Who You Are & Who You Want to Be

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1:16 All right. All right. Yo yo [bleep] Oh man. Welcome to another episode of Weird Orinary. I'm your host, BradQuan, and today I have a very special guest. My brother has been on here before. This is my guy, Jordan Sanders. Yes. Uh we had a we had an incredible conversation uh about a few weeks, maybe a month ago. Yeah. And um you know, there was a clip that we had that that sparked a lot of debate um on multiple platforms. It was on on on on Instagram. I believe some people had something to say about it on Tik Tok and whatnot when you uh when you spoke about uh and you talked about like being a believer. Yeah. You didn't say you actually do it. They was trying to get on me. But [bleep] see, but that's the thing. Like people will get you for what you for for like thoughts. Yo, but I'm I'm built for it. I can care less.

2:18 You know what I'm saying? You know, and it's funny because not like when you go back, not to cut you off. No, you're good. You're good. I should have said, oh, excuse me. I wanted to say yes and no. I I believe in it both. You know, I I believe it, but yeah, people, they jump on you for anything, man. They jump on you for anything and everything. Oh, you bad this. Oh, you bad that. Again, for me, I just believe it's how far the pendulum swings. I believe in it. I believe um it's necessary sometimes. You know what I mean? Now, I'm pretty sure I would never take the belt to my kids. I'm pretty sure I would never I would never, you know what I mean? But I don't think a little a little smack on the ass. And that's what you and that's what you said, you know. Yo, cuz I think I can articulate myself very well. I've watched the video over and over. I'm like, he didn't say anything. And they trying to curse me. You need to go to therapy. You need to go to counseling. Don't take your anger out on your kids. And I love it. Yo, I think discourse, criticism, vitriol, it's all good. It's all good. But they my kids. They mine. The only person I need to talk to is my fiance, the my the creator, my other half. You know what I'm saying? And I bet you a lot of the people that was saying [bleep] probably don't even have kids for real.

3:20 Somebody actually on TikTok was like, "This man doesn't need kids or some [bleep] like that." Oh my god. I see. I haven't even been on TikTok. I wish I could have spoken with them. Yeah. You know, and I'm just like, uh, I wish I think I was like, "Bro, like, would you like to come on the platform and and have a conversation?" Probably, man. And it's just crazy, bro. because it's just like I mean and and I ain't going to front like in the past I've been in situations where I've fallen into criticism based on what I feel like I would do and you got to sit and think and when you're not a [bleep] parent you really don't know what you would do and and and the thing is for me the thing is for me yo because I'm really again like I said I'm really passionate about that topic and I'm passionate about being a parent you know what I'm saying Like I've always wanted to be a parent, you know. I've always wanted kids, big kids. I think what people don't realize and and I will always say until you have kids, your opinion is not avoid to a degree, right? To a degree. But again, until you have kids and when you are a parent, right? When you you're you're being a parent when you're tired, you're being a parent when you're broke. You're being the way you broke down the tiredness because people don't get that. That's what people don't get, right? So, it's like, and I I've trained my brain not to project onto people. Like, you're tired doesn't necessarily need to be justified, right? I don't want to be like talking I'm I'm talking to Brad Cornney like I'm tired. Well, [bleep] you don't even have kids yet. I hate that.

4:51 Yo, I hate that because there's a time and there's a place. I don't need to remind you that, right? Your experience is still your experience. Your reality is still your reality. I'm so glad you said that. I was getting into that with with my mans about this about the podcast, but that's something different, but it ties in. But it's still like I I don't want to I may think but that's that's still not your reality because your reality is you have to work and then you have a business you have to build. You're still tired. So if you work 7 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. and then you get home at 6:30 p.m. and then you work on your craft from 7 to 11, you're still tired. You see what I'm saying? Now, as a parent, when you are focusing on being cuz again, I don't believe nobody is truly I said that truly healed. I'm going to die on that hill every single time. That's the truth. I'm going to die on that hill every sing. So, we love to throw the I don't think therapy is for everyone, but I think everyone can benefit from therapy. You see what I'm saying? And again, I die on that hill. So, I think when you are an actual parent, because everyone is situation is different, but when you are a parent and you are navigating parenthood with your individuality, your job, making money, losing money, balancing your relationship with your significant other, all of that plays a factor. And you think you know who you are until you're in that situation.

6:12 Everybody think they going to survive on that plan. I mean, excuse me, on the island alone until you dumped on that island alone, right? Then what you thought you was going to do? You what I'm saying? Crazy analogy, but that's what I'm trying to say. Like, that's what I mean. I've never beat my kids. I've never even hit my kids. Like and I'm talking to people going back and forth like like what the hell. I'm just saying sometimes kids need their ass whipped and I I don't care who agrees, who disagrees because the outcome of it is the disrespect when they're 10. The disrespect when they're 12, 13, 14. So I believe in repercussions. What I believe may not be what you believe, but it's the truth. I believe in fear. And I think people hear that and like, "Oh, no, no, no, no." But it's all how you want to dangle the fear above the head. Whether in this house the fear is such and such you getting your ass where the fear is, hey, I'm taking this away. Fear is still fear. It still drives you regardless of how far the [bleep] pendulum swings. So people kill me with that [bleep] It's just it's just a different personality trait. It's the same thing. It's the same [bleep] I mean, you you were like, "Yo, I understand. I'm 200 plus." I I mean it was just like there's no reason why somebody who's looking at that [bleep] from a logical standpoint that's what it is you know but yeah you know what I mean it's just we just just act on emotionist we listen we listen with the intent to respond and not to react my [bleep] thank you [bleep] thank you and that's what it is and it's like you got to think about it so it's like now I see I've seen growing up right don't want to listen and they don't fear the consequence Again, I got my ass whooped till I was 10 years old. My father left when I was 10. And this goes to show cuz at the end of the day, I also think it's who you are as a person. My father left when I was 10 years old. It was my mother and I, God rest her soul. It was my mother and I since I was 10 years old. I've never yelled at her. I've bro, my mother

8:05 passed when I was 33. I probably cursed in front of her in my adult years probably three times. I've never yelled at her. I've never raised my hand to her. And it was just I could have done whatever I wanted. My mother was significantly older than me, right? But that just wasn't who I was. You know what I'm saying? So I just think who So I just think most of the times again and when I say not all kids need, I just think it's who you are because I have siblings who got their ass whipped multiple times still went to jail. So I think sometimes environment plays a huge role. Everybody's brain is different. But against I think kids also need that fear. Kids need two parents in the house, right? And I think kids need to fear one parent, right? I think they need to not necessarily fear like oh I'm going to get hurt but I need okay listen dad's not playing or mom's not playing right it has to be because I just again that's just my experience and I feel like it needs to be that way because if there's no necessarily fear I know there's a the dichotomy of fear and obedience right but you you need that because if there's not then kids are going to do what they want if they don't fear the repercussions they don't fear the consequence why would I you know what I'm saying you go to work every day do you want to go to work I don't know but why why why don't you go to work why don't you get up and go to work when you want to cuz your fear you and there's millions of ways to make money but you fear the law or you be out here doing what you want to do but god forbid I say oh that's different no it's not different it's the same thing it's the same thing you know what I'm saying I'm sure there's a lot of people you want to go put your hands on but you don't because you may fear the repercussions same [bleep] yeah that's that's a good [bleep] point man that's how I feel and uh all that lines us up beautifully actually into the first question I have for you Bro. Yeah.

9:42 Um, what did your childhood teach you about being a father that you've had to question? What did my childhood teach me about a fame me that ask me that again differently. I I got it, but I want to hear in two ways. Yeah. Uh, what did your childhood teach you about being a father that you've had to question? Like what were you what were you shown that you sense questioned that you sense resisted? You know what I'm saying? Like resisted now that I have kids. Yes. Yes. Leaving. Fair enough. You know what I mean? Does that make sense? No. Absolutely. Absolutely. Like I don't know how you can leave your kids. You know, let me ask you this. Yeah. How it because you have people that you have people whose parents did [bleep] to them like you know your parent leaves you or isn't in your life or whatever and then you grow up and you do the same thing or or you grow up and you like I would never do that like what's the difference?

10:45 I think so the brain is is so interesting that we all experience things and you run towards it. You into it or you run away from it? Fight or flight. Is that what? Okay. Yeah, kind of. Right. So, my father left when I was 10. Didn't really know the situation between my mother and him. But I've always known from there, dad is not a man and I would never be no man like that. Right now, again, some people may see that experience and they grow and they mold into that. Where for me, I was like, but I also that's just how my brain was built, right? You see what I'm saying? Like you like you grow up, you see your mom getting hit, you see your mom in an abusive relationship. So you kind of grow up and be that. You see what I'm saying? So it's like for me, I seen that and I've questioned how you have done that and I've I could never do that. You know what I mean? Now again with my adult brain, I don't know what his traumas were. I don't know cuz that's all real. I don't know what he was dealing with. I don't know necessarily what the relationship was with my mother him. But me as a parent, I could never do that. You know how much [bleep] you would miss out on? You know what I'm saying? The experience of watching my kids grow, bro, is insane. I could never miss that.

11:50 Not for nothing, man. Like, you know, I got I don't know if I told you last time, I have a brother that I found out about after our father died. Yeah. And uh dude, my brother grew up like whenever I would walk to school, I would walk past his house. That's crazy. Yeah. And he was the same, bro. He was a stone throw away. And my father knew where he was at. But my father was so my father was just so an he was just so anxious, so afraid of doing that. And like cuz my father stepped out on my mother and that's how he got born. Yeah. And uh my mother gave him an ultimatum type [bleep] You know what I'm saying? And he stuck with you. Yeah. Yeah. And uh looking back at it, I could tell why he was so reserved and why he was so quiet and why he was going through all this [bleep] You know, he never truly seemed at peace. Like he had moments of happiness, but he never truly seemed at peace. And that [bleep] made sense, you know what I mean? After I found out about that and I would talk to my brother and it's like, you know, I couldn't imagine uh, you know, not being in, you know, not having your father in your life. Like, it's crazy, dog.

13:00 Yo, and I've been there. My my yo, my biological father side. Um, I reached out to one of my family members. He seen my message and you you got about two times for me. You know what I mean? He didn't respond. So in my mind, I didn't take it personal, but hey, it must not be of value to you. And I have three kids. I have a beautiful family. So now think of it from my perspective, brother. So I'm writing you and we all would have to get to know you and vice versa. So if you don't think that's valuable, I'm good. You know what I mean? I'm good. And you see that's how that's where we're different. I can't help but to take that [bleep] personally. Yeah. Y I don't know what it is, bro. Sometimes I think that's a sickness of mine. No, I don't take that back. I'm not say it's a sickness, but that may be a con because I really don't I don't I don't know what happened, but I don't think I don't take things personal until they are personal. You see what I'm saying? So like So my biological father is from Albany. There's a huge family, a name that's in Albany that I feel like a lot of people know that I'm related to, right? two names that I'm related to in Albony where if I say that name, one out of two people have heard of this family.

14:08 So when I want to say in 2021, I've had a friend's mother who reached out to me and say, "Hey, listen. Your biological father died. This is the deal. This is the date that is going on." You know what I mean? I don't know how you feel, but would you like to attend the funeral? At this point, it's again, it's 2021. I've heard so much. I'm a big fan in the universe. It's finally time for me to see this with my own eyes. I got the personality. I got to see it, feel it with my own soul, body, mind, eyes, right? So, I'm like, you know what? Cool. I need to It's time. I'm 28. It's time. Let me see. And I'm not one of it's not Disney Channel. I'm not going to Why? Why? Why? I just want to see. So, I go to the funeral. My fiance and I um my friend and his mother at the time, we go to the funeral and I just sit in the back. I just watch everything. I see my siblings and all that. I don't make it about me cuz it's not about me. I just want to see, right? So, I'm in the back. I don't go up there. I just want to see see everything. Experience that. And um one of my relatives on that side of the family um I feel like he's well known out here. Um I reached out to him on Facebook. Hey, listen. My name is such and such. I believe we're family. I would love us to meet up. Scene. Okay. I understand people are busy and I'm very persistent. You know what I'm saying?

15:14 That's how I made my business off of persistence and consistency. So wrote them again. Seen again. Okay. No value to you, bro. I got three kids. At the time I think I had two. I got two kids and a fiance. I don't got time to be chasing you, bro. And to I don't take a person. If I seen you, we spoke about it. Yo, this is the word. What you want to? But at that point, I don't have time to chase you because I got kids to raise. And also, not for nothing, we don't also don't know you. You know what I'm saying? So, if we did move forward and that was the trajectory, we all would have to get to know you and vice versa. But you've shown me if it's no value to you, then hey, that's fine. I don't take it personal cuz I can't take it personal. You don't even know me. Yeah. And I don't even know you. So I don't even know what you going through. You could have seen it and forgot. But hey, it's not the right time then. That's how I think of it. I don't feel no way. It is what it is. I got to start. I got to helps me out, brother. Give me And I don't even mean that. I don't even mean that in a petty way. It truly it must not it it must not be me. Excuse me. It's not supposed to happen right now.

16:19 You know, I've tried twice. Hey, it is what it is. I have two kids to raise. I got to give all my attention to my family. So again, at the time I put myself out there, you know, and hey, I think, hey, must not be the right time. They must not see value in it. You know what I mean? Fair enough. Fair enough. Real. Let me ask you, you spoke about struggling between what you know Yeah. and who you want to be. When does that struggle show up most in how you parent your children? When I'm over stimulated. When I'm over stimulated, you know, and meaning when I'm frustrated. I've heard screaming for an hour for 60 plus minutes. And you know, my kids are are being kids, right? Young individuals. So that you know, tired and all of those things. But definitely because your brain it gives you it's it's you're in that fighter fighter that that fight or flight phrase, you know what I mean? Response. And then you have to choose how do you want to react. You know what I mean? Cuz kids yo, I'm going to tell you, I'm the biggest skeptic. They watch everything. Have you ever heard that before?

17:28 Bro, I swear. Look at me. That's no lie. They watch everything. They see everything. They mimic. Yo, I thought that was like a lie. They do. Yeah, it's definitely. So, it's like again how I handle them for the most part, right? I got to keep in mind that yo, they're going to watch this. Yo, let me tell you something. Today, today I picked my son up from school and one of the teachers was telling me how polite he was and and how polite he was. Bro, I almost cried dead ass. Yo, see cuz it's like it's so crazy cuz my biggest thing, man, is there there's no bigger there is no bigger gratif gratifying feeling than receiving that. You see what I'm saying? M and just hearing like yo he was like yo he very well-mannered um you know he he what he was practicing his generosity and you know his kindness and his ingenuity it was just amazing to hear you know what I'm saying so to answer your question I think when I'm when I'm stimulated because if you want to teach your kids patience and and and and grat and um gratification and not gratification but you want to teach them patience and kindness you have to display that gratitude gratitude yeah you have to But you have to try to do that, right? Like my daughter, my daughter is infamous for spilling things. And um one night she spilled things. My fiance and I has dinner and I'm telling her, "Don't spill the plate. Don't spill your food." She spilled it. I just kind of smiled and walk away. But initially, I want to be like, "What the?" But not only does that make her feel small, right? What? You have those hiccups, but not only does that make her feel small, that makes you if you if you're not a sociopath, but that makes you feel small. You know what I'm saying? Cuz she don't mean to do it. You know what I mean?

19:10 It's just part of her little body. But again, when you've been saying it from 8:00 a.m. to 900 p.m., that's why, bro, and I never used to believe it, bro. But when they tell you kids teach you this and they teach you patience, I thought that was just a croc of [bleep] right? Everyone has this paper, oh, you're never going to love anything. Yo, it's real [bleep] this real [bleep] Like they teach you all of that. And it's like when you see that, bro, and they're growing up and you see they have your mannerisms and they have your temperament and they have your athleticism or not. [bleep] is crazy. It is crazy. Wow. Telling you, bro. And I tell you what, cuz they say you've never known love. You've never known fear until you've had kids. Yeah. Fear. You have never known fear. That I will say. You have never known fear. You hear me? You you you have never known fear until you've had kids. Yeah. Oh yeah. That I definitely want to circle back to that. Yeah. That boy. When have you found yourself falling into familiar territory from your upbringing that you're not proud of?

