supposed to be all one. Yeah. Um and even outside of that, we are literally all one. Like we're all one no matter what if you're, you know, identifying as somebody that's queer or not. Um we are all here as one being. So it's the the thing is is like it's part of that agenda I feel like to cause division. It's always us versus first them. That's that's exactly where um you know there's dark energy in this world that wants to see us divide. And because the more we're distracted and divided, the more that things are happening behind the scenes that are not good, you know what I mean? That are not uh that are not, you know, going to help humanity. If anything, it's going to hurt humanity. But the more we are like this divided over race or gender or X Y and Z, you know, becomes this thing where it's like people want to be progressive like you know who's most like who's more woke like I'm more woke than you are. You know what I mean? I can remember these pronouns. I can you know you know [bleep] [bleep] like that everything becomes a competition.

41:17 Yeah. It's [bleep] weird. And I've definitely I mean I've definitely fallen into that because I mean I I'm not going to sit here and pretend like me being raised in the environment that I was like I was raised in a homophobic household. You know what I'm saying? Like that [bleep] was that [bleep] was wild. And you know you but at some point you have to take responsibility for the prejudices that you were taught. You know what I mean? At some point you have to stop. You can't blame your parents. Yeah. I'm a grown ass man. You know what I mean? And um you know I I I looked at a lot of I just looked at a lot of things. It just made me think. I'm like I'm black. I am my people have been oppressed for be just for simply being us now just who we are. are now obvious is there yes there's a difference between you know being black and being homosexual but regardless but it's still that the oppression is still 100% so being an oppressed being from an oppressed group oppressing another group it doesn't make [bleep] sense yeah and that's a lot of the like the way of the world I feel like but people are starting to wake up now more than ever and see that it's kind of a it's a conditioning that a A lot of us um we we come into this world innocent and we we literally like like I said I think all this that we sign up for this we have different like missions when we come here to serve humanity to to serve ourselves and um when you come into this world as a a newborn you're not racist you're not a straight you're not any of these things you are an innocent child that now like you're starting to learn things around you. You start to hear things through your parents, through others around you, then as you're watching TV and listening

43:12 to the news and listen to you start to hear things and pick up on things and it kind of sticks with you, right? But when we come into this world, we're not already like that. So it's the conditioning that was, you know, put in place for us. It's it's basically like it's kind of like this video game, right? It's like in order to keep leveling up, you have to like realize where each level really is like and the conditioning and the division has been placed there strategically for us. And eventually you you you kind of like level up from that and you realize like that was kind of like a hoax even though it's like real. it's really exists, right? But it doesn't at the same time. Like we we bring it to life as a whole. And it's always this this is just always such a complicated conversation. I don't feel feel like it has to be complicated because I feel like Mhm. I feel like when it I feel like you should I feel like kids should learn different lifestyles, right?

44:20 That you know what I mean? Because it's like one thing that I've come to, one thing that I believe is that inevitably we're going to come into somebody that that walks differently than we do, talks differently than we do, you know what I mean? Presents themselves differently, and that's not a problem. But when we're not taught that, that's okay. When we're not taught that weird, what just goes against the grain is in fact normal. You know what I mean? It just it it it creates this judgment that can potentially manifest itself into hate and that can lead to a multitude of different for sure things. And I just feel like I feel like kids should be taught different lifestyles, you know what I mean? There should be like a lifestyle classes, you know what I mean? And also like Yeah. Like emerging emerging kids into other cultures I think is very important. And I actually I know probably in school we had like you know little things or I remember like um each person would bring a dish of food from their um culture. Mhm.

45:28 Um I remember it like once really but I remember that. Yeah. But like other than that, I mean, you know, we're not like doing that on the regular. Uh, in school like home economics, we're cooking like [bleep] microwave Triscuit pizzas and then you have like that that happened. Yeah. [bleep] [laughter] Okay. Little toaster oven Triscuit pizzas and different things that, you know, so I feel like everything was more Americanized even in that class. But um for for me now at this age, I look back on it and realize how much uh even though my parents had great intentions, they were, you know, again, nothing bad to say, but it's like they didn't uh like we weren't in other cultures like that. Like we were very Italian American. Like when you think about it, we're not even eating our cultures food. Like I've been to Sicily, been to Italy and they're not eating this [bleep] that we're eating here. You know, their pizzas are different, their pasta dishes are much different.

46:36 Um, so I'm like, so growing up it was a lot of like my mom's cooking, which may be like, you know, chicken and rice, certain things, steak, mashed potatoes, you know, like um soups, salads, things like that. But then if we're ordering out, you know, she would cook like um Italian like American Italian, you know, like the chicken parmms and the lasagnas and the zitis and the that type of thing, right? Um but never did I ever go out to like a Greek restaurant or uh you know an Ethiopian restaurant or like a Japanese. Like we would have Chinese, but the [bleep] Chinese people aren't eating that. Yeah, that's like American [laughter] Chinese food. So growing up, I'm thinking like, "Oh, we're having Chinese food. Oh, we're having Italian food." But really, we weren't in a sense. And um it even just starting with the food, like experiencing other cultures, so it's more normalized, you know, Indian cuisine, I love that now. Japanese food, all all types, any culture, I would be willing to not only try the food, but go spend time there. Um, so we've, you know, me and my partner, we've been to like Egypt, we've been to, you know, France, we've been to Portugal, um, you know, Germany, Sicily, Greece, all these different places. And seeing the cultures and other people, um, it really makes you realize how much we're all alike in a certain way. Um, we may speak other languages, we may have different foods, things like that, but we're all humans and we're all here having that human experience. And we're all unique souls and the connections we've made by putting ourselves into other cultures have been something that money can't buy. Yeah.

