Who Are You Trying to Be Enough For?

0:05 Yo yo, this is BradQuan, host of the Weirdinary podcast and recently I was asked what my favorite restaurant is and without a doubt I said Son of Egg. Located at 483 Broadway in Renle, New York. Why Son of Egg? Because every time I step foot in this establishment, I instantly feel a celebration of community, creativity, intellectualism, and humanity. And I mean, it goes without saying, but I'm gonna say it anyway. The food is spectacular. Now, why is this spectacular, you ask? Well, my god. Because whenever I bite into it, I feel like I'm at home. Tappiness on a bay. 483 Broadway, New York. You want to eat? Eat with the best.

1:16 All right. All right. Yo yo. Welcome to another episode of Weirdinary. I'm your host BradQuan and today I have a very very special guest. He is the creator of Trufille, an emerging media platform based in upstate New York. He hosts candid conversations with artists, entrepreneurs, and community voices. He produces comedy skits, short form videos, and behind the scenes coverage. And this brother connects local talent, businesses, and audience through storytelling and collaboration. Ladies and gentlemen, Jeremy Espinosa. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. What's up, my guy? How are you? I'm absolutely fantastic, bro. I'm uh bro, it's it's it's it's an honor to be in your presence for real. Oh, that Yeah, that Thank you so much, brother. I mean, same here, bro. I mean, this is the first time like um it's it's exciting because this is the first time I've been on someone else's platform kind of other than mine. And so, it's like I feel like I'm like, "Okay, things are going right. Things are going in the right direction." So, that's awesome, man. Yeah. Thank Thank you for having me.

2:33 Yeah, bro. Your dead ass your dead ass out here. And when I see you when I see your bro, when I see your clips, I'm like, "This this this guy this [bleep] look professional." Yeah. Yeah, man. I like I like the way you carry yourself. Thank you, brother. Y got y got like Where do you record? Where is it? Um yeah. So, uh I'm actually uh tapped in with a studio out in um uh Glennville, New York. Okay. Um it's a WO Studios. Um, so those guys, uh, in partnership with them, uh, was able to get that, you know, that studio vibe and presence that like, um, you know, it took a, don't get me wrong, it took a long while to get there, but now that we're here, um, yeah, it it's it's come it's come out and the numbers have been going up. um things I've been looking up uh from an analytic standpoint and just from a like kind of community based standpoint because now it's like you know now that I'm here sitting with you I have it feels like I have um other lenses kind of pointing towards our direction now which is which is great. Yeah, absolutely. You know what I mean? And it's like I've always been so big on like wanting to support one another.

3:47 Oh yeah. That's huge man. That's huge. And it's like it's as simple as just as just taking the shot. Like you never like want to talk, you know what I mean? I I've I've had great conversations with just about anybody. And I'm like I feel like you can It was just like a no-brainer to me. I'm like I could probably have a really dope conversation with somebody who actually has conversations. Has conversations, right? Yeah. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? For sure. And you know, you've been doing this for a minute. How long you been uh how long has your podcast been? Uh yeah, so the journey started back in I'd say like early 2024. Mhm. Um so basically it's a funny story cuz I was in um I was in my my my best friend's room uh Marcus who was on Truth Fillet too. Um, and it was me, Marcus, and my my boy Juan. And I was just sitting there and like cuz we used to dabble in music also because Marcus is a big he's uh I don't know if you're aware of Hilltop.

4:54 But um he he kind of tours with them and everything. So he's he was always musically inclined. You got some motion. Yeah. Type [bleep] Type [bleep] right? But um tap in. All right. Yeah. But we um I was just sitting there one day and I I remember I was in the in the chair and I turn around and I look at them and I'm like, "Guys, why don't we start a podcast? Like, see what happens." Right? And like I get by saying that it might sound like, "Oh, corny, cringy." And they're like, "Oh, it's a you know, there's a million in one podcast." And I get it. But I was like, "No, dead ass serious." Cuz like ever since I was younger, I always wanted to do something as I got older that was like I always wanted to put value out into the world in a certain way. Like I was really big on um one of my core principles, I've even said it in Trule episodes is like regret. You know, I don't want to be 72, you know, waking up one morning and then having a Vietnam flashback of like when I was 25, I probably should have kept Truthfully going, like what if it was just dead stop?