20:15 When my kids don't finish their food. When they don't finish their food. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, it is like little inconsequential things like that, you know, but you grow up for whatever reason that you need to finish everything on your plate, you know, or hey, listen, stop drinking that and eat your food first. You know what I'm saying? So, like kind of things like like little again little inconsequential things like that that will kind of talk to you over time that's not that big of a deal, right? And I don't necessarily want to give them any type of disorder, but also eat your food because in 20 minutes it's not going to be, oh, I want a snack. But again, it's little inconsequential things. But in my mind, I want to make sure you your your body is full of nourishing nourishing food, you know what I'm saying? So, we're not overindulging. And not that we keep a lot of BS in the house cuz we really don't. But again, I also know that trick, you know what I mean? So, kind of like things like that, man. Or um I have a short temperament where I'm very in control, so I don't burst out and lash out and, you know, punch and and scream. I'm very animated. So, I may, "Hey, let's go." You know what I'm saying? Because I learned different backgrounds and environment. Some people may take that as yelling when I'm just a very animated person.

21:22 The difference between raising your voice. Yeah. So I may like, "All right, man. Let's let's move. Let's move." And then everything that comes with that, right? The stature and all that good stuff. Cuz in my mind, that's very normal. But other people, they they may not feel like that's normal. So kind of sometimes like that when I feel myself getting overly animated cuz I I don't want them to feel like I'm yelling, but it may feel like that for them. So kind of like in a little situation like that. Fair enough. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I can understand that cuz I feel like no matter how hard no matter how hard you try, I mean to at at some point to some extent, you're going to revert back to what you know. Yo, and that's why I I say that so much, man. And I I say that so much cuz my fiance is so good about that. She's extremely compassionate. Compassionate. And I have to tell sometimes, you got to give yourself grace. It is just us. It is just us. Monday through Sunday, you're going to get you're going to lose yourself a little bit. And that's what kids do. And and again, I believe when you are an active parent, right? And I and I and I say that respectfully because everybody's situation is different.

22:24 But when you are an active parent, excuse me, let me reverse that. Excuse me. When you are a legitimate parent, you're all in. That's what I mean. Cuz because you can still be an active parent and co-parent. So I want to I want to take that back. I want to take that back cuz I respect all forms of parenthood. Yeah. Yeah. But when you are a parent, you are very involved. It's okay to kind of like, all right, you lost yourself then, but you kind of come back. You know what I mean? Um, again, because kids will do that to you, bro. They really will. It's like they know. They push. It's like they know how to extort you. Like they watch you and they go, "Ah, okay." Like my son, when it comes to like the sweets or whatnot, I don't do the sweets that much, you know? So candy, soda, never. Non-negotiable. No candy, no soda ever. You know what I'm saying? For real. For real. Um, but like they'll have like chocolate and um, it's Halloween, right? So, around a month. So, my fiance will get a coffee and then from time to time I get a donut. He knows how I feel about the overindulgence. So, her taunt me. How does he know how to do that? You see what I'm saying? How does he know how to do that? But they're so innocent, which they are.

23:32 But he'll be like, "Daddy, guess what I got today?" I like, "What?" He goes, "A donut." How does he know how to do that? You know what I'm saying? Hit me like a donut. And I just laugh. I'm like, "All right, bro. I'm watching you." But he knows. You know what I'm saying? They know. Bro, these kids are funny. Yo, I read in the book, man, that the top three reasons for divorce. What you think is? I mean, I kind of just gave you like a foreshadowing, but what you what you think the top three reasons are for divorce? I feel like disagreements with parenting. Okay. Yeah. uh that um I feel like becoming just disinterested in your spouse, you know, just becoming bored, maybe uh just maybe like complacency if that's not the same thing. Yeah. So, in the book it said chores. Yeah. Think about it. So, say you're in a relation with your wife. Yeah. And she's told you over and over. Listen, Brad, when you come in, please take your shoes off. It's very in I read this in a book. One of my favorite books, Compound Effect. One of my favorite books. I've heard of that. Yeah. Great book. Okay.

24:30 She asked you to take your shoes off, but that compound compounds 10 years. Right. In your mind, you're not really thinking about that. You just got off a six, seven, eight, nine, 10 hour shift. But in her mind, it's a big deal. And it happens over and over and over, right? So, it's like little household chores. Hey, I told you put the put the seat down. We've all heard that story. Please put the seat down. Please put the seat down. You told her, listen, please pick your clothes up when you come in over that. So, chores. We all know the other one. Finances. We all know that one. How did I miss that? I know. I was waiting for you to say that. You know why? Because you were just thinking about the kids. Yeah. Yeah. Finances. And the last one, them goddamn kids. Okay. So, I had one, right? Because what they do is, bro, they they seek out they seek out who they can get away with stuff, right? So, like, I know I may be able to get away with such and such with dad, right? So, I'm going to go over this. Yo, they do they do that. They do that. Yo, ask around. That's been going on. It's way bigger than me. But that's why you got to be on the same page because it gets hard because again, and this what nobody talks about when you get married and you have kids, there's ideology, differences, right? Ideology, um different psychologies, um ideologies, everything where you and your significant other cuz I want to be you and your significant other, excuse me.

25:48 You may have grown up in a situation where Halloween isn't your family could be and I'm very religious. you don't believe in Halloween and everything that comes with where you can be married to someone you know but I never really spoke about it where they may love Halloween and do you like Halloween do you care no so right so let's right very some that don't even hit home right but they love Halloween that side of their family and I'm just rambling but this could the ideology and the principles I'm trying to get at their family is very festive they love it all where you may not really be your family was never really made a big deal of it right and you're like I don't really care well why don't you show this that and just over is cuz now the kids involved and the kid love Halloween. You don't really care to go to the schools. That [bleep] that [bleep] You know what I'm saying? It's like that those little things add up and you don't even think about it. You see what I'm saying? But now you got the kid involved and now they want you to be act feel some certain way because your child loves Halloween. Yeah. You see what I'm saying? That that I like I don't give a [bleep] about Halloween now because I'm an adult. I got kids or and I'm just saying in general or or or it can be this is another one that everyone can get to. You want to work out and you believe in healthy foods but your significant other don't. That's a big one.

26:58 You know what I'm saying? Where you want to eat a certain way but your significant other is going to McDonald's. Your significant other is going to here. That's a bigger one. You cooking and [bleep] and she and other one. Yeah. Yeah. Or or she's cooking and he yo vice versa. That's that's another controversial one, right? That's a that's a I've heard that forever. That's a big thing because then again, kids are going to follow the mode you give them, right? So now that I have kids, so I grew up unhealthy, but that's all my mother knew. I don't blame her for it, but that's all my mother knew. I believe there's a major major correlation between low-inccome housing and fast food and slash unhealthy foods. Yeah. So we grew up Kool-Aid, Gatorade, soda, breads, [bleep] fried bologn sandwiches, white bread, wonderbread, all of that. You know what I'm saying? So, craft cheese, all of that stuff. You know what I'm saying? So then that that I didn't know no better because I was raised in that healthy and now also when you combine your genetics, depending on what your genetic code is. I was a chubby kid. So now I'm living a life that was just laid out in front of me. You see what I'm saying? So all of that stuff, man, your kids are a product for the most part.

28:10 cuz I believe when you get a certain age, it's up to you to unlearn it if you want to. But um you are your kids are going to do for the most part the life whatever you reach out for, you know what I mean? Whatever you did for them, you know, so you don't you don't know no better until you want better. Yeah. Fair enough. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Going back to um going back to you as the father, you know what I'm saying? you and like in like the the foundation that you set. What do you believe a child should feel when their father walks into the room? Loved, protected. They should feel loved. They should feel protected. Um structure that he comes with. And I don't mean to be sexist because I believe women can have that too. Um but above all love, protected, structured, um and all all I guess those are my three big things.

29:20 You say structure that he comes with. What do you mean exactly? Daddy's home. Okay. Let's make sure we listening to mommy. Let's make sure we listening to the rules in the house. You know, let's make sure we picking up after ourselves. Those things. Yeah. Cuz that's cuz when I come in the house, after I say my highs or what not, that's coming up next. You say what? Cuz after I come in the house and I'm like, "Hi, babies. How's everybody doing?" All right, let's start picking everything up. Okay. Cuz normally also the routine when I get home, that's kind of what it's like. Like my fiance is getting them up to take a bath and ain't nobody listening. You know what I mean? But that's just my reality. You know what I mean? [bleep] Yo, that's Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So again, I believe they should feel loved, protected, but also All right, daddy's here. Yeah. Yes, let's get it going. Let's get moving. You know what I'm saying? Let's let's get moving. Yo, and also again that's I just as as a father that's just what it comes with. Like let's just be honest. So it's like again I'm not saying both genders can't play that role both. I I absolutely absolutely but just I'm just saying from my experience. That's just how I am as a father. I believe in all of those things. But also the structure, discipline, love, you know what I mean?

30:28 But let's not let's remember, you know, that's also what daddy comes with too. Okay. And you say the structure and that involves like chores and making sure that you picking stuff up and things are getting Yeah. You're being you're being held accountable, right? You know who you are. You have your individuality. You have clarity in your thoughts. Let me ask you when it comes to chores, what do you Because you have a son, two daughters. And two daughters. Okay. What is your What's your take on girls taking out the trash? Hell yeah. Okay. So, this is my thing cuz my fiance will take out the track. Yo. All right. Man, this is this is this is a this is a big deal to some people and I don't understand it. This is my thing. I have two girls. I was raised by a woman. Mhm. I believe in equality and I believe we are also equally different. Like if I had it my way, my fiance wouldn't have to work. One, because I believe we should protect our women, right? my fiance wouldn't have to work, but I also wouldn't put her in a position where she's powerless.

31:32 She would have access to everything, right? And she would still have her own individuality because she deserves that because of her character and also her role because she deserves that. But also, I also think women can do that too. There's nothing because you that's also your space, right? So for my daughters, I'm raising my daughters to also be your own woman, right? People aren't worth your time if they're not worth your time, right? So, I don't think you you can't stop doing things for yourself because of your gender, I think it's belitting in in my defense, right? So, again, if you want to be an individual, if you want to be a woman and you don't want to do this, you don't want to do that, that's cool. But I also want my my my girls to be self-sufficient. M I want my girls I'm going to p yo I push my daughter and I'm my my youngest is is is 12 months is about to be she's about to be 12 months. So I'm just going to say my middle daughter I push her just how hard I push my son if not more because people are going to look at you differently because you are a woman. We not doing that in my house. If my son is jumping a 20inch box little girl you next.

32:37 You see what I'm saying? Because not only are you capable you can do it. Mhm. So, I don't that gender [bleep] Now, if we're going off of biology, they are different. I'm not going to get into that cuz that video will explode. And that's just the truth. Yeah. Yeah. Don't argue with me. Argue with science. But as far as females, my daughters, you are every bit as capable as my son, right? But the truth is, world is going to look at y'all different and it is what it is. But my daughters are just as capable as my son. You aren't superior. I mean, you aren't inferior at all. Right? So my daughters again, so as they get older, right, if my daughter wants to bring a boy to the house, right, if my you not that you can't do that, it just depends on your character cuz my son is older. If my son is 16, 17 and he wants to bring his girlfriend over, right, but he's an [bleep] And if my daughter, she's responsible, she's articulate, she communicates, she has that privilege. So it's not necessarily a gender thing. Now, again, what comes with the genders? There are some things that it just is what it is. But as far again taking out the trash. Hell yeah.

33:41 My daughter can do it. Why? Because you also live here too. You can contribute to where you live. That's what I always say. You can contribute to where you live. Now also again as a man there's certain things my son should always protect my daughter because he's physically stronger. It is what it is. But my daughter should also know how to defend and protect herself as well. You see? You see what I'm saying? But as far as little things like that, yeah, you shouldn't be exempt because you're a woman. I think that's belitting. And that's how you get yourself in a situation where people kind of contradict you. I'm assuming people are condescending towards you and they feel like you can't do nothing but Absolutely. Yeah, you should. Why not? That's like self-defense. Women should take if if my son take self-defense, my daughters are taking self-defense. You see what I'm saying? It's the same thing. And it's crazy cuz I remember talking to a coworker at my job and uh I was doing the dishes. I was washing the dishes and um she was like, "I don't think I would uh I would I would have my son wash dishes." I'm like, "Why? You want him to do you want him to rely on a woman to do that when he's older when she thinks it's like a feminine trait? I guess.

34:39 And let me tell you, a lot of men do think. And let me tell you something. I have my flaws. I won't call them flaws. I have my flaws as in what's feminine, what's masculine, but my son can cook just like my daughter can cook. My son, [bleep] you ate off them dishes, right? You can clean them. Wash them shits. Absolutely. My daughter can wash dishes just like he can wash dishes. Washing clothes. You know what I'm saying? Like I think there I think there's just certain things that kind of like it it's it it can everyone can benefit from it, you know. Yeah. As far as chores go, I just don't believe in in a gender roles in that regard. Yeah. Cuz we already live in a man, we already live in a place where nobody cares about how we feel. And don't get me going on that. I keep you here at midnight where nobody cares how we feel. So it's like, nah, that that's not fair. So even in the house, if there's time to pick things up, little girl, you can help him. You can pick it up, too. You know what I'm saying? If there's Absolutely. Absolutely. You are not exempt because of your gender, sweetheart. What do you think about the uh that that archaic mentality? Softer on the girls and harder on the boys. Nah, I man cuz I don't want to contradict what I just said. I understand why we do it, but I think when you do that, it's this constant recycling of nobody cares how men feel.

36:00 Nobody cares how men feel, but we're going to At this point, you might as well just dive into that. I know. Yeah. And we we we allow the woman to express herself and marginalize her feelings because a lot of times feelings aren't facts. Facts are facts. So, I feel like when we do that and we are so and I get it, right? It's we get that because society doesn't care about the man. Society doesn't care about the man. Society doesn't care about the man, but we care about the female. And I understand, right? I said women should be taken care of. Don't get me wrong. But I think men have feelings, too. And I believe we are in such a beautiful time where people are starting to express. Let me tell you something. I'm like a stay at home father, right? I'm like a stay at home father. I work with my kids. And I feel like because my fiance and I, we do it so well, right, people don't see how hard of a struggle that is for both of us, right? And I feel like if the roles were reversed, right, and traditionally, let's say it was a traditional situation where I'm working and my fiance's at home with the kids, she would get all of the grace.

37:06 And I understand, right? All of the grace, all of the compassion. But I don't think I get that much compassion from society truly. I don't think so. I think it's well, you're a man. You'll figure it out. And I've had many conversations with people, women about it, and they kind of said that, you know what I mean? Oh, wow. You do that and I get it. It's not traditional. And I'm not saying I'm the first who have ever done it. And I believe if the roles reverse, my fiance would absolutely do it, right? So, this is not that she wouldn't or her role was inferior by any means, but I do feel like if the roles were reversed, oh my god. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. That [bleep] is no tough task, bro. posted an episode and uh a woman said, "I love seeing men talk." Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And I'm like, "Yo, it's different times, man. Yo, I never thought I would be a home father, a stay I don't want to say stay at home father." Um because I also work I'm I don't say that cuz I'm proud of that title. It's Yo, it's a blessing to be able to be with my kids and teach my bro, I watched my son ride a bike with no with no training wheels at three three and a half. You know what I'm saying? I mean, my fiance was sending me the videos because I was at the gym, but like I was with him with him all day, bro. I've carried, bro, since my son was 4 months old, bro. I carried him in this arm and worked all day.