48:25 You know, um, and that's taught me so much just just and I wish that it was more normalized in like our younger years. Yeah. school needs to really uh focus more on humanity 100%. Um more so than just, you know, [snorts] passing tests and and Yeah, because that none of that really matters, unfortunately. Well, not I meant like Yeah. Yeah. Well, no. 100%. Like a lot of what we learn in school is [bleep] Textbooks, all of it. So, but I thought you were saying that like none none of that matters to the education system. And I was like, yeah, unfortunately. But yeah, I get what you're saying. So yeah, needless to say, I think that that's important being um shown what things really are versus like what we've been told or taught or maybe you just never looked into it. And even the stuff you see on the news about how bad and unsafe all these places are when ultimately they're actually really safe and our news here is kind of [bleep] but that's another topic. But like yeah, experiencing these places like amazing. Let me ask you something and it's slightly like controversial, but it's something that I've wanted to talk to somebody about because it's something that people constantly exaggerate. Have you ever heard of something called drag story time? Drag story time. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

49:52 So, a drag queen comes in and reads to children, right? Is that a problem to you? I would say it's not a problem to me. Um, I just think that if if it's a problem to others, maybe like don't choose that activity for, you know, your kids. I think that it's they're out there in the world. it's um a thing and it it can be quite fun, you know, to experience a drag show of any kind or uh that um I think that it gets misassociated with certain other things that are kind of like controversial right now. People will say that there are people who believe that that's a way of sexualizing children. I don't believe that, but I want to know what your opinion is. I I don't know about that particularly. I just think that there is I personally think there's a certain agenda that's deeper than that. Um that is kind of like again part of like what's causing the division amongst that. So like if you're somebody that's a kid, okay, and you say I want to I want to be a trans. I want to go and cut off a body part. You know, you're [bleep] 8 years old, 10 years old. Like I don't think you should be able to do that till you're at least 18 because you haven't experienced puberty. You haven't experienced your hormones, your emotions fully yet. And I think that ultimately when you go to that extent to change your body, you can't undo it. And I think that you can run into pretty rough health issues the older you get. So, make sure it's something that you're 100% set on and wait until it's like getting a like not not like getting a tattoo, but there are certain ages for certain things that like where the decision making like the brain things are developed more to then you can say, "Hey, I'm fully in." It's not to say

51:45 don't think like that. If that's what you're feeling called to do, do it. But just wait until you get a little bit older to go through with all that. Right? So, I think there is a certain agenda of where it's like they're encouraging kids to to do things a little bit younger or like um saying it's okay to do it when they're that age. And I think that, you know, and then that ties into the pronouns and all these things in the school system right now, which then I feel like that kind of somehow overlaps into something as simple as drag story time where all of these things kind of make people more frustrated. So then that might be like the tipping point for people where it all ties into each other of some weird agenda. But really, I think that something like drag story time could be a fun experience. I think it's See, the way I see it is it just it it lets kids know that like that it's safe to be yourself. Yes. Like the different people exist like these people are just like you. You know what I mean? They just present themselves.

52:51 And although I don't go to the extent to to like, you know, let's say do that, right? But I uh well, I wear women's clothes, but I also wear men's clothes, whatever I'm comfortable in. or I wear unisex clothes and I'm myself. Sometimes my hair will be short, shaved down, sometimes it's longer. Like, you can be you. And I think that's the most important thing in this world. I just personally feel like when all that ties into each other, um I just feel like we should make things like surgeries, uh decisions like a little bit older. Yeah. But if you want to dress up a certain way, if you want to dress up and be a cat at school, whatever, you know what I mean? Whatever all this this stuff is, that's that's, you know, um I feel like that should be no problem. Yeah. What do you feel the purpose of this agenda is to expose? I just think it causes more division and I think it also tries to divide people at a younger age because their brains aren't fully developed yet and we're you know we're I just feel like it's that and it's also part of distractions.

54:08 The more again, the more we're distracted, the more weird [bleep] goes on in the political world, like they're signing bills or they're doing this or they're doing that and people are more focused on this over here and arguing amongst each other while this is happening right under our noses. So, it's always something like that. So, I I feel like it's a way to take us away from being present in a sense. M I've heard somebody say before that there's an an active but silent genocide amongst the trans community right you believe okay I mean when you when you think about certain things like I said when it comes to to you uh well I don't know I mean not like killing each other or something but like um unintentionally like doing something that you know unless you're really really really really really certain this is you and this is what you want to go through with like surgery is a big deal 100%.