6:02 It was one episode and that was it. You know, I would I definitely wouldn't be here right now. M. So that was that was kind of like the core fire as to why I brought it up to them because I think inherently inside maybe I wasn't fully ready to just do it on myself yet. So I kind of like relied on my friends uh like togetherness confidence to then really go out. Right. So, like the first 6 months of Truthfleet, the birth of Trule, it was just me getting them to come over to my um crib and I had like a a studio room like this where we filmed our very first um demo episodes. And for like six, five months straight, it was just demo episodes. We It wasn't public. It wasn't. It was just us transitioning from talking as uh friends to talking in a setting in front of a camera, which can be two very different things.

7:05 People don't realize, you know what I mean? So, you had to kind of we kind of had to build a certain like foundation of like concrete uh kind of business in a way when like when we get here, we're like, "Okay, we're focused on the objective." And because when you're with your boys, you become so easily distracted to it's so easy to be like, "Fuck this. Let's go get a pizza." You know what I mean? Like what what the [bleep] are we doing? You know, so so it required some discipline to be like, "No, like like okay, like come on, we got to get an episode done. We got to, you know, edit." So, uh, our first public, uh, episode didn't come out until like January of 2025. Okay. Um, so we started putting out episodes January 2025 and then from like January to March, we had like a pretty good run of just the three of us um getting episodes out, getting episodes out and then our first real um kind of special guest was uh Mike Rican. I don't know if you know of him. He's a he's a he was in uh he's a cage war fighter uh MMA fighter. Um uh and he actually graduated with us. So like our very first uh episode with him was titled 7 years later because it had been seven years since we graduated high school. Oh wow. Together cuz we were in the same class.

8:30 Okay. So, we were like, "Oh, it's kind of like it felt like uh um like one of the first real features for Trufilt in terms of having a special guest, but also a step towards like, okay, cuz Mike already had a bit of motion." So now I'm like, okay, if we get Mike on, then we're like, then I can see this really traject from there. So, I guess that episode was like our first real episode and kind of set the belief of like, oh, this could really go up there, you know. Um, uh, we definitely had our bump. So, after that episode, we things were going good. Um, but then we had, um, a hiatus. You know, I had to learn that even if you do a project with friends, they still live their own individual lives. So meeting up even as an adult, you know, even while we're transitioning into adulthood and everything like that, um the they started to get more distant. And not in terms of friendship, just in terms of like I got my [bleep] to handle, too. You know what I mean? So I can't be here every week or this or this or that.

9:44 So we we had our hiatus where Trule wasn't coming out. We weren't posting. There was like a threemon to almost six month stretch where we just weren't doing anything. I was kind of losing the fire, the desire and this and that. Um, and then I was, you know, I I had a it was October of 2025 now where I was like, okay, I need to make a decision. I either let this die or I water it every single day and see what it grows into. So that October I was like, "Okay, how can I get Trule back into a transitioning stage where we're back in front of the eyes of the masses?" So, um, my first initial the first person I reached out to was, um, Rex from MBB World, right? Yeah. Uh, and this is when he was in Roderdam. Okay. Uh, Roderdam Mall. And, uh, he was just starting there, too. So I I figured I was like, "Oh, this is the best place to start. I want to restart. You're starting also." You know what I mean? So this is perfect, right? So that was October. Um and then I'm like, "Okay, things are looking up now. I'm reaching out. I'm starting to get more a little bit motion here and there." Um and then we had our first episode there. Um, and that was with I believe uh Nuski uh 23 Nuski.