38:15 Personal trained all day. But my daughter was 4 months old, I carried her in this arm, personal trained all day. My youngest daughter, who is 11 months old, I carry her in this arm, work all day with my little. So, it's like it's a blessing. It's tough. You know what I'm saying? I think we do a good job of making it look easy, but that [bleep] is hard, bro. [bleep] is hard. Very hard. I've never had paternity leave. When you make something Yeah. hard look easy, that's how you know it's Yeah. And it's all right because I'm built for it. You know what I mean? I'm built for it. So, I get it. And that's what it comes with. It's because I don't not seeing it. Not saying it's bad, but I'm built for it and I carry it. Well, and that's what it comes with. So, when we do lash out, it looks like we're angry, but a lot of times because we not being listened to. Cuz when we're tired, we have to justify why we're tired. Does that make sense? Well, I'm tired. D. And this is like that because and I yo my fiance say this and she'll laugh cuz I've kind of like I've pushed that ideology in her. Yo, I'll say this. One time my fiance and I and this is my experience so I can tell it.

39:17 One time my fiance and I we was at a football game for um her side of the family and we were talking about you know the dichotomy of her and I and what we have going on. Um, and a friend of the family said, "Oh, wow. You're with the kids all day. Wow. Most of them man I know can't even basically do anything for themselves." And I didn't take offense to that because it doesn't apply to me. Again, I don't take nothing personal unless it's personal. But that's how people think. Especially that industrial age thinking. Wow, you do a lot. Wow, you do a lot. The men I know, they can't even take care of themselves. I'm kind of just like, "Wow, [bleep] We really get [bleep] on." Yeah. Now, understand men do cuz I try to be fair. Men do dumb [bleep] I know a lot of men who do dumb [bleep] you know what I'm saying? But I fight for good men. You know what I'm saying? Good men who deserve it. We get [bleep] on a lot and the expectations are very low. You know what I'm saying? And I and I and I I understand. But it's just it's the reality is crazy. But going off your question, I believe you need to be hard on the women, too.

40:18 Truly, I believe you need to be hard on men and women, right? You back it up with love. But I think women need because women can do great things. They need to be pushed. Women need to be taught accountability. Women need to be taught discipline. Need Women need to be taught perseverance, right? It needed Women need to be taught all of those things because the world is going to be hard on you, right? They're going to look down on you and think you may not know something because you're a female. Nah. I think the most dangerous the most dangerous individual in the world is a female who could think for themselves. I think so. You know what I'm saying? And I'm sexist. I'm not misogynistic, but I'm sexist. Meaning, if I'm playing best with a woman, you ain't beating me. I'm using my body. I'm using my testosterone. That's Let's be honest. Come on, man. Come on, man. Come on, man. If my son and my daughter's gonna race, for the most part, my son's going to win now cuz he's older. He's bigger. He's stronger. Come on. Let's do You know what I'm saying? It's the truth. Let's be honest now. But I think it's how Father Pendulum swings now. I'm not misogynistic, but I'm a little sexist. If I'm playing a sport against woman, I want I'm not going to let you beat me, but I understand I can be beaten.

41:21 Now, I'm not like one of those, can no woman beat me. That's crazy. Absolutely. But for the most part, I'm kind of use my body, use my testosterone a little bit, but I understand I can lose. Absolutely. I was talking to my friend about this. I'm like, "Bro, like you legitimately think there's no woman that can beat your ass. You're bugging." See, that's like that's crazy cuz Yes. Yeah. Yeah, it is. There's plenty. I grew up with women who was dangerously fast. See, now when you get into running, that's different. Now, most of the time in lifting, your average man is going to be stronger than the average woman. And if you don't believe that, you don't believe in science. and you and I don't even need to talk. Now, there are situations, but most of the time 100 a 130lb man will be stronger than a a bigger female because of testosterone. Now, Ghana, you have some situations. Sure. Right. But I'm just saying off of if I'm being if I'm generalizing now, there are some situations that are different, but if you just believe no woman can outrun you, excuse me, can't do anything better than you is crazy. Now, when it comes into like using your brain, that's different. That is a fair game. Now, if you going around thinking you're just smarter than a woman cuz you're a man, that to me is insane.

42:27 That's wild. I just mean like some physical aspects is a little different, right? Um, but running, that's a different situation, bro. When you get I've been running for 4 months or running a mile every day. That's a different world. I don't care who you are. Old adult, youth, woman, I mean, excuse me, female, bro. That that bro, no gender roles. you get your ass whipped, cooked. Mhm. For real. Yeah. I just, you know, I'm just like I I just couldn't understand the logic. I'm like, bro, like Ronda Rousey can beat your ass. Absolutely. He doesn't believe Ronda Rousey can beat his ass. He's drunk. The [bleep] are you talking about? He's drunk. And that's a [bleep] See, but people like that, you can't I'm learning you can't necessarily you can't win or you're both just going to look silly, right? Because he has his own way of thinking and that's all right. But he's bugging. Can he fight? And I don't mean hood fight. Can he fight? He's losing. He's losing. What the hell? I love him. Yeah. I mean, if he's really If he's really mad, I'll give him like he can he can handle himself. But can he actually fight like in a technical sense? Like, no.

43:34 Nah. Like I said, I'm a man, too, and I am sexist. But again, there comes a line where you need to be realistic. Look, I'm a pretty strong individual. I'm not the strongest. I can definitely defend myself. I'm not beating Ronda Rousey. I'm not. Now, if Ronda Rousey and I are benching together, I think I may win because I live that way. But as far as fighting Ronda Rousey, I'm not going to win. I don't think I'm going to win. Hey Ronda, hey, I love everything you do. Right. Say you Ronda. I'm shaking your hand. Ronda, I love everything you do. You are a beast. Hopefully my family and I can train with you. You all good in my book. You got it, man. You got You all good in my book. That's crazy. Teach me a thing or two about Come on. I just I couldn't believe it. I just I you know what I mean? But I'm just like this but this is dead ass how the [bleep] think. Yeah. I think there's a certain level where it's just about skill. You see what I'm saying? Don't get me wrong. I think gender plays a role. Don't get me wrong. But let's just put it like this. Ronda Rousey is on a level that you either have to be in or you're not. So if the conversation is can Ronda Rousey beat ABC, that's a different conversation. But because there are some talented people who aren't famous. Sure.

44:42 Sure. But if you're not on that level, it's not a conversation. And that's just like we're just being honest. What What's that sprinter, man? The the black one with the long fingernails. Is it a man or woman? Female. Shakari Richardson. Come on, bro. Okay. That's like saying you can get up and and run a a 40 fashion of her. Yeah. Okay. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. [bleep] Yeah. But it's like, but see the thing is like, and correct me if if if if this if I'm off on this, but it's like men are taught to feel that their feelings don't matter, whereas women are told to accept that their value doesn't. I think it depends cuz my daughter's value matter, but I think it depends on what you're learning in the house. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I think it depends on what you're learning cuz my yo my son's see and this is where I guess going back to what I struggle with cuz my son's feelings matter cuz he's four but also there are sometimes where buddy I know you feeling like that but let's let's cut it out. If I do the same thing with my daughter, you know what I'm saying? Um but I also believe I I also believe not every all of your feelings don't matter for the most part, right? It's how you present it. You know what I'm saying?

45:58 Um, but yeah, I think when you say women are taught that their value doesn't matter, what do you mean by that? What I mean is what I it's it's like there dude, there are men who believe that women don't deserve to vote. That's crazy. That women don't make good leaders. That Yo. Okay. Yo yo, so during the campaign, I was talking to my boy about that. and he was saying he doesn't believe a female can be president. And that blew my mind because I'm like, we were both raised by single parents. Your father left. Mhm. You see what I'm saying, bro? I was raised by a single mom. My father left. Mhm. Women can do whatever they want. Mhm. I 100% believe a Bro, if Michelle Obama ran for president, [bleep] I'd vote 15 times. I voted for Camal Harris. I would vote here. I would vote in Jersey. Yo, but it also comes I like her emotionally, but also I've watched enough videos where I respect her views. I mean, she would have to dive into a little bit more, but it's like I don't believe you are a leader based off your genitalia because I know cuz in my mind when I think of leadership, I think of clarity.

47:10 Mhm. I think of not just financials, financials, um, emotional intelligence, discernment. So, I don't necessarily think you are a leader because of your genitals because I know a lot of men who don't have none of that. As soon as they face discomfort, they revert back to what makes them comfortable and they know what's good. They can't talk. They can't articulate. If we're going there, they they they have emotions like women. So, it's like that's not really fair. You know what I'm saying? So, I think absolutely women can be leaders. In some traditions, women are the leaders. You know what I'm saying? So, I I I don't agree with that at all. I think women can absolutely be leaders. I don't agree. I just like that's crazy. But see, but that's misogynistic 100%. That's and when him and I had his debate again, my my initial statement was, "Listen, I'm sexist. That was sexist." His was, "No, it's not." So now you're going to piss me off because now if you had just said, "Hey, listen. I'm sexist. I'm misogynist. This how I feel." I wouldn't argue with you. But you can't sit here and tell me you're not sexist when that literally is the definition of it. You're telling me a female can't lead, but your mother is you you were raised by a single woman. You were raised by a leader. That didn't make sense.

48:21 Wait, is that sexist or misogynistic? I'm sorry. That's misogynistic. Misogynistic. I'm so sorry. Yeah, that's misogynistic. Cuz I don't want to label myself in that. Just for Yeah, just for the just for the sake of clarification, tell me the difference, as you know, between sexism and misogyny. I think sexism is thinking you are better than or great greater than a gender, right? A certain gender. Yeah. Where misogynistic is you believe that that sex isn't good enough at all for anything. It's inferior completely and is not good enough at all in any shape, way or form. Understood. Yeah. And I could be wrong, but that's what I think. I don't know the textbook definition. I I think I think that's I think that's I think you're there. You know what I'm saying? I don't disagree with that [bleep] at all. I cuz I also believe every man for the most part is sexist. Like let's be honest. I think so. Like I wouldn't mind having a boss who's superior to me. I mean, excuse me, a boss who's a female and make more money than me. It is what it is. I think that's great. I think as much as crazy times that we are in, I think black people and women are in a a better situation they've ever been. Don't get me wrong, the world's always going to be racist. The world's always going to be sexist. You know, females don't get paid. My my fiance is a teacher. She should be she should be getting paid way more money.

49:31 Yeah, teachers should make Bro, teachers should make way more money. They should make as much as doctors if you ask. Way more money. I've always said that. In Germany, I think they do actually, man. Listen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In some foreign countries. Yeah, man. That's that's not an easy job, man. You're a dead ass holding the minds of the future like that. You should be valued a hell of And not only that, you're in charge of the safety for a few hours. Absolutely. You know what I mean? Absolutely. That [bleep] is [bleep] Absolutely. Absolutely. But no, I'm I'm glad that because I you know there was a video I watched recently too where a guy was like he said that women are the closest thing to God because of how they because of how they give life and I you know what I'm not the biggest spiritual individual but I would agree. I I I can see that you know and it was just it was just so much [bleep] and and my guy was just like what and I was just like god damn I I want to know who this guy is. Yeah. Yo, and again, if I'm being honest, bro, I was raised by a single mom. You know what I'm saying? Like, I watched my mom sacrifice everything. So, it's like, and don't get me wrong, you you you grow up and you have your own experiences. But to sit here and say, I don't believe that, you know, women, it's crazy cuz my mother was a leader.

50:48 You know what I'm saying? My mother was a leader. I followed her lead. I've learned from her. I've watched her. You know, I mean, I had to grow my But you get what I'm saying? That's that's that's insane. Yeah. Especially when my father left. So you can't sit there and tell. Now again, I don't believe all men. No, you know what I mean? I I understand where it comes from. We're going back in ancient times where men were the hunters and gatherers. I I understand it. I get it. You know what I mean? But I don't believe in that. Yeah. I know a lot of strong women. It's crazy when you when you come from an environment in which you don't have the greatest relationship with women. Oh, is that his situation? Yeah. Gotcha. And I respect I see the trauma. Mhm. And if you understand his situation, you if you know his situation, you can understand it. And it doesn't make it right. Absolutely. Yeah. But I'm like, I I see why he thinks the way that he thinks. But but this goes back to what I'm saying is everybody's psychology is different because if I remember, you said your relationship with your mother wasn't the best. But you and I have the same philosophies on women. You see what I'm saying? Mind you, I was sorry, I was adopted. my biological mother, she did all of this, but I don't I don't think I need to go disrespecting women. But everybody's brain is different. We all process information differently, and then we we learn and then we do things differently. So, he processed it his way. You know what I'm saying?

52:02 Yeah. And for me, it took it it just took years of just of work and being lonely and questioning why I was lonely. I'm like, why can't I interact with the opposite sex? because you don't need to be reacting because you simp it takes having family, having kids, and running them through that. See, that's the definition of healing. You see what I'm talking about now? That's the definition of healing. And and and by the by the grace of whatever you right, you didn't allow yourself to be stubborn to stay in that. bring a kid in this world, drag him through 10, 15 years of that, and then choose to find this place 20 years later. You see what I'm saying? This is the definition of healing. This part now, I don't know what you're doing in that phone in your alone time. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? I don't know what you're doing in that phone.

53:00 Well, I I can't but what I can tell you is I've actually uh embarked a path of celibacy uh since really That's amazing. Yeah. I don't know who told you that, but yo, that's dope. That's dope. I think that's dope. I really Yo, I think that's dope, man. And it I think it just gives you clarity in your individuality, bro, and who you are. And yo, cuz I know a lot of people, bro, who are sex crazy, and I know you shared that, but and what that comes with. And yo, bro, I'm sure that's nothing good. Relationships ruin. You know what I'm saying? So, the fact that you're you're you're healing, let's just call it that. And hopefully I don't want to disrespect you what you But the fact that you're on that road, bro, I think that [bleep] is dope, man. because a lot of people can't do it and it takes a lot of trials and tribulations and you know relationships you got to ruin to get to where you at. Maybe you did but it looked like you learned from it which is which is dope man. You know what I'm saying? Cuz I think there's a difference of lonely and being alone. Yes. You know what I'm saying? I've had this conversation so many times and I will continue to do it. That [bleep] is important. It is. But everybody needs it. Yes. Everybody needs it. Yes. you know, and uh that um you're really firm. You're really firm in your beliefs and I like the way you carry yourself in that regard. You really stand on business. Yeah.

54:16 And that actually uh brings me into my next question. Um you said something in the last interview. You said, "If I say something, that means do it." Yeah. What place does your child's disagreement have in that relationship? This is assuming they're like a little older. Yeah. What What do you mean? What place? What I'm saying is like kids show defiance. Yeah. And in some situations in some situations it's understandable. Absolutely. You know what I'm saying? But I guess are you comfortable being ch if you're let's say your child is a teenager or pret are you comfortable being challenged in real time? So I want my kids to challenge me and that's when that's when it gets hard, right? Because in your mind you're you were growing up where what I say goes. So even now my son will challenge me and I do give him to the like for example I I we we taught our kids and I'm going to say me cuz my fiance is really good with that truly. So I'm just going to say me right now cuz she's really good with that. So she never really had to teach him that. But I yo if you're doing something I'm asking you to do something you can say all right dad give me a minute all right dad hold on one minute but sometimes I like now but I catch myself and he's just communicating you see what I'm saying where I had to like tell myself like yo that's actually all right because I grew up when I say jump how high that mean how high you know what I'm saying kids should be seen not heard that's like the black code you know what I'm saying yeah ain't that [bleep] And I do believe there's a time and there is a place, you know what I'm saying? Cuz sometimes there are certain conversations that and think kids don't need to be around, right? You know what I'm saying? Um, but also I think kids should challenge and I watched this amazing interview on the

56:08 Breakfast Club. I forget his name. Black brother. But you want your kids to kind of challenge that because when they're out in the real world, you want them to challenge authority. Now, there are some times where I got to let my son know, all you talking a little too much right now. Enough is enough. You know what I'm saying? like this right now. I'm not trying to challenge you cuz I believe in a dictatorship and a democracy, but right now I'm not it's not time for a democracy. Like it's time to stop what you're doing. We got to go or stop what you doing. It's time to go to bed. But yo, there are some times where I I kind of want that civil discourse cuz even when they're growing up, man, like I think there should be that safe space, man, where kids should express themselves. Like right now, my son, "Daddy, you're so rude." Sometimes I get tired of hearing that. What am I doing to you? Rude? You don't even know what rude is. You know what I mean? But I I do believe in that. And hopefully by the time they are a teenager, even like 9, 10, 11, 12, they can kind of cuz there's a fine line between disagreeing and disrespect. You know what I'm saying? There's a fine line between obedience and disobedient, right? So if I if I tell you to do something, you can challenge that, right? But there's also a time where it's like, okay, I'm telling you do this there. There it's it's it's not a democracy right now. It is a dictatorship.