55:17 And and I've seen people that they want to do this and and they're it's aligned with them but then years later um they have a lot of health issues and they regret doing it. What kind of health issues? Um it could be things like uh you know you need to take medicine for um your organs and different things that may not be working properly. Um you know cuz this is our body. It's everything is connected. So when you remove even me like as a child I remove my tonsils um and my wisdom teeth. You're not really supposed to remove those things. Um, and also when you have things like as simple as a root canal that can then cause other disease in the body over time. So there's just things like our body is built by this higher power by this source energy. Whatever it is that you believe in, something created us in a perfect way exactly as we are. And I believe that when you go messing with stuff, you know, um it it it can lead to things not properly functioning and it may take years to catch up to that. It may happen sooner.

56:29 So, um that's why I say like it's it's a tough one because I get it. I know that people maybe you're feeling called like this is who I was supposed to be in this lifetime. Some of it could be you were that in a in your last lifetime. Yeah. and maybe it's still like stuck with you and you're like why am I like this in this lifetime you don't even realize that you know and so you feel like I'm you're supposed to switch you're supposed to be that but then you don't realize like that how much issues it could cause but if you're somebody that's 100% certain and you you're willing to sacrifice the possibility that it could harm you down the road but it will make you live a more fulfilled safe, then I say go for it, you know. Um, to each their own, really. I just think it's something that needs to be thought through thoroughly. Yeah. I mean, it can be there's got to be a certain age. And I mean, would it not be fair to have a class that like an elective course that teaches that to like seniors in high school or something cuz you're like at that age where, you know what I mean?

57:38 I just feel like this this information should be presented so that we don't so that we're not moving within so much ignorance for sure. You know, and it's just it's just it helps to just it just helps to just learn [bleep] man. You know what I mean? Like, you know, even even if you're not even if you're not a part of the community, like it it helps to be in alliance with with with one another, you know what I mean? to to to to understand people's struggles to some extent, to be able to empathize to some degree with what other people are dealing with. And um because I'm thinking about all this [bleep] and it's like it just make it almost makes me think like when I heard somebody say that there's a genocide amongst the trans community that's happening now. It made me think of like the Holocaust and how ultim how ultimately like it was about population control. And when you look at bringing these bringing these things uh onto the onto children, getting them to think and move in these ways at at a young age and whatnot. And it's like, you know, they grow up and it's like they're almost like forced into this way of thinking and ultimately this way of being and then it leads them down that path where ultimately they become a victim. And it's like is it is you think that's the agenda ultimately? I mean or like part of it like I mean is there any light at the end of that tunnel? Like you understand what I'm saying? I'm just I'm making a I'm I'm just kind of like making a connection here based on something like is it almost like a new age holocaust? I guess I'm trying to say it could be if we let it get to that.

59:22 Yeah. if you know if because if people keep feeding into it in a certain way uh like you know like I said ultimately it's these kids are too young. Mhm. And the parents are trying to do the right thing by supporting their kids. So now it's like it goes to the extent of like uh bathrooms, right? Like and that whole topic where people kids parents are are are mad or they don't mind. It goes one way or the other, right? There's another division and there's another like okay well if you're um transgendered you can then go in this bathroom or that bathroom versus and that was a whole another thing right in the schools. And I think I mean I think all like I get that we there's like bigger bathrooms but if it's like a family bathroom or this anybody should go into there and then you have the men's room and you have the women's room, right? Um and so that's another way of division and or getting people to be aggressive towards each other um when they're just everyone's just trying to be themselves.

1:00:30 Um and then like in the schools at such a young age, um I feel like there's that pressure amongst the kids to identify themselves at such an early age because there's others around them that are doing this now. So it's creating this pressure and maybe forcing them into making those decisions earlier than they should, which when I think of genocide, I think of like um that aspect of it. It could be literal like hate crimes, but it could also be literal like you are changing your body at such an early age that you could have complicated health issues. And you know when it comes to population control, right? If we have everybody like doing these surgeries at such a young age, we don't know what that's going to lead to. Like people weren't doing that at such a young age back in the day. if you if you were like a lot of people that I know um they were a bit older when I first started to be in and around uh this the queer community. I would say they they were like the OGs, like the older ones, you know, like um but now it's like kids that are 7 8 9 10 years old. Um and so I feel like that's it could lead to that.

1:01:51 Yeah. It's like these things happening so young like it causes these health issues that can potentially maybe affect your mental health and then it just leads your body's not really developed all the way. Yeah. And it just it it leads to you being ostracized, you know what I mean? And it was and it all just ultimately falls into this into this orchestrated, you know, agenda like you said. And uh you look at a lot of this stuff a lot of this stuff that's that's portrayed in the media and whatnot. Like what do you think about I've had an interesting view about this like okay in some Disney films they'll have like uh same sex uh relationships or whatever. See now the way I I viewed it I said it forces parents to have certain to have certain conversations early on because this is a reality of the world. Yeah. You know what I mean? Other people look at it like you're you're sexualizing kids, like you're confusing children. I I I What's your opinion on that? I feel like that stuff has kind of always been there.