11:12 Which one was he? Was he the one with Is he a rapper? Yes, he's an artist. Yeah. It was It was him and then uh Young Bril. Um and then that was the first episode uh that really was like, "Okay, now we can start putting out pumping out things on a more uh weekly kind of week toeek basis." Um, and then that episode shot up, you know, because both their followings, you know, like, and this also taught me that like collaboration is huge in the game that we're in. Um, for sure. and those guys. And then after that, now I had artists reaching out to me through the through the connections of NBB World also and this and that, but now I knew that we were starting to get a little bit more into the algorithm, you know, in terms of like, oh, I'm I'm showing up on the feed here and there. U so it went from those guys. Then we had uh Enroy uh who was another artist um coming out of um Skenctity. Um, and after Enroy, um, that was a great episode also. Uh, shout out all of those guys. And then I believe after Enroy, we had then we had, um, Otis.

12:30 Mhm. And then that that episode was which one which one was he? Uh, because I never Or my bad. Orlando Hun. Yeah. Yeah. I just said I I just say sometimes I just say his his his middle name. I I don't know why. It's just cuz on his handle it's Orlando. So I just sometimes I go by Otis, right? Yeah. Yeah. Whoops. Yeah. My bad. Yeah. No. Yeah. you had him and that was that was and then that episode was just it it was one of the first episodes that was like wow I'm in I'm in front of a individual that genuinely is so informative about what he's doing. I felt like I was in I felt like school was in session because, you know, and and having people like that is such a benefiting thing because they teach you so much more than, you know, what you didn't know prior. Yeah. Um, and and his episode was like a revelation in my mind in terms of like, oh my god, if I can keep having, you know, getting these profiled guests onto onto my platform, gez, this this could kind of really change the picture for me.

13:45 You know what I mean? And and and that was the real fire. And I throughout the journey, throughout these I I'm also in absolute shock, you know, like the imposttor syndrome um was very real, you know what I mean? Cuz I'm like, who am I? You know, to be kind of doing this, doing this, and you know, but I always knew I had this vision of like I I'mma do something and I'm going to see where it goes. I'm going to see where it grows. Just water it day by day cuz you never know. And like I always tell everybody, the time that we're in Mhm. is so beneficial if you allow it to be. Yeah. Of course you have to put the work in. Of course you have to put the edits in. Of course this and that. But like the way I can reach out to the masses to different parts of the world. I think when you have a moment to yourself that's a really empowering feeling. Yeah. Like how how am I sitting here right now but yet there's a neighborhood in Poland bumping my [bleep] crazy right now. You know what I mean? Like it's just a crazy thought to think, you know, because it's like, wow, this is this is finally starting to like really get the ball on the roll.

15:02 Um so we had those episodes and then I had my episodes with uh Marcus and uh Aerys from uh Hilltop. Um, and then throughout the summer it was it was harder because I was kind of transitioning between really trying to find a home for Trule. Absolutely. You know, um, and then also with other endeavors of life and whatnot. Um, but then when we had uh the episode with Static. Yes. That that episode was the one that Orlando is the one that put me on. The static one was when I was really I really I really locked in. You know what I mean? That was He's got a lot of insight and he's gone he's gone viral times. Yeah. He's he's one of them ones, man. Like he's he's really doing his thing. Um uh and he was a great guy to interview and get insight from. Um and I wish nothing but the best for him cuz he's really is I I love how um unique and authentic he is. you know, he's not afraid to be, oh, look at this brand new comic. Let's look like he's not afraid to be nerdy. That's who he is. You know what I mean? That's you. You be who you are at all times.

16:17 You know what I mean? But yeah, Statics episode. Um, and I kind of knew that it was definitely going to change the narrative towards how people approach Trufle. After that episode, I knew that it was going to be like, okay, with the lighting, the camera, the production of it all. I was like, h, this is why I kept going. You know what I mean? And it may seem small, right? It's not like I got a 100 million followers, likes, and this and that, but you know, to me, and you know, to see all the little mini battles I had to fight to get there, it was like, oh my god, this this feels like I'm I'm selling out the garden. Rome was built one one one brick at a time. You know what I'm saying? That's how it goes. And you got to celebrate. I you gotta celebrate every victory as it comes, man. Yeah, you really do. The fact that people are willing to give you their time, people could be doing a a million other things, man. Like, and if they're willing to spend something with you that they can't get back time, it says a lot about your value, how they and how they perceive your value. You know what I'm saying?