57:18 But I do believe in civil discourse, man, because I think that's how kids learn how to navigate that. Like when my kids are in school, I'm going teach them. It's not black history. It's not black American history, it's American history. You see what I'm saying? So when my kids are in school, that's not disrespect. That's the part where challenge that teacher and if it's the right teacher, you won't get in trouble. So it's not black history, it's American history. Christopher Columbus, uh, I don't really believe in him. Yeah, that's challenging. That's all right. You don't need to sit there and take that. You see what I'm saying? My third grade teacher told me, I never forget. She told me the truth. She told us the truth about Christopher Columbus. [bleep] was a joke. He hated Tyenos. He's a piece of [bleep] Yeah. He didn't discover nothing. He actually was an incompetent explorer. Yeah. I learned that on my own in my 30s. He was bold. I will give him that. He asked for he he asked for the amount of money he wanted to to do it or whatever. And he got it. He was bold at that. But that's about as much as as much, you know, props as I will give him. You know what I mean? Because outside of that, I mean, what what rape, pillaging, you know what I mean?

58:23 And they won't teach they won't teach you that. And that's why now it's indigenous day as it should be. My kids, we won't celebrate that [bleep] And I'm learning more about myself, about my culture and history. But yeah, but I think there's a big difference though, you know, and no, that's that's valid because I was I was I remember talking to people about that [bleep] like kids should kids should grow up and understand that it's that they they should feel comfortable challenging authority. They should, man. In a respectful way. It depends on how you want to raise your kids. Um, and again, and that's why I don't, again, I'm going to keep, but that's why it's a constant battle with who you want to be and who you are. It's hard. It is. It's hard because it's easy to, you know, when you see other kids and you're so nice, you're so pain cuz they're not yours. You're not with them all day. Then you're around your kid, you may be a little bit more short-tempered because you're with them all day. But it's a little bit difference, man. And it's just I think it always goes back to how you want to be and who you are. [bleep] is huge. That's the biggest battle. You know what I mean? Because you're allowed to be human. You're allowed to be tired, over stimulated. I think those are very fair things to be. You know what I'm saying?

59:25 I think your words matter. I think every adult should apologize to their kid. All of that. Tell your kid I love you. I wasn't told I love you that much growing up. So, I tell as much as I can. You know what I mean? I kiss my son on the lips and all of that. Did we talk about that the last time? I feel like we did. I don't kissing your son on the lips. Mhm. I don't think so. My father kissed me on the lips one time. I think you did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. See, but my son is four. I don't think I do that when he's like 8 9 10 11. You know what I mean? But to each his own. Yeah. You know what I mean? My son, I don't do it often, but yo, that's my flesh and my blood. You know what I mean? Yeah. So many people have issues when I said that [bleep] man. And I'm just like, bro, like, no. Like, you can't Socrates was actually put to death. Yeah. Because he was teaching kids to uh rebel Yeah. against authority, against religion and [bleep] like that. I I mean he was doing other [bleep] too, but that was a reason why that was one of the reasons why. And I I respect, you know what I mean, that people kids should be taught to be freeth thinkers.

1:00:28 They should. And I I think it a lot of it just depends on your beliefs and your values and ultimately what you want to discipline and what you don't want to discipline. Now, I think there's a fair line. Now, sometimes like we'll say something to him and he'll yell it back. That's different. control yourself. You know what I'm saying? But like for example, there's a lot of if we ask him to do something, he says not right now. I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. You know what I'm saying? Sh sometime he doing something. You know what I'm saying? Now again, there's sometimes where no, you got to stop right now. We got to go. You know what I'm saying? And I yo, like this morning, I swear to God, I told him in the car, "Yo, I'm sorry. We're rushing. That was me. That's all my fault." You know what I mean? We're rushing. That's on daddy. You know what I mean? But um sometimes, yo, like marriage, let's it's time to eat. Oh, hold on, daddy. One second. Okay. You know what I'm saying now? Five. All right, man. Come on, baby. It's time to But I think it just depends, man. It just depends. You know, when I uh I better be a jerk. My mother wanted me to go to the store to get her something. And this is one thing I think too, like a lot of parents think it's okay to basically treat their kids like slaves. Like, you're going to go home.

1:01:31 I talk to my boy about that often. Yeah. I I used to hate that [bleep] And I remember one time I was tired as hell. I don't remember what I was doing. I was moving around a lot. I was so tired. She wanted me to go to the store for her to get her some chicken or some [bleep] I'm like, come on. I'm like, I'm so tired. And she bugged out on me. Like, I don't give a [bleep] I tell you to do something, you're going to [bleep] do it. Like, I'm Yeah. See, but and I think and I think that's the aspect where it comes into if we're healed, heal or not. Like that aspect. You know what I'm saying? Because again, in her ideology, she may feel like, listen, I'm your parent. If I say something, I want it done now. You know what I'm saying? I may want it done now. Yeah. You know, and I'm just like, Jesus. You know, and I'm going to And I think I think about [bleep] like that. I'm like, it's just so much [bleep] Like, I'll just I'll get up and do [bleep] Like, me person, I just get up and do [bleep] myself. Yeah. You know, it's just so much [bleep] It's just not necessary. Like, you know how much energy it takes to call out at somebody that are like two, three rooms away Yeah.

1:02:34 to come bring a lot. And you know it, but it's just like I I'm not the you know, I'm not the only person that has that has Yeah. that experience. And I'm just like, you know, you feel like just because you rear these like like you you're the reason why these kids are here and you rear them like that just gives you the the right to just Yeah. And it's just like that gets hold. So, and it's like and that's another thing why I won't beat my kids because [bleep] if my son stay on the path that he on now by the time he 14 15 cuz and also and this is where like what happens when the beatings stop working. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So, what happens when they're 14? So, Marlon Wayne put up this video. I don't know if you ever I'mma show you it. Go ahead. I'mma show you it. You'll like this. Let me see. My wife telling me to stand up. That's ridiculous. Don't spank your kids. Why not?

1:03:43 Because that shows that you're a poor communicator. Is there a baby? Yeah. Why can't you talk to a baby? Every time you spank your kids, you're taking your potential best friend. Yo, and like I agree with that to a degree. Like I like they're young. I Well, first of all, I I understand what he's saying like don't spank your baby, you know? You're I agree with the you should be a better communicator. I do agree with that, right? And I also do understand that a lot of time you hit your kids not because it's a you thing, you're that frustrated. Um, but I've had people tell me I need to spank my 14 when my son was 14, 15 months old and I thought that was insane. Y to this day I've never spanked my kids again cuz I don't want to contradict myself. I believe in it, but I just What's the reasoning for it? If that makes sense. 15 months is why, bro? I never forget it. Who the [bleep] said that? I ain't even going to say his name. Yeah, I ain't got to say. Yo, I was I was trained in the gym. Mhm. I was trained in the gym. And I guess cuz I don't want to cut myself. I guess when I say I believe in ass spankings. I believe when your kids, we all know your brain ain't developed till you're 25, but there's a point in age where your kids is, you know, 8 n 10 11 where they know what they're doing.

1:04:50 That's necessarily what I mean. M. So when your kids are one, two, come on, bro. Now I understand you get frustrated. Again, you may little pep on the butt, whatever, right? But as far as whipping your kids and and overly spanking them when they're that young, I think it's aggressive, right? One years old, that's aggressive. That's aggressive. But my son was like 14, 15, and mind you, I work with my kids, right? And so I always little kids. They're bored. Now granted, it can be frustrating, but they're also in an environment that ultimately they don't need to be in, right? So he was I had to say his name over and over. Bro, he's a child. And I remember him telling me a few clients actually, yo, you got to get that in under control. You got to, you know, nip that in the butt. And one of them who had kids, he was telling me how he he his their child is in football because they want to toughen him up. And I'm psychological and I'm analytical. I never asked this cuz as I've gotten older, I've learned to kind of just, you know, just until you need to express yourself. But in my mind, I thought, you want to put your child in a football because they're not tough enough. You think that'll toughen them up, but you hit them. So why they not as tough as you want them to be, right? But you but you you're physical with them.

1:06:00 Why are they not as tough as you want them to be? You see what I'm saying? So something clearly didn't work. Mhm. You see what I'm saying? And again, I believe in fear, right? Apply when it when it needs to be. I believe in it. But if you are so hands-on as you're telling me to be because clearly I'm not because I know people who look at me as it's so funny because everyone I know people who look at me as gentle and soft. So funny. Oh yeah. Yeah. You saw. Oh. Oh yeah. You need to be all right. We'll see in 20 years. Like we'll see. I know what I'm doing. You know what I'm saying? But it's just so funny, man. I've heard that and it's like it's just he's 14 15 months at the time. What you want me to do? You know what I'm saying? What do you want me to do? Yeah. Now, don't get me wrong. This time, I've grabbed him. Like, even now, I got to grab Yo, relax right now. It's time to relax, right? Let's chill out. But what you want me to full out spank him for being three, for being four? Now, don't get me wrong, he's learning. He knows what he's doing. You know what I'm saying? But he's also four. We got to give kids grace a little bit. Now, my tolerance may be different from such and such, right? But come on, man. Like, like there's one time I seen this video.

1:07:08 I was talking about this on my Instagram one time. I seen this video. This mom, the the child couldn't have been no older than 24 months. They were leaving this building. She got her phone out. Hey, wait for me. Wait for me. Opens the door. He starts running. I said, "Wait, wait. Huh? Wait." He's running. He's running. He gets to the car to open the door to follow. What' I tell you? Wait. He's crying. So, in my mind, that is where I'm like, "That's unnecessary. I'm going to tell you why. I'm going to tell you why." In my mind, as the parent, you're recording that. Yeah, right. So, you're record that child is literally a baby. Now, I agree they shouldn't be running across the parking lot for sure. That's unequivocally true, right? But you are the parent. Put the [bleep] phone down. Grab your child. That's one. Two, the child runs to the car. Now, the father is disciplining them. And in my mind, you just show that you don't have any power. The father has the power, which I'm not saying I neither agree or disagree with, but now the father has the power. And not for nothing, and I believe in spankings, but if that were me and I was the mom, well, excuse me. I mean, looking at that situation, why didn't you just discipline that as the parent who was behind the child? Why you recording that? That yo, in my mind, that doesn't make any sense. And that's where I'm like that's when like I think for me I think spons are so severe where I mean needed is where it's like okay you walk in the house excuse me you're in a situation where you told them to stop so many times stop throwing the ball stop throwing the ball they take the ball anyway and they throw it and they shatter the TV.

1:08:50 You should probably get your ass span for that. I've told you multiple times at that point that was deliberate or or unless the TV was in their room and now you just lost the TV now it's on you. That's different, right? But if you're in the family room where we all enjoy something and you've been told multiple times, which I also do believe the ball shouldn't have gotten as far in the living room, but sometimes things happen, right? Or like you jump off the couch, you jump on the TV after you said don't do that. You see what I'm saying? In my opinion, I think that's where like the consequences should be a little severe. Now, I still don't think the belt is necessary for that, but that's why I'm like, okay, I would understand why you should get your ass whipped for that. You see what I'm saying? In a situation like that, but um in that situation with the car, I just think that's silly. You're spanking him for something you could have controlled. Does that make sense? So I I thought a situation like that I think that's just that was very very silly. Very very silly. So it's like why why record your child running across the road? Why not why not discipline that as their parent, father, mother, whoever? Why not discipline that right then and there? Does that make sense? Am I bugging?

1:09:55 Like so never once would I record my son. Stop. Stop. Hey. Okay. Okay. Get to the car and now you just get your ass whipped. When I could have just put the [bleep] phone down. Put the phone down. And also never ever I'm pretty sure I will never record my son getting disciplined. I don't in in that context. You see what I'm saying? That that to me I I thought that was silly cuz like you control that situation. You control that. Why are you Mhm. That's just me. I thought that situ I don't I I don't think that needed to be recorded. I don't think that needed to be recorded. You know what I'm saying? I never forget that video. I said, "Huh, that's interesting." That's That's the digital age does ass and it's like it's silly, but I Everything happens for a reason. You know what I'm saying? These convers I mean people just everything is for the public now.

1:10:54 Yeah. Now, like I said, when you get to a certain age and you're deliberately being disrespectful, you're deliberately disrespecting your parents. You're deliberately have no respect for authority, something has to give. Something got to give. Something got And that's what I'm like, something has to give. Something has to give. But I feel like there always needs to be a situation where as a parent, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like there always has to be a situation where as a parents like you always look look at yourself like what what did I what did I miss? What did I do to Yeah, I think so. And I think those are one of the following as like I said, I think that reflection phase is in there up like the ass whipping. You know what I'm saying? Up until So, like the first time, okay, let's figure this out. Second time, all right, I'm telling you, what the [bleep] is going on? That's what Yeah. What the [bleep] I call my fiance right now. We say that all the time. What the [bleep] is going on in here? Because the [bleep] happened the first time. What the [bleep] is going on? That's [bleep] happens the first time. That's just like that's just them. That's just that that's just them learning what social norms are right and wrong. You know what I mean? But you correct it the second time and third time and it keeps happening like for example my son is every bit of a boy. Mhm.

1:12:05 And there's a lot of things that don't discipline because he's a boy and I've read there are studies his testosterone is as high as you and ours. Wow. Yeah. How old is he? Four. He's an animal. That [bleep] is crazy. So he only has two sisters. So, of course, it's going to be rough, but also she's a woman, so you need to learn keep your hands off women. I will die down that hill. Now, there's times he wrestling. Now, again, he's young. He doesn't necessarily understand gender roles cuz I don't want to contradict myself. Mhm. But he's also a little boy. He has to get that out. So, I'm not going to necessarily disciplining you for being physical because you're a boy. You need to get that out. But, there's a time where it goes too far. So, one time there at wrestling, I wasn't there, but he pushed her into the bed and her face hit the metal thing. She had a bruise on her face. He had to do wall sets for like 2 minutes. And I thought that was applicable. You know what I'm saying? Because bro, we've told you stop pushing her. Stop pushing her. Stop pushing her. Stop pushing her. Stop grabbing her. That's deliberate. I don't care. Now, I'm not going to spank you, right? I'm not going to hit you, but you just look at her face. Yo, she had a bruise on her face from here to here. I swear to God, for probably like nine days. The first two days were the worst. It looked like I hit her.

1:13:14 That's what I'm saying. And like they go to school and you got the teachers and [bleep] like you know like what's and I'm sorry but they going to think I did that [bleep] That's what I'm saying. They going to think I did that. Yo, one time bro my fiance my son told my fiance I slapped him in the face and I know she believed that [bleep] Yes. Yo I put this on my mother's soul. I have never done that and I know she believed it. One because that's her mother. Two, what would make you say that? And three, why? Still to this day I'm trying to fish in his mind what made him say that. I never get out to the gym. She texts me, "Yo, Mara said you slapped him." Yo, if we weren't in love and I know she would have cursed me out and then what made it worse, I don't text. I call I facetimed him. She put him on the phone and stay like this. So now it look like, you know what I'm saying? So I get home. Why would you say that? I don't know. But your kid do say the darnest [bleep] He just want attention. So it's like smacked you. But it's like where did you get that from? Where are you not where's the attention lacked? Why would you say that? Cuz yo, again, and I don't I don't want to turn this into color. They're going to believe it because of what I look like, my stature. Also, I believe in assapons. They're going to believe that.