1:02:56 There's always been so many hidden messages in Disney. Yeah. You either pick up on them or you don't. The Lion King when I think when Simba like fell onto like the grass in one of the scenes, these these sparkles or whatever formed in the sky and it said sex. Yeah, that's a thing. Like you you can find that online, you know what I mean? It's like why? Because it's it's so Well, I'll tell you why. Well, Disney is a dark a dark dark dark energy um with lots of uh dark um what's the word I'm looking for? Intentions. You know, the [bleep] you know Toy Story, you know, the [bleep] uh Sid's toys. Yeah. The [bleep] legs. Yeah. The hooker. Think about it. the legs [bleep] hook. That [bleep] is crazy. So many messages. And so when you think about why why all these agendas are in front of our face, it's not only just to piss people off or to make them argue or to make them accept it. It's it's part of something much greater. And um ultimately the messages are there for us to see. If you go right now as an adult and you start to and let's just say if you have a bit of your conscious side out, like if you're um you know on your journey of awakening, I think that it would be uh a good time to go and watch some of them older Disney movies and see how you view them so much differently than you than when you were a kid. Yeah.

1:04:26 See how you view them so much differently. Um, [snorts] think about Disney though. Like that was they're like the biggest um sex traffickers ever. Like that's a whole another thing that's been coming to light. Like it's all these things related to kids um that have been, you know, on the up and up to come to light here with like all these sex rings. All that [bleep] is tied in. Is it like a form of like indoctrination? these messaging that they put into these like you know what I mean like is that also a part because you can look at these things from so many different way you know what I mean all this [bleep] right in front of our face you know ah that's a whole big topic though Disney especially that's got to be a part two yeah 100% [clears throat] it does yeah yeah yeah I'm going to make note of that Um, but uh that said, just kind of heading back into what we were discussing. Um, as a young adult, what did you hope would make you feel whole?

1:05:43 I don't really know. I think uh I was just looking for that feeling, like looking for that fulfillment. Mhm. But I didn't really know know what it was. Yeah. do better. Sorry. It didn't matter what it was. You know what I mean? Is that sort of what it You know what I mean? You just you were just kind of going with the flow. Like whatever I fall into, like if it feels right, it just it it is what it is. Following my intuition. Wasn't always leading me down the right places, but it was leading me. He said everything happens for a reason. You told me that you were you did LSD at what age? Oh, you know what? So, I want to say it was definitely in my teens. Um, the exact age it had to be somewhere around like 16, maybe earlier. Um, LSD and also like mushrooms. I was big into it. But it's funny because I didn't understand the healing abilities of it. I was doing it more for fun, but like looking back on it, I was healing.

1:06:49 I [snorts] was healing [bleep] that I didn't even know was being healed back then. Um, and I was having fun experiences um, with with all of that. You know, that [bleep] can be so beneficial if done properly. Like it I I I mean, I've done acid like a [bleep] ass. I'll be honest. You know what I mean? But I it forced me to deal with [bleep] that I otherwise wouldn't have for sure. You know what I mean? And, you know, like it just it puts all that trauma, all that [bleep] at the forefront of your mind. like you don't have a choice but to deal with this [bleep] Like it's here. It's here now. You know what I mean? It's it's unavoidable. You know what I mean? And that's not necessarily a bad thing, but I just feel like if it happened in a if it just becomes cuz it's definitely becoming more normalized now to have these clinical trials, you got to know where it's made nowadays. Yeah. where people like it's not like back in the day where you knew like I knew the the people and they were doing it right and they were doing it with good intentions and nowadays everything is like different. It's made differently by different people. And I'm not saying it's not the same, but it's not the same. The same way with like weed. The weed I smoked years ago so different now. I'm not saying it's bad or anything. I'm just saying like it's it's so different. It's stronger. It's bred differently for different fulfillments that people have. Like everybody wants a high THC content or a high this or that. And same with the the the the mushrooms and this and that. You know, everything is just grown differently. Um Yeah. But I I you know when I got to enjoy them the mushrooms or the acid back in the day, it was uh it was like you knew who who was growing it or making it and you know you're getting it straight from them and it's you know and then you're ingesting it and you're having a a good experience. I always had

1:08:45 good experiences. I don't think I had maybe I had like one bad experience but I don't really remember it fully. But I had mostly all good experiences. I never forget the bad trips, you know, but I think that's just a negative bias, you know? I've had a few of those, you know what I mean? And those ones are like, but it's like you have to but it's like for me, like my experience was like I had to come in tune with I had to I had to course through hell on earth to understand that paradise on earth exists. You know what I mean? So that was so that was my experience, you know? Yep. But no, I I couldn't imagine doing that in my teens. Oh [laughter] my god. You know what I mean? Doing it in my 20s. So yeah, I was always like somewhere where probably I wasn't supposed to be, which is what I mean by I was a little [bleep] when I was a teenager, especially like I'm at so's house, but really I'm not. I'm at some random [bleep] guy's house like killing bottles of liquor, you know, or dropping some acid, doing this and that.

1:09:52 Um, you know, partying till like 3:00 a.m. type of thing. Um, so I was I I was always uh yeah, I was always like doing crazy [bleep] but then there was times where I would just be with a couple friends for real and, you know, hanging out. Uh, just enjoying the experience of like the mushrooms or the acid, you know, like just hanging out. Maybe we're watching like um I remember we would watch like Pink Floyd the Wall and certain like movies. Crazy crazy to watch that. I mean, yeah, music [laughter] music on LSD is just something else. It's like you're just immersed within the [bleep] sonic wave. I had calm experiences, too. But then I had experiences where I'm like [bleep] funneling beers after I ate a lot of ass. And I'm like, why, you know? And that's not always the great uh thing to mix together, but um it was I [laughter] it was fun. It was fun when I would get when I I don't even know how to explain that [bleep] but it it was hard to put it into words.

1:11:00 I can tell you my first acid rip, I remember smoking weed and just seeing the smoke. It's just like there's just another [bleep] entity there and everything is art. Oil stains in the street are art. You know what I mean? It [bleep] was w That [bleep] was wild. I remember saying like with my chest like, "Yo, I've been [bleep] up, but I've never been this [bleep] up before." Sure. Like this is different. Like it, you know, I had to be calmer like and and like eventually like with acid especially, I had to be in like um certain situations like at one point when it would kick in, I would always have to like go and find like a little quietish place. And I remember my one super hippie friend, he gave me these like I was like tripping out and um and I was at this like house party and I went into this one room to like get away from all the everything. Yeah. Yeah. I was smoking out of these cool glass pieces with a couple friends and we were sitting in this circle and then um my one buddy gave us gave me these like rocks or something and they were really cool to put like play with and then someone had this like fuzzy pillow at one point. So it was like the comforting aspect of it and so um I feel like that's a much needed part of the experience. Um, to anybody that takes LSD, make sure you're in a comfortable place.

1:12:23 Seriously, make sure you're in a comfortable place. Make sure make sure you have the right people. Make sure you set your intention. Yes. [laughter] Good mental being in a good mental space. Don't funnel beers. Don't be. Yeah. You know, there should be a there should be like a there should be like a center where people can like, you know, go and like experience these things and open their mind in a way that's controlled. I think nowadays there is some places where um Yeah. Yeah, they do. But I guess I'm saying like I want [bleep] to be more accessible. These things are like that shit's like out west, you know what I mean? In different countries or down like like what the [bleep] Like, you know what I mean? Like why isn't something like that in the capital region? It's coming. I believe. I hope so. You know what I mean? Seriously. You know, I agree. I mean, I'm at a point where I don't think I should ever do that [bleep] ever again. [laughter] You know, I I've done so much of it. Yeah, I'm done with the acid. I may micro dose. Uh I do believe in the power of like micro doing and learning like right now with like mushrooms, you know, that's beautiful plant medicine that can um I've seen it help so many people. Um you know, in this lifetime and like once I moved out west, I really started to become more familiar with it again. And um I've seen the benefits of like it's gotten people off of anti-depressants and different medications, but you know, maybe they're doing a heroic dose and then they're micro doing you know or maybe they're just micro doing So they have a certain regimen and they're, you know, uh, like maybe they're also pairing it with like, hey, I'm going to eat more fruits and vegetables and I'm going to, you know, have, [snorts] uh, do more breath work and certain things to pair along with that. Um, it's a world of difference than when I used to just eat handfuls of [bleep] when I was a kid and like or not a kid, but a

1:14:17 teenager, you know, and be like, I'm going to have this tripped out experience. Um, so like long story short, micro doing is uh I believe the future of helping people get off of medications and things like that. Um, especially when you have PTSD and things like that. It can be very beneficial, but it you don't actually feel that same trippy feeling when you take the micro doses. H Yeah. Interesting. It's like you're you're you don't wouldn't even really know that you took it. It just kind of heightens your senses and uh makes you feel more like uh functional. Your focus is there. Your energy is there. So, I wish I knew that when I was back in the day, you know, uh but I'm grateful to have learned along the way. Mhm. [bleep] got me thinking. Yeah. You know, cuz I'm on a I'm on anti-depressant as well as a anxiety medication myself. And I'm like, yep. Are these things that I that I will be on for the entirety of my life or are there ways to deal with it? Definitely ways to deal with it.

1:15:26 Yeah. And and and other It can help point you in the right direction for that. I have so much I'm still carrying so much weight uh you know, literally as well as figuratively. And I'm just like there's a way for me to there's got to be a way for me to just shed that [bleep] You know what I mean? So yeah, you know, no, I think this is a this is a good conver. This is this is the conversation I needed. Yeah. Um I love that. But to uh to kind of go back to you, you said that in 2019 you went to San Diego. Yeah. 2018 you said you became plant-based. Uh yeah. Between then and uh 2019. Describe that process to me because I I'm here's the thing. I don't have a problem with meat. I have a problem with the mass production of it. The big the big business that shit's destroying the world. It is.