1:14:25 So, I'm like, "Yo, bro, baby, you can't say that." Yo, the other day we were in the kitchen, my daughter was under the table. She said, "Daddy, stop hitting me in the head. I'm on the stove." I said, "What you come here?" Yo, you can't say that cuz they're going to believe that. You know what I'm saying? People are going to believe. You cannot say that. That's the fact. You got to watch what you say. You going to get somebody in trouble because it's off on the games until now they come to us. Such and such touch my such and such. I got to believe that. You know what I'm saying? Like you you you got to chill out, man. Like I remember being a kid joking around with my grandmother saying that my parents were ducking and dodging the light bill cuz I saw it on like a c I saw it on like a show or some [bleep] and I thought it was funny. [bleep] We all doing that. But you know what I'm saying? But they're like, "Oh, why are you saying that?" Like, they they definitely weren't doing that. They were paying the bills, but I saw it on Friday after next. They were ducking and dodging the rent and I just I applied the light bill or whatever the case. And I remember my parents were just like, "Why are you saying that?" You know, but it's just [bleep] It was funny to me and I just wanted the attention. But it's but like you look at [bleep] like that and it's like where is the you got to ask yourself like where is his where is his needs not being met.

1:15:41 You know what I mean? Like it's and I feel like that's so [bleep] hard because there's only so much a kid can communicate too. I know, bro. And that's where it clashes. And now you know. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And I I think back to a lot of the [bleep] I did and I'm just like, you know, just it's like Yeah. It's it's it's it's wild, you know what I mean? And sometimes [bleep] is sometimes things are, you know, like, you know, spiteful, you know what I mean? You may do it to get back at them or some [bleep] like they, you know, getting back into everything like, you know, raising raising, you know, kids of color in this society. It's there's a you feel like there's a different Excuse me. Sorry. Thank you. You feel like it's fair to say say that there's a slightly different approach that needs to be taken as far as what? As far as far as how they have to carry themselves. Absolutely. Okay.

1:16:44 You know, I had a conversation with and for the most part I respect all mindsets, you know what I mean? For the most part, all all ideologies within reason. And I don't mean to cut you off, but I had put up a video. Uh it was a while, like maybe like a year ago. It was this white lady and um she had black kids and I don't say any racial, I say black. Mhm. Um she had black kids and she was basically saying like I understand that I'm white, you know. So I understand that I have I need to teach my daughter to be this way, you know. I need to teach my daughter to be aware. I keep my daughter busy. I have earned extracurriculars, but I also understand that my daughter is going to live a different life than I live, right? I had doors open up for me because of what I look like. I understand my daughter may live a different life, right? So, you know, it's my job to teach her or what she say to kind of just understand what she looks like and let her know like, "Hey baby, I know you look different. The world may treat you different, you know, so I do my best or my resources to teach her that." Does that make sense?

1:17:46 And I had a kid I went to college with and he was basically saying he doesn't believe in that. Like, he's black. um his wife is black, his kids are black, and he doesn't teach his kids that. He doesn't believe in being black is a badge on is is a target on your back. And I was like, "Wow, really?" And you know, as I'm getting older, I understand that we cuz we spoke about this that victim mindset, right? But nah, we do. And he was saying like, you know, like I have land and he's doing well. And I'm like, yo, that is awesome. You know what I mean? Like he has land, him and his wife is doing well. He doesn't teach your kids, hey, listen, you're going to be held back because of your color. And I do agree with that. I do agree with that. But going off what you're saying, bro, at the end of the day, I'm never not going to believe this world isn't racist. You know what I'm saying? And I understand that, you know, what we've endured in the generation so on so forth, but we just had a display of that, right? Which I know we getting into, but we just had a display of that, bro. I grew up being called [bleep] all the time. You know what I'm saying? I feel like as a black man, I still got to watch how I'm saying what what I'm saying. I say the word [bleep] which for nuances, [bleep] and [bleep] are two different things. We made that word. Yeah. That word is for us to use. Yeah. You take you take back to reclaim.

1:18:57 Exactly. That word is of a letter of endearment. We made that word. Right. And it's so funny. The minute we say that word, now we all of our accolades are taken away. Right. We no longer speak well. We're thugs. We, you know, we we we have a horrible moral compass. We have no inhibition. We have um no we're not industrial all of that thing off of one word that we made right so yeah bro I got to teach my kids that because it's the truth it is the truth man I gota my kids are black the world is going to look at you different now you're not a victim don't take that and believe that you are not no you're no good because of your color right I don't necessarily believe that I believe you can go out and be whatever you want to be but I also believe you do need to walk different you do need to be more aware because you will be made an example of I will never not believe that because I was walking down the being called [bleep] I did that. I've been in them situations. We used to have racial walls. We used to fight because of that. Because of what we look like. It's crazy. And it's so funny until you've been in that. You don't know what that [bleep] is like. I've been told, "Wow, you talk very well." I've been told that. So, it's like, yeah, I believe you got to raise your kids a certain way. Hell yeah. And my kids are also lighter, so then they got to deal with that. They going to have to deal with that. I don't know what that's like. Yeah. like uh by like being biracial. I remember hearing Charlmagne say that he didn't understand how like like bracial crisis or say it was something yo cuz it's colorism bro and it's and I think even with women right and I'm not a female but but I like I feel like if you're a darkkinned person I am black when you're a darkkinned person people look at you funny right but when you're lighter you they say you have this privilege right look at the TVs and we that's another thing we we got into I was talking to my friend which I respect his mindset I don't agree with all of it But I understand it. Um, but I think colorism is very real if you look lighter. Right,

1:20:48 bro? Dress wasn't cool 20 years ago. Big lips wasn't cool 20 years ago. Being dark wasn't cool like 20 years ago. Now everybody want to be that. You know what I'm saying? But I think that's various colorism. They think because you're lighter skinned, right? You you you have privilege to that. That's a fact. Some some places you aren't black enough. Some places you you too white. You know, you got to deal with that. I don't know what that's like. Every room I've been in, I was black. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. You know, I I can never pinize somebody's experience just because I haven't lived it. Like, I can definitely look at somebody who's biracial and understand that that that to some extent they've dealt with some sort of discrimination, you know what I mean, from from their own from from white or black people. You know what I'm saying? So, yeah. I just I don't know. That just rubbed me the wrong way. He was talking about Logic when he said it. You know what I mean? Cuz Logic was making songs about that and [bleep] like that. See, and I don't know what that's like because he's very white passing, right? And our culture, we're a lot of things, but we're also very judgmental. Let's be honest, right? So, I can only imagine what people thought of him because the thing is when you're white passing like that, yo, I was just having a conversation at the gym, bro. When you're when you're black, you have to act. We told you we have to act and be a certain way, right? If your struggle doesn't match my struggle, then you're not black enough.

1:22:12 Yeah. You see what I'm saying? So, hey, you're BradQuan. I'm Jordan. Let's say BradQuan lives in downtown Albany, but Jordan is from Ldenville. Yeah. BradQuan may live in a I'm just, hey, I'm just Yeah. Yeah. You know, let me switch this around, right? Jordan lives in Omni, right? BradQuan lives in Lowderville. Jordan's family, Jordan has two siblings, right? Um, let's just let's just say stereotypical. I have one parent. I live in this two-bedroom apartment where BradQuan may have two parents and he lives in Ladderville. He goes to a great school. BradQuan has two siblings and there's a fourbedroom house up to I can't relate to you. You can't relate to me, right? So, I don't think you're black enough for me cuz now you're getting a better education. You have a better experience. You have an ideal image of love. You see what I'm saying? You see what I'm saying? So now my experience, our experience are not similar. So now you're not black enough because our experience don't match. But in all reality, for the most part, you get pulled over and I get pulled. It's the same thing. And that was my experience.

1:23:18 [bleep] I'm from downtown the south side of Johnson City. I ain't saying it's shy rack, but I come from a single family, a single mom in the hood. I used to I live on the south side. I'd be looking at [bleep] on the south north side. Oh, y'all rich. You ain't black like me, [bleep] You ain't struggling like me. You know what I'm saying? But yo, that [bleep] you got to change as you get older because not really. It's not necessarily your fault you're in that situation. Sometimes it happens. But that's how we I was talking about that in the gym and my boy I was talking to he goes, "Nah, you know, it's how you talk." I'm like, "Yo, but that's the problem. That's one of it." But it's everything though. That's like freshman to bal. Who do we all laugh at in that show? Carlton. Why? Because he, you know, he acts white. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. But you know what? Why do we like Will? Because he was cool. Will was [bleep] too, if you really think about it. And textbook, Will wasn't tough, but Will had the black experience, right? In Philly, excuse me, in an urban environment. Well, let me take the PL. He was non-confrontational, right? But he was in an urban environment, single parent, no father, and around trouble where Carlton's father bust his ass to give him that.

1:24:24 But again, because we couldn't relate to Carlton, we laughed at him. Now, Carlton definitely did some silly [bleep] Carlton thought he was superior. Carlton definitely was um arrogant little [bleep] He So the attributes were different. But if you can't if your experience ain't like mine, now I'm mad at you. You see what I'm saying? And that security is what we got to teach. And it's tough. You feel me? It is tough, man. It is. We do it to our own people, bro. And now because you light-kinned cuz I I knew people who were light-skinned and thought they were better. I knew that [bleep] I was in college. Somebody said that [bleep] to me. I said, "Huh, I don't really like that. I don't really like that." Cuz everything come from us. Jazz come from us. Country come from us. Rock and roll come from us. We are innovators, [bleep] Half this country was, excuse me, this country was built off us. Everybody want to be black. They want the lips. They want the the fillers. All that until it's time to be black. The way you dress, you come from us. The style come from us. Everybody love rap music. Don't get You know what I'm saying? But everybody want to be black until it's time to be black. So I'm very rooted in that [bleep] I come from it. I love it. I don't I don't regret nothing.

1:25:36 And my ideologies come from it. My morals come from it. So go, man, I believe. Do I got to raise my kids differently? Hell yeah. Awareness. Looking wells. Sad. And to be honest, we really don't know what happened. Those boys could quote unquote be innocent. But some ain't right. Yeah. Some ain't right. Something ain't right. Some just don't sit well where there's four people and only going missing is a black kid. [bleep] this ain't no scary movie. Some ain't right. Yeah, forensics. We go through forensics, [bleep] We go through forensics. We looked at the whole trajectory of the don't nobody know nothing and you bring back my son phone, [bleep] blood would be spilled. You bring back my child phone. N man. And that's my only child. What? Y'all don't know nothing. Nothing. Nobody knows nothing. That's crazy. That's crazy. And then again, we got a situation right now. We got a few kids online. Yeah. Yellow [bleep] And it's so tough because they're not in school, right?

1:26:39 They're doing it in their leisure and in recreation time, right? But that's crazy. That's crazy. And it's so funny. I was talking to my boy Desan about this. I swear to God. I swear to God when I was growing up if I did silly [bleep] outside of school I swear to God I pay for it in school. It could be me but man that's funny. What what are the repercussions? Yeah right. Absolutely. Absolutely. It's crazy. And people don't believe why we so angry and we got to endure that. But god forbid I say [bleep] out loud I got to I got to get told to relax. I got to get told to sit down. You know what I'm saying? On my platform on this. Come on, bro. That's crazy. That [bleep] is [bleep] nuts, man. Yeah, man. And if I'm not mistaken, that colony situation, the people that were protesting, the kids kids were protesting, right? Yeah. And they got Yo, I was going to go. The only reason, yo, the only reason I did not go cuz it's bigger than me, but I had my kids with me and my kids are four, three, and 11 months old. So, I don't really feel like policing them there. Don't get me wrong, selfishly I didn't want to do that, but I believe in the purpose for sure. But I'm like, h damn, I really just don't want to hold my daughter, get over here. You know what I'm saying? And I had like friends, family there, you know what I mean, that I could have, but their daughters were there. So, I was like, I don't want to go there and make my my, you know what I mean, a priority for y'all. But yeah, bro, it's crazy.

1:28:07 It's crazy. But it goes to show, man. That shit's been going on forever. Them boys will always be protected. Now, don't get me wrong, 10 minutes is going to be with them forever, but yeah. Yeah. I mean like this. I hear they not doing nothing. It's crazy. And people don't believe that [bleep] still exists. Yeah. Come on, man. Just don't want to they don't want to look. Sometimes you just you sometimes when you when you don't like something, you just I don't want to look at it, man. I mean, but let some little white boy be in a some type of prestigious establishment and say they feel worried because Jordan's going to harm me. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I guarantee you everything will be done. Hey, I feel like Jordan's going to harm me. I didn't call him no names. You have no evidence. You have no proof. But hey, I feel like he's going to harm me. What we going to do about that? You know what I'm saying? It's crazy, bro. Crazy. So, my kids absolutely sad. I think so. You know, that's why my fiance and I, we don't want to send our kids to to I want my kids to go to to be in a public school and to be in a diverse school. You know what I'm saying? For [bleep] like that. A diverse school. And I thought Colony was I mean, racing and everything, but I thought Colony was one of the better ones. You know what I'm saying? I thought they were one of the [bleep] better ones. That's nuts. That is nuts.

1:29:25 Nuts. And it's so crazy because when I grew up in Johnson City, I grew up around a bunch of people that look like me. You know what I'm saying? Now again, inside of our own culture, we got our own issues. You know what I mean? But in my school, people look like us. It was a lot of black people. I felt right at home. Right at home. That's the problem. I felt too at home. That is the [bleep] That was the [bleep] problem. I felt right at home. You know what I'm saying? That wasn't until I went to Shen. I was like, "Oh, wow. This is I did not feel at home." You know what I mean? [bleep] different. Yeah. Yeah, it is. [bleep] man. Let me ask you, I know it's still early. Yeah. But what part of your child's individuality is hardest for you to make room for? Damn, that's a good one. What part of my child's individuality? I kind of want to say none. Damn, that's a really good question, bro. God, you [bleep] me up with that one. Ask me that again in a different way. Damn. Cuz I kind of want to say none, man. Like I love and appreciate all aspects of him, I guess. You mean all of them, correct?

1:30:43 Yeah. I mean, yeah. And it's like the way I see it is like, okay, with me and my with me and my mother, right? Yeah. It was my it was my mouth that she had a problem with. You know what I mean? That's what that was my sense of individuality. That's really what helped me stand out. I wasn't afraid to speak up in certain situations and whatnot. And that rubbed her the wrong way, but I'm like, where do you think I get it from? You know what I'm saying? It's that type of thing. Yeah. I would say for me, cuz my son is so poor. That's what I'm saying. I know it's still so early. My daughter is me. She be giving it back to me. my daughter can care less. So, I would say, yo, cuz my son, other than outside of being four, my kids are really good kids, you know what I mean? They're just rambunctious, right? They should be. Um, but they both got little mouths on them, my my daughter. So, I would say I would say, yeah, they they they their little their little they little mouth. They little get back. Um, as far as right now, you know.

1:31:47 Fair enough. That's funny. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Um, what support would make it easier for you to be the father you truly want to be? You know what, man? As contradicting as this is, yo, I really enjoy what my fiance and I are, man. We It's so organic and it's so natural for us. I will say I would appreciate it if her and I had a little bit more time with each other. You know what I mean? How long were you guys? Oh, you mean like more time together now? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. You know, because you know what? I truly don't feel like I don't have enough time to be the father I want to be, right? my fiance, she she helps me in every single way, you know, and and while still allowing me to have my indiv indiv individuality like right now, like she's not like, "Where are you? I need you." Cuz that [bleep] plays a toll. You know what I'm saying?