1:16:24 And I want you to bring me into your into your journey into a plant-based living because I'm going to assume you're still plant-based. Are you vegan or vegetarian? Vegan. Vegan. Okay. Cuz I tried to be vegan. That's just not easy. You know what I mean? It's not. You got to really got to learn. Now it's more It's easier than ever. Like I have a friend who's uh um shout out to Joey Subculture vegan. Um so uh he literally has been vegan since like the '9s. So you know like he it really wasn't popular then, right? So he like he had to be creative with things before there was even all these things that are out now. What I will say is um I do it for the animals, but I also do it for the health benefits. And a lot of people will ask 10 million times, where do you get your protein? And I'll answer that. Your body makes its own protein. You just need to eat things that help it produce its own protein. Just like your body produces melatonin, and it's important that you intake the right things so that your body does what it's supposed to do.

1:17:29 There's people that have been plant-based uh vegan literally uh for longer than I've been alive and they are some of the healthiest people I know, but they're not eating junk food constantly. Like they're not eating Impossible burgers and [bleep] whatever all the fake meats are. Morning. Morning Star. Yeah, that [bleep] has a lot of If it's got a lot of ingredients like that in it, we stay away from it. I believe that tofu is great. Um there's all these myths about how tofu can mess up your estrogen. Um it's really not true when you have a quality like if you get organic tofu. Um so I eat a lot of things like I do the tempeh which has grains in it. Um it's just fermented soybeans. Uh and fermented foods are actually good for us. I do the tofu. Uh we do a lot of like we do a lot of fruits. We do a lot of vegetables. um legumes, like you know, um things like that. And especially when you if you get more into that, like cooking it, cooling it down, and reheating them. So now you're creating like resistant starches, that can be beneficial when you're healing your gut.

1:18:37 So for things like rices, quinoa, uh etc. um you know the animals it's not necessary like you said for the way that we've become so greedy as as humans. Like when you think about our ancestors even the ones that were hunting um they weren't hunting to the point where they're eating like half pound steaks and [bleep] like big portions of meat. Um that's all part of the conditioning and marketing. Like there's been literally like dark forces that have been marketing um the meat industry to people and the dairy industry to people for many years now and telling you that that's what your body needs when ultimately you can survive without it. It just at this point um it's more of a personal choice if you want to consume meat and dairy. Most of us are lactose intolerant and we don't even realize that by consuming uh dairy, especially like the processed dairy, that that's where a lot of our health issues come into. If I were to consume dairy at this point in my life, it would be um raw milk, things like that.

1:19:51 Um like goats milk, sheep's yogurt, things like that. but not this mass-produced [bleep] that a lot of people put into their body thinking it's going to help them. Um, I mean, we're the only species that that consumes another species of milk, right? I think it's kind of creepy, not going to lie. Like, who's the first person that was like, "Let me go suck this cow's titty." Like, it's crazy. It's very interesting to be honest. Like, what the [bleep] Um, but needless to say, uh, if you were to consume it, raw would be the way to go. And they make raw milk illegal because uh it's like one of the things that can heal the body if you use it properly and if you're immune to like if you don't have the lactose issues then I believe it can be beneficial to certain people. But I still think it's weird cuz it's like interesting. But um but with meat, everything's so mass- prodduced and tortured and inhumane at this point that if you're not if you're somebody that's going to eat meat, I always tell people like you need to talk with your local farmer.

1:20:55 I mean, they've literally like I've read stories where like with pork for example, like the way they treat pigs like pigs are smart. They're so smart. I love pigs, man. And the [bleep] that they do to p like they I've read I read an article where well first off the people that are like slaughtering the pigs they'll like you know beat on the pigs and [bleep] like that in the factories and stuff but like they'll grind dead pigs with feces and feed it to uh pigs before slaughter. You know what I mean? And it just con it's just it's just it's just a perpetuation when you think about it. It's like and people kind of make fun of me sometimes for being vegan and I'm like you [bleep] people don't even know what you're eating. I'll be honest. Y'all think I'm weird. I think it's even weirder that you guys don't look into the [bleep] that you're consuming and how it got there. This [bleep] didn't You didn't [bleep] put it in the grocery store. So, how did it get there? I've been When I was a vegetarian, I was criticized by so many people. And you you know, there's one thing I've realized. You will never be criticized for embarking on a health journey by somebody who's actually healthy, right?

1:22:04 That [bleep] is wild to me. I'm like I'm looking at the people that are criticizing me. I'm like they either have health issues, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, or whatever, or they're well on their way 100%. And I'm just [laughter] like, why? Like, you know what I mean? But it's it's their um it's their ego. It's like especially with the men, right? Like the uh like I Okay, I love it. Okay. I love this is a good friend of mine. Again, this is where um when you have the differences of opinions, I'm not I'm not here to shut them down and make them feel dumb down or anything like that, but it's more like just to see people's thinking perspectives. Somewhere along the line throughout this lifetime, they have been conditioned. So, the conversation went like this. It was like, well, yeah, I mean, I believe that women, yeah, they could probably be vegan, you know what I mean? I believe like I mean, I still think you need meat and stuff, but men, I don't think men can survive being vegan. And I'm like, okay, you know, like, well, why not? And it's like because they're men, you know, they need the protein and this and that.

1:23:14 And I'm like, then I'll and then I started to show them something like, well, check this person out. This person just was in uh Mr. Olympia, I think it bodybuilders in J. tour Washington. He's literally like Yeah. And he's been vegan for I think like almost 30 years now. And he just was the first vegan ever to to uh to um run in the the not run physically, but to to participate in the Mr. Olympia. I think that's what it's called. Um and he placed he placed in there. I don't remember if he won or what the deal was, but you know, he's not eating [bleep] He's eating fruits and vegetables. He Yeah, he'll have some protein powder here and there cuz he's a bodybuilder. Um but it's, you know, good quality protein powder. Doesn't have a bunch of [bleep] in it. Um and he will have uh just certain balanced meals um that really and and hydration cuz that that's a big part in it, too. Um, and I know plenty of people just like that that that are men. And then I know plenty of women that um like we're not [bleep] withering away. If anything, some of us eat a little too much, [laughter] you know?

1:24:30 Um, but uh yeah. So, it's this this misconception on things, I think, of like what we need versus what we choose. The body needs hydration more than it needs anything. But yeah. [sighs] Yeah. Meat industry is cruel. I'll just say that to say the least. And uh if I wasn't plant-based myself and I did eat meat, the only way would be through a local farmer where it's a much more humane. Um but I can't bring myself to do it. Yeah. Yeah. I I I I I'm struggling cuz it's like I want to get back there cuz I was a because I became a pescatarian. Yeah. And I'm like, you know, I went fishing and the way the hook went through the fish's eyes and it [bleep] in my hand. I felt bad and I'm just like, you know, I'm feel like I'm still doing this [bleep] And but you have that awareness and a lot of people don't have the awareness. I think is what it comes down to is um a lot of people are in a state of disconnect like and not being present.

1:25:45 So, like if a lot of us saw where our food came from, when when I say food, I mean I should say um a lot of us if you saw where meat and dairy came from, I think that most people um there are some people that wouldn't change, but there's a majority of people that would be uh they would be horrified. Um they would be horrified to say the least. And it's it's funny because then they make these documentaries and I can my meate eating friends will always be like h I don't need to see that you know because d I'm like right you don't want to see the truth but then some people will take the time to watch it and it either changes you or it doesn't but ultimately um you're spending your money on um you know torturing a compassionate animal uh if you're buying into what you're hitting in most of the grocery stores. Um, you know, and I and and that's just what the reality is. So, which is why you uh you're big on like farmers markets and love farmers markets and the co-op, you know, because it's like if you're going to um if you're going to consume any of that, I would say go to your local farmers, go to your farmers markets, go to um a place like Honest Weight Food Co-op at the least because then you know there's at least certain um measures in place like they will not sell something that's been uh injected with certain things or treated a certain way um as opposed to, you know, the bigger stores. Uh they're more uh local, you know, small small farms, things like that. Um and me as a as somebody that's plant-based,

1:27:34 like I try to buy what's in season, so I love the farmers markets for fruits and vegetables. Um I I make coldressed juices as well. and share them with friends and family. And um you know I will only source the ingredients from the co-op or from local farmers at this point. And um I noticed such a difference by shopping local, you know. So, so [snorts] you said something before that I want to touch on because people, it's so easy, it's so common for people to think, I can't eat this [bleep] because it's too expensive. You know what I mean? And everybody's pinching pennies now with, you know, everything's [bleep] expensive, you know, gas, food, whatever. That's a fact. But you said something that stuck out to me. Um, you said that you get double points when food stamps are used at the farmers market.

1:28:36 Yeah. And honest weight co-op on produce. Wow. Yeah. So, you're doubling your points, whatever that, you know, um I'm not 100% sure how the point system works, but to my knowledge, you collect the points and then you redeem them for something. Um, so yeah, you can take your EBT cards and do that. A lot of people don't I don't know that a lot of people know that you can use EBT cards at these places. Yeah, I don't think I think again this is another like by design thing where it's like um you got if you know, you know. But we got to make it more known to people that you can use the food stamps at the farmers markets. And not only can you use them there, but you can get double points and then um you'll be able to trade in those points I believe for free produce. I'm pretty sure that's how it works. Uh and then same thing at the the um honest weight food co-op and you know um if you become a member owner, you can start getting uh particular discounts as well. Volunteer your time there. You can get an even bigger discount. Uh, so there's there's ways to save and there's ways to um accumulate points, you know, and using like EBT doesn't mean you just have to go to these um big supermarkets or these corner stores. Like you can still [bleep] Dollar General. So So many people do grocery shopping at the dollar stores now. They they put so many dollar stores in inner cities.