1:32:49 So, I can honestly say I I have the space, but I would enjoy if my kids were around, you know, trusted and loving family members a little bit more so her and I can have a little bit more time with each other. I say because it's tough. I mean, it's the little things you give up, right? When you have that, right? You kind of can't have it all, right? We're we're fortunate enough to be with our kids for the most part, you know? When you say wanting to When you say wanting to spend more time together, like once you get to a point where like I mean, you're Does your son spend a night at people's houses now? Hell no. Yeah. I'm saying like when that happens Yeah. What's the vetting process? I mean, like, how do you go about that? Because like, you want to be able to give your kids that freedom, I'd imagine. But I remember even being younger and asking my mom if I could spend a night and sometimes she would just be like, "No, no." I'm like, "Damn, why?" Like that's my [bleep] cousin. You know the family. You know what I'm saying? I can see if it's somebody you don't know, but the [bleep] But yeah, you know, damn why.

1:33:53 You know, and I remember my my my uncle had to like talk to her like, "Yo, he's a good kid. Just let him." You know what I mean? But you know what I will say? And sometimes it depends on maybe she knew things you didn't. You know what I'm saying? Maybe she knew. Very good point. But you see, maybe she knew things you didn't. Maybe that may have been your cousin, but maybe there was something going on with the aunt that you didn't know. Maybe the aunt or the uncle had people coming over cuz there's a lot that go I'm tell right now my kid ain't sleeping over nowhere. I know that [bleep] you know. So, so there's a lot of facts like maybe I mean there could be cuz she was just didn't want to. But those are aspects too. So I guess for me for me I like people to come to our house. Come to us if you can. You know what I mean? Come to us um and stay there. I mean there's a select few where we can we can take them. But as much [bleep] as we talk [bleep] I don't hate people. I don't think we even comfort comfortable with that. You know what I'm saying? Cuz yo, bro, I watch a lot of criminal minds. People are good at disguising themselves. Yeah, humans are and they're very good at disguising themselves.

1:34:58 You know what I'm saying? And you think you know someone and I know like I said there's a select few but I guess the point where if you can come to us and you know hold them down while we go you know what I mean or things like that but also it's a sacrifice you make too right it won't be like this forever but it's also the sacrifice you make you know that's a fact. I always I always wonder I always wonder about that. Like at what age do you what at what age does a parent feel comfortable allowing their children to like you know stay at other people's and what does it take for you to trust that other parent? No, it's subjective. Well, I think you really got to know cuz there's so many like for example yes our kids may know each other but do I know I've seen that a lot of times when kids are subjective to unnecessary stuff it's from the siblings or it's from the kids. What's that kid doing? What's that kid into? Does that kid have a smartphone? Does that kid What? No one thinks about that. What's that kid watching? Was that kid doing this? The the kid's relative. It's so yo, it's so easy. And I've never been molested or anything like that. Full transparency, so I don't know what it's like, but it's so easy for that for my son to go to somebody's house, right?

1:36:14 And then that same day, that same night, their friend comes over or the mother's uncle comes over or they're just coming over for a little bit and they come in the room at night and my son is seven, eight, nine years old. Daughter don't know what to do. I don't play this [bleep] bro. I will go to jail. I swear I mean that every fiber in my heart. You know what I'm saying? So, it's like it takes something like that. You never know. You know how innocent and and and and uh unprepared that they are. You know what I'm saying? They don't know. And it takes like that. So, you may know them so well, but it's just that again, you don't know. Say you know the parent, but you don't know what they're going through. You don't know who you never know, bro. And I'm not willing to take that risk, [bleep] My son went to school back home. For the first week, I was at that school all different times. Y'all [bleep] going to feel me. Swear to I'm not joking. You got to make my presence. The first week, Monday, I just started smiling in there. I want to say last week. Swear to God. Oh wow. Monday. And I'm not in that that couldn't do nothing. But that Monday through Friday, I went there every day.

1:37:16 Monday, I went there like 10. Tuesday I went there at 12. Wednesday I went there at 9ine. Thursday I went there at 1:30. F [bleep] Yeah. To the point where the teacher was like, "Yo, are you all right?" "Yeah, [bleep] I'm all right. This is my flesh and my blood." And not for nothing, nobody cares. I'm with him all day. I've been with this little boy since he was 4 months old. I'm his father. I want to see. Yo, when I would talk to him, you know, I would ask him, "How you feeling? How do you feel?" You know what I'm saying? Are you all right? All right, daddy. No, I just want to check on you. You know what I mean? I was every day for a week. I just stopped doing that [bleep] Feel like they've been in school forever. I just stopped doing it like four weeks ago. I every day and I made time for it, too. I made time. Y'all [bleep] gonna feel me. I respect that. Don't give a [bleep] who don't like nothing. I respect that. And I feel like I feel like as somebody who's a mo like as a teacher, you're a molder of children and Yes. That's why like yo, she kind of like body language is everything and I can sense subtle cues. She got annoyed. And in my mind, that's crazy because you're an educator. You know what I'm saying? Like, and I get it. Like, I try to be very aware of all situations, but I'm his father. This is hard for me. You know what I'm saying? Now, granted, we are very we're very fortunate. Our son is very self-sufficient. You know what I mean?

1:38:28 Didn't cry, didn't whatever. He loves it. He's a natural-b born leader. But again, you got to understand this is very hard for me. But maybe it's Hey, maybe it's because I'm a man and you expect less. I wonder if she has kids. She she I believe she does. Yeah. Hm. But maybe. But you also forget that path, right? That shit's very hard. That was very hard for me. I'm pretty sure it was hard. Excuse me. But that shit's very hard for me. And plus, you know what? Because your pops left. Yeah. No one cares. Like, well, she don't know that. But yo, she don't know that. Yeah. Very That's very hard for me. Yo, I was with him since he was 4 months old every day. And you value being in his life? Yes. So, it's like now I'm giving you my child. He don't even need to be here. Let's Let's not get that twisted. It's prek. PreK. He don't need to be here. My son is very astute. Yeah, kids don't have, you know what I'm saying? He don't need to be here. So again, bro, I want him to see his foot. I can show him everything. What he ate, what he watched. So now I'm I'm allowing him to come here. You know what I'm saying? So I'm coming to check on him like like you I kind of want a little bit more empathy. You know what I mean? A little bit more compassion, but it's all right. You know, I didn't really take I did take that a little personal actually, but I'm like I I kind of understand. No, this [bleep] classroom. I don't mean to disrupt, but like this is also my flesh and my blood. Should there not be like I feel like would it I feel like it'd be a good idea for there to be a group where you know parents who are sending their kids away to school for the first time can go to really you know voice their their opinions and concerns and just their thoughts a legitimate support group.

1:39:58 You know what I'm saying? Like [bleep] like that is important. It's important to have to have that to even like have like the teachers be involved in that [bleep] too, you know? I feel like [bleep] like that is important. It's almost like a uh I mean I've never been to a PTA meeting or anything like I don't I don't I don't know, but I just feel like a support group where the teachers can understand that that perspective. You know what I'm saying? where the where the parents and the teachers can really develop that bond cuz I mean early on this is like this is like a first step. You know what I'm saying? It's very and I think of everything like what if you know cuz again I watch a lot what if they coordinate you know someone to come pick my kid up and I think of all of that. I had friends tell me I was paranoid. I'm like [bleep] you. But the thing about it is like they do that [bleep] If you can think about it it's either happened is happening or will happen. Oh yo, Albany is had a I think you had like a big case for checking because there's a trail that goes right up to Buffalo. Very real. You Albany? Yes, bro. Look it up.

1:41:00 Yes. Very real. There's like there's like a um and I don't know too much about it, so I don't want to miss I don't want to give too much inaccurate information, but there's like a trail out here that goes right up to Buffalo, bro. It's a very [bleep] big deal. That's insane. Very big deal. Yo, and I really if I wasn't going to be on my [bleep] and not post my son anything, but that [bleep] is very real, bro. And I'm very paranoid, [bleep] I'm I don't want nothing happening to my kids. And people do that. I I was at my friend's house one time, older couple, and they were saying when their when their kids were going to school and they were going to um field trips, the bus would stop, make stops and not sell kids, but they would stop at like convenience stores and [bleep] You're not supposed to do that. Yeah. You're not supposed to do that. Yeah. I'm tell yo, people are sick and we people were good at disguising ourselves. Think about it. the molestator the molest the molesters and all that they don't you know hey I'm a molester they don't do that you know what I'm saying so it's like you want to know something crazy bro I was just talking to uh I was doing an interview with my guy at the um at the recovery center he was telling me that uh he from uh he from the hood in Brooklyn from the projects of Brooklyn and he went to uh the boy scouts got molested by the [bleep] so clip this up I had put a video up on Instagram, right? I had put a video up on Instagram and this girl I follow, we follow each other. I was inquiring about personal training. She had an attorney. And she literally wrote me in all caps. It happens in schools, prestigious schools.

1:42:33 And we were talking about it. She said, "Never send your kids to camp." And it's so funny because again, I remember having this conversation with a boy of mine I grew up with. He has no kids. And we he was like, "Yo, you're too paranoid." I'm like, "Bro, it happens all the time." Yo, camps and all of that. You never yo, coaches, principles, all the high up people. You You would never expect it because these are well-known, renowned, respected individuals. They never do that, but it happens all the time, bro. It happens all the time. And again, when you teach a kid to stop talking and to be so obedient, they don't know how to talk to you. You know what I'm saying? That's why like, bro, no. Sorry. Like so now, and I hope my schedule don't change too much, but like if my kids have something going on, I'm there. If they need to be driven somewhere, we don't need a bus, we will take them there. You spend a night, absolutely not. I don't want nobody spend that in my house. You know what I'm saying? No, bro. Because that [bleep] is very real. And your boy just said that. Yo, so I appreciate him expressing that to you, but that [bleep] is very real, bro. You You would You bro, you don't know how much that goes on. And for kids, they're so innocent, bro. Yeah, bro. The way he told that [bleep] was crazy.

1:43:35 And it happens to men, too, a lot. That [bleep] is scary. Let me ask you, bro. Yeah, because I recently put up a video about uh I did research on uh the Catholic Church and how like 87% of the victims are boys and compared to 13 being girls. I bet. And do you think the the priests doing that, you think it's because of you think it's more so because of repressed homosexuality or because of My bad. Okay. or repressive homosexuality or accessibility. And I say this, they have the access to do that. They have the access to do it. And I say this because here's what I learned and this [bleep] rocked me. Molestation and pedophilia aren't exact with homosexuality. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I think that shit's a sickness. So I I guess cuz I do believe a lot of people who are extremely homophobic sometime you gay. I think so. You know what I'm saying? And now again, I'm when it comes to little like for example, the other day my son wanted to put on my daughter's like princess Halloween. I said, "Bro, no." Hey yo, and that's me. We had the conversation.

1:44:41 I know, bro. And I'm going to die in a hell. Nope. Not doing it. So sorry. So sorry. Not yo, and I'm pretty open to a lot boy. No. And I know you young. You don't get it, but nah, we not doing that. Nope. Hell no. No. No. No. But you know what though? I do believe as far as if we're talking about adults, and I'm talking 16 and up, when we're talking adults and you're, oh, that you're that homophobic, I think you a little gay cuz people are people. I think people are people. And when you start like, I don't want to be around I people can do what they want to leave the kids alone. But as far as that touching kids [bleep] bro, I think that's a sickness. And I think um cuz I never thought of it like that. So, it may not be a homosexual thing, but I think that is a sickness. Some people, and it's so sad, bro. And I say that because as much time as I'm with my kids, it only takes a second. You know what I'm saying? And again, it be the priests, the principles. Like, bro, telling I think that shit's a sickness. Yeah. Like, pedophilia is 100% a disease. I don't know anybody that would choose to be attracted to children.

1:45:47 It's crazy. And a lot of time I remember seeing this video and he was saying like, "Yo, I I know it's sad. Yo, I've seen so many one video he was like, "Yo, just make sure you communicate with your kids and you watch your kids." He said, "Yo, because I do this for a living." And this [bleep] said, "I promise you." He said, "I promise you." Twice. I've been in room with him conversation. You don't want to be the, you know, in another video, this guy was like, "Yo, pedophiles, they're in your face. Yo, I can be one. You can be there. We're they're good at hiding it." You know what I'm saying? And the thing is, he goes, what did he say? He goes, "And also with the scariest part, where are ped pedophiles also found?" Always found around kids. Yeah. the teachers, the doctors, the pastors, all you don't even cuz think about it. When you look for girls, where are you? You're around girls. Yeah. You're not just sitting around waiting for girls to fall for you. You You're around the girls. You're in the clubs. You're the same [bleep] You won't even know, bro. You won't even know. You won't even know. And again, I've never been in that situation. Thank God. Thank You know what I'm saying? But bro, like you would never know, bro. You would never know because we're humans. We hide it so well. You know what I'm saying?

1:46:51 And it was it was so hard for me cuz when he said like, "Yo, like just cuz you're a molester doesn't mean you're a pedophile." Who said that? My friend My friend uh my friend Ray Sean said that. And he has a point. Yeah. Because it took me a while to wrap my mind around it, but like there are people who are just opportunists. Okay. You know what I'm saying? So I mean you're not a pedophile if they're older, I guess, but you're still taking advantage of somebody. That's fact. Yeah. But it's like because you it and it sounds crazy and it's something that is definitely worth looking into more, but it's like if somebody like touches a child, they may not necessarily have an attraction to children. Yeah. It's just you want something and it's there so you take it. I can't. That [bleep] is crazy. Yeah, it is. Either way is crazy. Yeah. I've never even heard it like that yet. But yeah, bro, there's these studies are out and it's and it's insane. And when that's why when he said it, I'm like, you think that you think these you think because these boys are just accessible to these [bleep] priests? They're like the boys are going to be more accessible than the girls to the priests. And these guys just want to get this [bleep] off. So yeah, it that [bleep] is nuts. Yeah, bro. You know what I'm saying?

1:48:03 That [bleep] is so yo bro, I'm a lot of things. I know I'm strict. I'm eccentric. I'm stern. But I really You would have thought I would I've been a victim. That's how strong and passionate I am about that. You know what I'm saying? Like that [bleep] to me is so sad. And I I want to say this, right? I think about that for my son. You know what I'm saying? Because again, it's always cuz obviously in in this situation, we're more empathetic for the daughter. I think about that for my son, bro. He's so young. Like him getting kid, that [bleep] scares the [bleep] out of me. Him being so scared alone. That [bleep] breaks my heart. I have I am haunted by that. I have I have like this forboding feeling and premonitions about that probably like once a week. That [bleep] scares me to my soul. Something happening to my kids. You know what I'm saying? Because and just not being in control. That [bleep] sc and that's a lot of reason why I'm like that. Like I always want to be around. That [bleep] scares me. You know what I'm saying? [bleep] [bleep] me up, bro. Scary. And that's I mean when you have kids, you don't know fear, bro. Because we're old. That's hilarious. We know fear. You know what I'm saying? They don't know, bro. Like they have no idea. You know what I mean? Boy, that's scary. Let me ask you this.

1:49:12 And this is this is this is controversial. So if this is something that makes you uncomfortable, I completely understand. Yeah. So people who are people who are pedophiles, right, a lot of the times we know hurt people hurt people. Yeah. Right. And you know people who are perpetrators often times were victims. Yeah. Right. And you may have people, do you believe because there are some people that may want that may understand that they have this attraction and that legitimately want help for it. Right. Do you believe that society has a responsibility to make that conversation something that's acceptable to possibly help to to potentially help save kids down the line, right? Like what do you think about that? Like if somebody you knew and respected came to you and said, "Yo, I have this attraction." Have they done it before to kids? No. No. No. No.

1:50:16 Okay. So if they're seeking for help, I I someone I knew or so uh I see what you're doing. So somebody I've already known, loved, and respected, and trusted. I would hope they get that help. I would hope they get that help. But even even so, okay, so that situation Yeah. Cuz there's a relationship. Yeah. Let's say let's say Yeah. Say it's a stranger. It's a support group. I I hope. Yeah. I think so. Cuz I say when I was You ever seen the Jeffrey D [bleep] on Netflix? Oh yeah. I think and so I say yes. I think he should get that before he starts [bleep] up because once you start [bleep] up, [bleep] you're gone. I think you seen this [bleep] on Netflix, right? Remember when he was trying to talk to his father when they were outside and his father was more concerned with his sexuality than trying to listen to him. I think and this is just me and this is the the the psychologist in me. I think if he cuz if he had somebody who listened to him, it probably could have saved a lot of people's lives. That's what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying? Mhm. And and I say this because if you look at and I'm just going off of that perspective, I don't believe he was racist and I don't believe he targeted black people.

1:51:21 Exactly, my [bleep] Exactly. Right. I think he was broke. That's what he could afford. You know what I mean? Because you I think he was broke and he lived in inner city. Yes. Yes. I think he was sick. Yeah. And I think about and I think by the time the [bleep] was living in Milwaukee, it was too late. I will say that. But if we go way back, his first victim was a hitchhiker. But his mother, we weren't really well verssed on postpartum. His mother took many prescription while she was carrying one. Two, she left. Three, his father left. He was home for the summer. So he had his first victim, which I definitely think he needs to pay for. But there's a scene where he was trying to talk to his father. His father was more concerned with his sexuality than listening to him. And I think that was a problem. I think if they truly loved him and listen to him, cuz you remember his father was remember at the end he said he had these thoughts too. He had vindictive thoughts about hurting people. You know what I'm saying? Mhm. So, I think if he had seen that love and list, the trajectory may have changed because that black dude that he was with, he truly I think he truly loved him. And when he came back the second time, it was over cuz sometimes there are impulses. But at that point, [bleep] you were sick. You were really sick. And it's so funny that [bleep] was in the military. Remember that? He got them drugs, them psychedelics in the military. Remember that? Mhm. Yeah. Mhm.

1:52:30 Hell yeah. And it's like, yo, like you got to open the you got to open the door for these difficult conversations to be had cuz you got people that'll you got to think there are therapists that'll judge you for certain [bleep] You know what I'm saying? And I think and I think about that type of thing. And I'm like, what the [bleep] Like if you if you don't open the door for that [bleep] you're just you're just asking for the perpetuation of the trauma. Yeah. And here's my here's my second question about redemption cuz I wrote a paper about this like just for fun. Um and uh it was like about redemption. Do you believe everybody is redeemable? Oh, I don't know. Let's say somebody does touch a kid. Mine and Okay, let's obviously that's different. Yeah, I that's hard. Um, let's say somebody touches a child. Is that person redeemable?

1:53:37 Just think about it. There's ability and there's willingness. I know. You know what I'm saying? When he touched the child, I'm just going to ask a bunch of questions. They were alone with the child. Sure. Yeah. Oh, that's tough, man. Ah, is he trying to get help or is he doing it over and over and over? This is the It only happened one time. Let's say Yeah. It only happened It only happened one time. The person's The person's The person's, you know, in prison. The person's coming back into society. The person wants to rehabilitate. See, that's tough cuz I don't believe one thing defines you. Like, if I cut hair once, I ain't a barber. Yes. Yes. But that's tough, man. That's what I'm saying. I don't know. See, I I think you deserve everything that comes with it. I think you deserve the the tough parole. I think you deserve the micromanaging. I think you deserve the check-ins, the online stuff. You know what I'm saying? That's tough. You know what I mean? That's tough. I don't have an answer for that. That's tough. Like, for example, and this is say you killed my kid cuz you're a drunk driver. I hate you forever. Yeah, I understand.

1:54:39 You know what I'm saying? And yes, it's personal. And if you just so happen to come up missing, I think I would feel better. You know what I'm saying? And I know that's a hard pill to swallow, but I believe redemption is for for most, man. Like I I do that one. I got to really think on that. You know what I mean? Cuz that's tough. That's tough. I feel like something like that comes with time, too. It does. Time does heal all because I spoke with the guy that because the guy that told me that he got molested by the camp by the camp counselor, uh he he forgave the guy for himself. Absolutely. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? That was on his accord. He did that. Gotcha. Mhm. And it's like I always wonder because the way I see it, I think we had this conversation like live spelled backwards is evil, right? And the only way you can truly live is when you understand that we are all capable of evil. Doesn't mean we'll all act upon it, but it's really not us versus them. It's really just us. Everybody is capable of monstrosity.

1:55:47 Absolutely. You know what I There's not in in terms of raw humanity in terms of in terms of commonality parallels. There's only one action or one thought that leads to the action that really separates us from somebody that touches children, somebody that you know what I'm saying? And it's like when you really think about it, it's like we're really all we truly are all human. If you sit down with this person that you believe you have nothing in common with, if you have the patience, you can find commonality. Yeah. You may just be able to find enough to the point where you don't even think about that [bleep] But I do think there are some people who can't be helped. Like there are you do get to a point. Yeah. Like there's never a point where like I've looked at my son and was like, man, I want to do such and such to him or any little child. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

1:56:43 So, I think there is a there is a point like my intrusive thoughts go as far as man I want to pop his low ass right now in the mouth. You know what I mean? But I think there are a point in time where there are some people who are so sick like they want to kill or something like that. You know what I'm saying? Or they really they want to do horrible like for like like a uh Ted Bundy. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like I think there's some people that just can't be helped. And there's a thing where it's like I think and the better way for me to frame it is like do you believe everybody deserves a shot at redemption? Like when I say is everybody redeemable what is everybody deserve that opportunity? Yeah. Nah. Like that that that uh the clown [bleep] from Chicago. Uh John Gayy. No. Hell no. Yeah. Like if you an individual you think about like taking kids and chopping kids up and you like to see the bone. Hell no. Oh, you deserve to be dead. Like to that like cuz some is just wicked and evil and vile. You know what I'm saying? That's exactly how the judge described Ted Bundy. Yeah. Yeah. And he would you know what's so sad about Ted Ted Bundy? He was extremely smart. That's the sad thing.

1:57:45 You were bludging women and [bleep] That's crazy. Lying and [bleep] and they finally caught your ass. Yeah. You know how you remember how they caught him? They they caught him on a traffic stop, didn't they? Well, they that's how they caught on to him. Excuse me. They can never convict him. I'm sorry. Do you know how they finally convict him? Because of the bite thing, right? Dental records. Yeah. He kept getting away. Uhhuh. He was biting mama. Yeah. So they finally got him cuz this the technology came out. That's how they finally got his ass. Mhm. You know what I mean? Yeah. That shit's scary, bro. Yeah, man. And they didn't believe it because he didn't fit the profile. Yeah. And he was attractive, right? And sex. So he was he was smart. This [bleep] was selling everybody. Did his he did his own [bleep] argument. Scary. So I don't I'm sorry. I don't think every judge was impressed by this [bleep] Yeah. Yeah. You know, and I um it's just it's it's just it's like the way I see it. I will give you a shot at redemption until you prove like I trust until you prove that you don't deserve it. So, let me ask you this. Say you're looking for a roommate. Mhm.

1:58:50 You need a roommate. and you look up this person and he told you he's killed three people in the past and he thinks about it, but he hasn't killed in 10 years and he really needs a roommate. Would you let him live with you? Oh, change [bleep] Don't you like how you did that there? Change [bleep] You know what I'm saying? Change your [bleep] Yeah, [bleep] Get your ass out of here. He's He's killed three people. He's killed three people. Two people in the past. Two people in the past. He hasn't killed in seven years, but he really has been fighting the urge, but he's been doing good. He's going on his ninth year sober. killing soa but he still has those urges still thinks about it but he's been fighting it he's been talking to a therapist they've been doing good [bleep] you need more than the you need to be you see you seen the Daredevil you watch Daredevil I haven't I haven't uh it's been a while the [bleep] with Charlie Cox right it's been a while [bleep] with Bullseye uhuh so Bullseye was the fourth season he grew up I think [bleep] up but as soon as his therapist died snapped and he had a therapist for years.

1:59:53 See, here's the thing. Certain like and when Yeah. You killed three like you need to be in a psychiatric killed one person. Okay. Okay. All right. Okay. You see, that's different. You killed one person and he enjoyed it. And it wasn't like I killed because every I killed him because he was [bleep] with my mother. Not. He killed him just because he he like enjoyed it. Changes [bleep] don't it? You ain't living here. You are not living here. See, here's the thing. Like, sometimes I'll be so stressed out that like I'll get I'll have the like I'll smell alcohol or some [bleep] I'll have the urge to want to drink, but I'll think about it. I'm like, I'm not about to ruin my life for this [bleep] Yeah. Yeah. That's intrusive thoughts. And I guess somebody Mhm. If I say no, I'm a hypocrite because I do believe. But that's when the ideology start to conflict.

2:00:51 That's what I'm saying. You I mean, you know what? I would I would have to get to know the [bleep] Let me get to know you. You know what I'm saying? Let me let me get to know you because even if you even if you if you killed three [bleep] and you still fighting urge and you ain't did it in nine years, you ain't going to live with me. But I'll still talk to you. I mean, we can I'll visit you. You know what I'm saying? like we may even be able to develop a friendship. You know what I'm saying? You know, cuz you'd be surpris the way I've the way I've come to understand like enlightenment is like you have to open yourself up to people that you truly believe that you have nothing in common with in order to really expand your thinking. You have to stretch your consciousness in that way. You know what I'm saying? And you know, I mean, yeah, you might have did these horrible things, but it doesn't mean you still don't have incredible insight. It just means that you've just acted upon terrible judgment and as a result, you know what I mean? You're paying for it for the rest of your life. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah.

2:01:55 So, but yeah. Nah, I'm uh I'm going to have to Yeah. The the dude that killed one person, I'm going to have to get to know that mother. But nah, you you did that [bleep] three times. nine years, you still haven't heard. Not you can't live here. We could um Yeah, we could I I'll come visit you. You know what I mean? I'll interview you. You know what I mean? We might even develop a friendship. Yeah. But nah, [bleep] We ain't living together. In fact, you should not be friends for real. Yeah, bro. Scary. Now, for nothing, I know a guy I interviewed a guy um Ernest Henry. Brilliant man. He's a uh he's a c common councilman in Pikipsy. Yeah. Got convicted of seconddegree murder of his ex fiance. That was some heated moment [bleep] That's pretty common though. They say when that happens, your your spouse is is is the number one suspect. Why? She cheated. She didn't cheat. She aborted his child. O that's a little different. See the circumstances that's [bleep] angry. You know what I'm saying? That's different though. He called off the engagement. He found out in the heated the moment that she aborted the child.

2:03:07 See, but that you know, see, you know why that's different? Because that is what do they call that? Active. What do they call that? Uh pass act. And did he kill her right then and there? Oh yeah. See, so that yo that see that [bleep] can live with me? Cuz yo, it's different than a [bleep] who premeditated. I killed him cuz I wanted to see what this like that happened. Now again, see in a situation like that, yo, it's a crime of passion. I don't know what he felt about that. I don't know if he really wanted that child. Is she talking? Now again, that's where it's like I can try to see where he's coming from, but I'm more to listen to that story than a [bleep] who just wanted to do that [bleep] Just wanted to see what it would feel like. That's crazy cuz that [bleep] yo, you took something away from him. You know what I'm saying? You don't know people, you can't play with their feelings like that. I I I guarantee you more people would understand that situation than other situ What if he really look away? You didn't even ask him. But let me But the thing about it is see here's the thing and here's the thing that that women will argue like they'll be like it's not your decision.

2:04:17 See, that's where I draw the line. And I will say this. So I'm all for what? Pro-life, pro-choice, right? Mhm. Which is which again? Pro-life. No abortions. Pro-choice. you can have abortions. So, I'm all for pro-choice. A female can do what they want with their body. Period. But I will say this, that man has a decision as well to be in the life or not. That's my opinion, right? So, a female I don't I think they can do whatever they want. I'm all for pro-choice, right? Pro-choice. I think to tell a woman what they can't do, religion, I think that's absurd. I think a female has the right to make that decision. But I think if everything is copathetic, she should have that conversation with the person who helped make that life. You know what I'm saying? And he has a decision. Hey, we can do this together. Whether we're in it together or it can be ambiblical or hey, I don't want no part of it. That's his decision. But I feel like he needs to know that's messed up. You know what I'm saying? Cuz you didn't make that child on your own. We forget that that child didn't come into this world on her own. So, he deserves a chance. Yeah. It's crazy because I saw this film called Seven. It's an old woman with Morgan Freeman, Gwennneth Paltro, and Brad Pitt. And she was pregnant with Brad Pitt's baby, and she was thinking about getting it aborted. And she was talking to Morgan Freeman about it. And Brad Pitt's character didn't know at the time and he was like, "Listen, if you get an abortion, don't tell him." You know what I'm saying? And uh, you know, know she was pregnant.

2:05:36 Brad Pitt didn't know she was pregnant. No. I would rather that [bleep] with don't know don't hurt you. Yeah. That was a cuz when I told my mans about that [bleep] suddenly he was looking at it differently, too. You know what I'm saying? And I mean, the story is wild. I mean, you know, God bless him cuz he's he's he really is a good man. Yeah. He's changed his life. He is truly in service to to people, man. He's he's he is that [bleep] When I sat with him, I really felt like I was in the presence of royalty. You know what I'm saying? He's he's a good man. But the crime was that [bleep] was You went to jail for [bleep] That [bleep] went to prison for 22 years. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, man. See, and I wonder how her family felt. That's tough, man. That's tough. And it's like, is everybody like, could you forgive? You think you could forgive somebody? You think you could ever forgive somebody that took away a family member of yours? Even if you could understand it in that situation, you think you could ever like forgive that person? So, I'm going to tell you a story. Yeah. My mother just passed away March 14th. Yeah. Yeah. Rest in peace.

2:06:48 Thank you. And I just my mom passed away. She was going through a lot of a lot a lot of a lot of things healthwise. She passed away and I got a cousin I grew up with. He went to jail probably in like 0405. I was already gone. I was in bank. We had already left. Maybe he went 03. He didn't get out until 2023. 2020. Was it 2026? 2024. 2025 maybe. He like basically just got out. He went to live with my mother. He had brought a girlfriend there. My girlfriend, my mother was a lot of things. Her my mother and her were at all. They were arguing. My mother was 69, 70, bad heart. She felt so uncomfortable. She wound up in hospital, had a heart attack, right? Had a heart attack. So now I'm starting to get involved. [bleep] what's going on? Like Sean, it's my mom's, right? My mom's in the hospital. She goes to nursing home. She wants to go back home, but now she don't feel comfortable in her own home because now you're there. Who? She My mother let you come there to parole there. You brought your girlfriend there. Now I understand my mom may have allowed it, but now they're arguing. She's said some things to my mother that you can't reverse.

2:07:57 This is the lady who raised you. She had brought her daughter there. So now there she has her son there. So there's my mother, him, two there's five people living in a two-bedroom upstairs apartment. My mom gets back home. She feels and again my mother was a lot of things. But when your mother start expressing her hurt to you, you don't give a [bleep] So now my mother is expressing I'm on the phone with all these things and I feel so bad cuz I should I wish there something I could have done for her. But now my mother's expressing she don't feel comfortable her and the girls arguing. They're being very mean to her and not my mother was no victim at all but at the end of the day her house right my mother's expressing all these things she feel broing happy. I get a call March 14th Saturday 2:00 from him. Yo auntie's dead. I get there. I'm on his thing bro. I think he killed her indirectly. You know what I'm saying? And at first I don't lash out. I'm trying to think. I can see that he's looking for me to take take it off him emotionally. I don't say nothing. I just sit there and analyze. The cops are there. The corner is there. Confirmed death. I'm just sitting in the kitchen. And I just want to answer your question.