1:30:06 I know that [bleep] is crazy by design. Have you have you watched the documentary? And everybody out there, if you haven't seen it yet, you've got to watch this documentary called They're Trying to Kill Us. I believe it was. Yeah. Um um it was like Jada Kiss Styles P a lot of certain people that are um you know within they're actually now within this vegan community and the wellness community and they just talk about how they put all of these different you know um what do you call them? the the little bodega like the grocery store, the grab-and-go stores throughout the places where um you know maybe the bigger stores aren't as accessible, but they they purposely do this and and so that you'll go in there with your EBT and you'll buy [bleep] you know, like they it's like they have this [bleep] like of course it probably tastes good, but they got like the sandwiches with the lunch meat which is very carcinogenic. They've got the eggs fried in [bleep] [bleep] vegetable oil, which is very carcenic, you know? They've got um all these different things, but but really when I go into a lot of them, I don't really see fresh produce and certain things, but it depends on which one you go in. Um and then you got your dollar store where it's all low quality [bleep] um you know uh and they need to really make more places accessible that you can use your EBT with like if like juice bars and I'm not sure how it works in restaurants. I don't know if you can use it only in stores because I think it has to be like grab and go items that are already like nothing that's like uh fresh to order. Um cuz I don't

1:32:01 think you can use it at like like you can't use it at like McDonald's or anything like that which I wouldn't encourage anyone to eat there but can you use EBT there? I don't I don't know. Yeah. And then so that's the that's where it it brain [bleep] me right. It's like, um, oh [bleep] Yeah. So, so where are the healthier places you can use your EBT? Why don't you let us know cuz I want to share this with other people. Um, yeah. Wow. Like, what are the healthiest places that will accept it? I mean, definitely the co-op, definitely the farmers market. Definitely places like Capital Roots in in Troy, New York, which are doing great things. Yes. You said Yeah, I'm glad you brought them up because you said that they deliver produce on and you can do a pay as you go, I think. So, they make it more accessible for people and I think it's like a nonprofit where you can pay what you can type of thing. Um, and uh if you're not in an accessible place, um, you know, hit up Capital Root, see if they can make it over to you. Okay. Mhm.

1:33:01 Uh, all that said, what experience led you to explore spiritual wellness? Because this is something that's been a part of your life for a while. Yeah. I don't know. It kind of just like happened. It's weird. It was just your calling. Yeah. I kind of eased into it um through a lot of different personal experiences in life and hardships and realizing like that we're a soul and a body. And then it's like realizing how much resonates. Like when you look at all the religions for example, I kind of take what resonates from each one. I don't think each, you know, and and have that openness um where I can then kind of apply that I call it like spirituality, right? It's like um it's been quite the journey of like discovering all that. Mhm. Yeah. What has your spiritual journey ask you to confront about yourself?

1:34:07 Everything [laughter] like you know um continuing to learn, continuing to peel back the layers so I can see who I am under everything that I've been conditioned with. Bringing what do you say? Coming back home to self is really the journey that I'm on. Home base. Absolutely. Absolutely. Coming into wholeness. Shout out to RIP Carl Young. You know, he's a good man. You know, how does your younger self influence the space you create for others here at Alchemy? Well, my younger self um was just trying to, you know, bust out of the the boxes and the the bubble as [bleep] that we were kind of like put into.

1:35:13 Yeah. Yeah. So now it's like I get excited when I see people that are younger that are like you can tell that they want they want to figure things out um and do something but they don't quite know the direction to go yet. But that's the beauty of it because I remind them that you're not supposed to [bleep] know all that. Yeah. Just like when they ask us in in school at such a young age, what do you want to be when you grow up? I don't [bleep] know. I'm in like [bleep] first grade. Like what, you know? Wow. Like apply the pressure. I mean, it could be a fun thing to think about, but at the same time, um I teach I feel like I if I could teach the youth anything, it's like don't apply so much pressure to yourself. Just be yourself. Don't try to be other people. Just be yourself. There's only one you. And follow your heart more than anything. Like don't do what society tells you you think you need to do. Like follow your heart, you know, cuz that's going to lead you into exactly where you're supposed to be. And that's kind of what this space represents, you know? It's really like the the wholeness of self. like I mean ways to get you out of your head and into your body, you know, to tap back in with yourself, whether it be a sound bath or Kareema doing Reiki, helping you kind of remove some stagnant energy or maybe you're working with some of the herbs we sell here or maybe you are, you know, working with the crystals and setting certain intentions and really just using these different tools to help you connect back with yourself. M yeah.

1:37:02 And my last question to you on the wrap up, what are you still learning to give yourself as you grow into the person you want to become? Grace. Yeah, that is a fact. That's so easy to overlook. Yeah, it's been an intense journey, but I would say grace um is important. Yeah. [laughter] Damn. Mhm. That really just settled me. I like that. This has been a beautiful experience, Terra. Same. You guys are truly amazing. So are you. Yeah. Thank you for doing what you're doing, you know. Absolutely. Thank you for your time. Of course. Thank you for your time.