2:08:59 So the cop I'm on the phone with my aunt. She's on speaker. She's basically saying like, "Yo, they killed her." Cuz mind you, it's Saturday. They haven't spoken. He says he went in the room. She was there. My aunt her spoke every day. She said, "Yo, last time I spoke to her was Thursday night. This is Saturday morning." So my mother died all day Friday. Nobody checked on her. Now mind you, I got three kids. I'm no excuse for I couldn't be there. So I'm sitting there gathering information. The cop waits me. We go outside. He goes, "Jordan, this is not the first. This is a mechanic. It's not the first time we've been here. We've been here on multiple domestic abuse violence. You know, the mom, the daughter, da da. No, this no lie was a chaotic house. I felt for your mother." So, as time goes on, I get mad. So, now I'm start thinking, I'm going to start going there and taking [bleep] because now I'm getting mad. I'm not petty, but now I'm going to be. I go there. I take my mother's washer and dryer. Y'all [bleep] I can go to get it popping out the laundry mat. My mom had gave him the car keys. I was about to take the car keys cuz I'm next to Ken. I'm taking everything. I don't even need the car. But now, [bleep] y'all [bleep] can get it popping on the feet. Long story short, his girlfriend starts running her off on Facebook. And I want to I know it's long. I'm going to take a question.

2:10:03 No, go ahead. Go ahead. She starts running my off Facebook. I call him like, "Yo, put your girl on the phone." "Yo, why you doing that?" He jumps in. We all start arguing. Boom. Hits me. You on her side? This vindictive woman, you on your side. So all of this just happened and you That nigga's dead to me. I'll never forget that [bleep] [bleep] him. So to answer your question, nah, probably not. Cuz that nigga's dead to me. You know what I mean? And this is a little bit more personal. So can I forgive somebody? Depends on the circumstances. Am I saying he killed her? Nah. But [bleep] I'll never forget that [bleep] You can die and I wouldn't even bro I wouldn't even think I'll smile and at your funeral which I wouldn't even attend. You know what I'm saying? So would I forgive? It depends on the situation. You know what I'm saying? But in this situation I would never forget that [bleep] It's up every single time. We at odds for life. Always. Always. I would never ever. And I think I I just I ask these questions, bro, because it's something that I struggle to forgive. Like I told you at the beginning of this conversation, I take [bleep] personally. It's just it's just something it's a part of me that I don't think I'll ever be able to I don't think I'll be able to change that.

2:11:16 Nah, bro. And I think that's all right. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like I think see, and this is my thing. I, you know, we all don't burn. We don't do nothing for each other. You know what I'm saying? Um, and just in that situation, if I think about that dynamic, I can never let that go. I can never let that go. My mother laid in the bed dead for a day and I just going to put it on me. You know what I'm saying? I should have been around. I should have called her that Thursday, that Friday. But a day, you call me on Saturday, you live with her, you what? Something don't sit real with me, [bleep] You done. You gone. Yo, we arguing all that. We about all [bleep] we about to take it all the way there. You know what I mean? So, I'll never forget that [bleep] I don't know that [bleep] no more. Nothing. We over family. Yeah. So, nah. Hell no. God damn. Yeah. Hell no. Fair enough. Because I say that to say cuz I asked him. I was like, "Do you think her family would do you?" I'm like, "Do you think about her family or whatever the case may be?" And he said they came to they come to mind from time to time. Yeah. I bet it's very traumatic.

2:12:21 Yeah. I can't help, you know, and it's like I can't help but to think about like cuz there are women that I disrespected and I'll think about like their family and [bleep] I'm like, "God damn." Yeah. Imagine if it was something. Of course. Yeah. And everybody's different. You know what I'm saying? And and I have a hard time forgiving myself for these. And we talking just words. Yeah, bro. And I'm just like, god damn. Like, do I think he actively Nah, but bro, I think you're complicit. I think I think I hope [bleep] Nah, bro. Something something ain't right. You know what I'm saying? And that's another reason why I feel so way about other than it being my kids. Like I feel like I almost allowed that that happened. Bro, my kids, I'm scared of what I would do. 100%. I would not let that [bleep] happen twice. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I And I'm ready for whatever comes with jail. You know what I'm saying? I will not let that happen twice. My mom passed away and I felt like I didn't really retaliate how I should have. You know what I'm saying? I will not let that happen twice. And again, I I'm willing to accept whatever comes with that. You know what I mean? And I say that wholeheartedly because at that point I'm letting my instincts take over. They ain't no more thinking. You know what I'm saying?

2:13:32 That goes for everybody in my house. My fiance, my kids. I'm willing to let my instincts take over and it is what it is. I deal with whatever. You know what I'm saying? I know she can hold it. It sounds sad like you don't want to, but I let that [bleep] happen once. I will not let that happen again. No. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It may sound silly. You know what I'm saying? But no, I get it, bro. I will not let that happen again. I feel awful. There's a lot of arguing. There's a lot of talking. No action, no nothing. That's crazy. That's crazy. That would not happen again. Not I'm going off and that's premeditated and it's on. You know what I'm saying? I'm willing to take the repercussion for that for real. I'm willing to take the repercussion for that. And I mean it. I don't know, man. You got to stand on Yeah. I mean that [bleep] I should have beat his ass. It's close. It was coming. It was coming. No. Yeah. Some Some ain't right. Some definitely, bro. Some ain't right. Some ain't right. Some ain't right. Some ain't right at all. That [bleep] just don't add up, man. You don't do that. You don't do no [bleep] like that. You know what I mean?

2:14:36 Let me ask you too, uh, just to just to finish off the questionnaire. Uh, you said you want your children to be able to talk with you in 20 years. What are you doing now to make that openness possible? That's a great question. Thank you. Learning, being patient. um not allowing my upbringing and the things that I thought was normal growing up take over that, right? Being patient, allowing my kids to have their feelings, you know, for the most part, allowing my kids to challenge. I couldn't challenge [bleep] you know what I mean? So, allowing my kids to challenge loving my kids, telling my kids I love them. I wasn't really told I love you that much. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Same. Man, I I was show I was showing love. I was showing love through actions. Yo, so loving my kids. So many [bleep] people. Yeah. Hugging my kids, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's real [bleep] Real [bleep] And it's like, yo, like I I hug my my little cousin so much, man. And it's And it's sad because it's probably to a point where I hug him too much. Yeah. No, no such thing. And that's what I think.

2:15:41 I can probably hug my kids more. But yeah, bro. I love Yo, tell them I love you. All of that [bleep] And that gets a great question, but doing just that cuz I wasn't told I love you that much. Yo, my mother and I, God rest, we weren't really saying I love you and [bleep] probably till I was like 28, 27, 28 type [bleep] off the phone. It was normal to us. And my I didn't get close to my dad until before he died. We got close the next time I saw him, he was dead. Hello. That [bleep] is crazy. And that's it. I was just talking about the gym. And now again, all of these things, you know, how hard it is to unlearn to actively unlearn those things. No one gets credit for that. I didn't see these things. I didn't actively see my mother in love. I didn't actively see a healthy my mother he yo my my father he would hit my mother. I would never put my hands on a woman. Mhm. I yo I've seen yo she would never talk about it but I seen it bro. Like he cheated on her. Yo he left when we in North Carolina for another woman came back. So I [bleep] up. I said like hepatitis. It was it wasn't I mean it wasn't HP. It was hepatitis. You know what I'm saying?

2:16:39 Yeah. The dude in the comments had said yo what you think? It was a really good really good civil discourse for Yeah, bro. Like never. He hit her all of that [bleep] You know what I'm saying? All of that. Crazy. She still took care of Absolutely. Loyalty. I've never seen loyalty like it. Little bit of stupidity, right? But I've never seen loyalty like it. So, just unlearning all of those things and actively doing that. So, I didn't grow up seeing that. But again, a lot of the thing I think is you're naturally quote unquote good or naturally quoteunquote bad. I can be out here hitting women, leaving people dead. That's just not who I am. Never been that way. Unwavering loyalty. That's a quality that you can that you can respect. Yeah. But it comes with a quality comes with a lot of being walking over. A lot of disrespect and they and people take that as a sign of weakness. Oh yeah. It's like loyalty is something that people will that's a hill people will die on. But unwavering is something but but what comes with it? the the the the stupidity, the lack of selfworth and [bleep] Absolutely. That you criticize. Yeah, bro.

2:17:42 But it's all under the umbrella of unwavering loyalty. So, it's like what do you value more? And it changed you. And I think we need to be loyal to the people who are loyal to us cuz ever since I remember he was cheating on my mother. And it's crazy that like I watched him. What do you think made her? I think it's all comes down to self value, self- loveve. when you I think now that I'm old my dope brain I think when you are so unsure of yourself and that comes with the insecurity and you know you don't love yourself you allows cuz I don't believe other people necessarily make you happy I think they add to your happiness yes yes so I believe that when you're in a situation and you don't have that foundation and someone comes in and they plant their seeds in you which is their life then the kids then they have so much influence on you. You don't know who you are. You know what I'm saying? You don't you don't have no identity. So, you think you need and need and need and love this person, which you probably do. There is, but that's what happens because of that foundation is not there, right? So, that person then becomes your foundation and you're building all of this stuff on becomes your identity. Yeah.

2:18:50 Hello. You know what I mean? So, I kind of think that's what it was cuz all of my mother was a white woman. All of her all the we all came from his side. So her whole life was kind of built around him. Oh wow. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Wow. Yep. [bleep] That puts a lot of things into perspective. Yeah, bro. Yeah. And that's why my mother had a lot of tough woman. I remember tough, stubborn, abrasive. I remember my my my mother and my father my father used to tell me he used to be like yo like son and I was a little [bleep] when he was hit and he's like son if it wasn't for you I wouldn't be here. Yeah. And I see my mother say bring up his dead wife and in arguments. I seen her she one day she told me I wish her father was dead. Yeah. Yeah. She [bleep] like she say just all types of crazy [bleep] up [bleep] And that the way my father would talk about her sometimes it just seemed like he would just it seemed like there was just just just just a hatred. And when I would see him and then when I saw him take care of her like that I'm like yeah. Again it's this unwavering loyalty. But then it comes with like this part of like self, you know, it's like selfworth. Yeah, man. You know what I mean?

2:20:03 But it's like I think they were together so long that she became his identity. You know what I'm saying? And I think that's what It's not uncommon. Mhm. And I think that's what kept him there. You know what I mean? It's it's so it's so interesting. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't know, man. That [bleep] is wild. And it's like, I love my mother to death. And I don't mean to say this in the way that that that that shits on her, but I don't know. I I wonder if she I don't know that she would have done the same for him. Probably not. You know, and she's entitled to that. You know, everybody's different. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't think he would have done the same for her. Damn. Yeah. Hell yeah. That [bleep] is that's a tough pill to swallow, man. That [bleep] is [bleep] crazy. N just to to to to think about that. Like somebody with that dead ass do that for you and for you to honestly say to yourself, "Yo, I don't think I would die." Yeah. I think it just comes down to who you are as a person, you know?

2:21:12 Yeah, bro. Wow. Yeah. But I think if you're truly a good person, I think you you can't even think about that reality. Yeah, bro. My mother was taking care of his family, me cuz he was really my uncle. So, she took care of me. Um, his daughters, my sisters, we all came from his side of the family. And my sisters got their own stories about him. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. She's really a good woman. She was. But if it's one thing I've learned about being a good person is that comes with a toll. Yeah. People walk all over you. You're not always gonna show it because the part of being good is standing up for yourself. Yeah. And that's why she was what she was. I didn't really realize that though till I got like 25 26 27. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. Godamn. Yeah, bro. That [bleep] is That [bleep] is real, bro. God bless your mother, man. Absolutely, man. Rest in peace, mother. Yeah. Yeah. She's real.

2:22:11 They don't they don't make them like that often, you know? They don't. Yeah. Same thing with with my pops. They don't, you know, you know, he my dad had a a lot of baggage. So much [bleep] that he did not he did not air out and eventually it killed him. Yeah. You know, same thing with my mother. You know, that [bleep] ain't no joke. No, it's not, brother. You know, no the [bleep] is not. I sit here and think I'm like I really like Yeah. I'm like, I really got to take better care of myself. Yeah. I I don't realize how much like how much [bleep] I still carry and how much like because I was telling you about like the stress eating and [bleep] like that and I'm like I think it's deeper than just the stress like I can't you know intrusive thoughts about just like past behaviors and [bleep] still eat at me. You know what I mean? And that adds to the stress and I'm just like god damn like you know and I can't think like like diabetes runs in my family. same, you know, high blood pressure, heart disease. I'm like, yo, like I got to like I can't keep doing this [bleep] [bleep] with me.

2:23:17 Yeah, I I think I need I need to make space. I need to figure out how the [bleep] I can make this [bleep] work. Come on, brother. [bleep] bro. Figure it out. Yeah. Yeah. I got I got to do it cuz bro, I've fluctuated so much, bro. I've been super fit. I've been fat. I've been chubby. I just been skinny. And it's just like I need happy medium. That's what I'm saying. I just need I need to feel good. Yeah, bro. [bleep] with me. Yeah. Word. For real. We'll figure it out. And I mean that [bleep] You a real one, bro. I try, man. I Bro, I'm I'm all on. Yo, and you know what happens, bro? I think life and experiences, man, turn you into that. You know what I mean? I've always had morals and always knew who I was. You know, I'm still the same cartoon, Dorito eating, cookie eating [bleep] man. You know what I'm saying? That's air bender. Yo, for real. But you know, I just think, man, like I' I've always been this way. And I just think as I as I get older and I go through my experiences, it it solidifies who you are. You know what I'm saying? If I [bleep] with you, I [bleep] with you. If I don't, you feel it.

2:24:25 You know what I mean? For real. And I love that. For real. For real. Yeah. Yeah. You know, that's a good dude, man. I gota uh I hope to be able to meet your families. Yeah. Yo. Yo, you know what's so funny? I keep saying as I'm getting older, I'm learning that's one of the the the biggest testimonies that somebody can do. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? For real. For real. You know, cuz there's people that I've said that I [bleep] up with when I didn't When you don't value yourself, it's impossible to value other people. You know what I'm saying? And I I'll there's, you know, I've I've done such things I I've I've crossed lines I can never come back from. Yeah. It's like at this point, man, when I sit down with people, man, it's it's this is so much it's so much deeper than just the podcast. It's that it's that connection. The ability to know that I can actually make friends. Yeah, bro. And you know who and you you start to realize that that title means a lot, man. Friendship, a relationship because everything is a privilege. Have you learned that from Desawn years ago, bro? Yo, a relationship is a privilege, bro.

2:25:30 Relationship is a privilege. It is a privilege to be Yo, the fact that I know where you live, you know what I'm saying? And you got that shit's real. You know what I'm saying? I that sit down and do this. It's a privilege. It is. It's a privilege. It is cuz I remember like I remember talking to [bleep] like wanting to like write pieces on them and [bleep] and they were like, "Yeah, you can come to my crib." And then the day came and they [bleep] got real flaky with I'm like, "God damn, [bleep] You want me to come to crib? Just why the [bleep] you say yes?" Yeah, bro. For real. You know, nah, this this [bleep] this this means the world to me, man. Yo, likewise. For real. Oh god. Yo, because I don't really share time, bro. You know what I'm saying? I got three kids and fiance and it's 10:00, so yeah, bro. That's like, bro, I mean that [bleep] For real. I feel like I've known you for years. Yo, I [bleep] I was just about to say that that ass. This was real, bro. Yeah, it was. I appreciate it, brother. Appreciate you, man. It's another [bleep] dope episode, but I think you gave me the title, too. Um, who you want to be and who you are.

2:26:33 Yeah, I think Yeah, I think that's the title right there. I do. Yeah. Hell yeah.