17:24 Definitely. You know what I mean? Like I said, I mean, I I like the the the the the vibe that you and your peoples have. Just like y'all was talking about what like cheeseburgers versus steak. Yeah, man. You know what I mean? And you know, and I like because like steak and potatoes versus like a cheeseburger and f like like hamburger and fries. It's like the same [bleep] thing, right? Like what are you going to do? Like I just tough, right? You know, like I [bleep] I don't even eat meat anymore. Like I hate steak, right? Yeah. But I loved cheeseburgers. You know what I'm saying? But like if if one of them was on a cliff, who are you saving type [bleep] you know what I mean? You know what I mean? But um it just goes to show like you can make any little section of a conversation and market it to the masses and they're going to tune in. And like and it goes back to like what I said in terms of like the digital age we're in. You are genuinely allowed to do that.

18:27 Mhm. Like and and that's a that's a crazy thing because 30 40 years ago that wasn't really happening. You know, it was so different. So we truly we truly we truly have autonomy within our realm of desire. Yeah, that is uh something I said I had real I said that was a quote I said in a other interview that I was editing and I looked at I'm like damn I said that I said that [bleep] and I and then I've realized like just how how like how real that is you know and it's in direct alignment with everything you just said you know and uh you said something really beautiful. You said as a kid you always wanted to put value out into the world. Yeah, definitely. And what I I want to ask you was stemming from that statement. Uh my first question to you, brother, as a child, what do you learn? What did you learn you had to do to deserve love? What did I Oh, that's a big question.

19:33 Yeah, it's a heavy hitter. Uh to deserve love. Um, yeah, that's a good question. Um, I guess to start, I was also very like as a kid, I was also I was really big uh ADHD kid, right? So, I was couldn't focus for [bleep] I'm here, there, in that corner, this corner, up and down. Um, so I was inherently like oblivious to a lot of [bleep] also. You know what I mean? just like stuck on stupid with certain [bleep] Um, but in terms of love, it was I, you know, I thank God I always had a loving mother, a loving father that was, you know, always in the picture, a loving family and everything and they've supported me a lot, you know, along the journey. Um, but to get to the core of your question, um, I don't really know. I think I think everybody has a very different definition of love. Okay.

20:37 You know, because um I think, you know, some people would rather have loyalty over love. Uh some people have a different um just aura around what love even is. Uh but I think love for me is someone that um shows up, sacrifices in order to see the betterment of you. You know what I mean? like how many moms out there had to put their dreams on hold for their child, you know? If that's not selfless, then I don't know what is. Yeah. You know, so um but in terms of love, I'd say the thing with love with me, I'll be honest. I think love can be as fleeting as motivation can be. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You see what I'm saying? Because I can be I can be motivated. I could watch a a video on YouTube, a real motivational speech, and I could be the most motivated [bleep] for the next three minutes. Right. Right. But then after those three minutes, uh, I I I see I see I get distracted by something else easily.

21:47 You know what I mean? But I think love kind of comes and goes with that that same kind of um aura because I think it it's almost like to me it's like fog in a way where like you walk in it can dissipate very quickly cuz all it takes is a few certain scenarios and then that's it. Love is gone out through the window. Um, so I think love for me is more so having someone show up for you even when they got some [bleep] going on. You know what I mean? I think I think showing up is huge. I think um, you know, also ad helping somebody admit something they don't want to admit. You know, having those people around you to say, "Hey, what you're doing is is wrong. What you're doing is right. What you're doing is good. What you're doing is bad." you know, and not being um someone that's just a yes man, you know, and saying no when you need to say no. Um, and love is a beautiful question, by the way, but love is is is such a tricky thing. I think especially in today's world, it's very like it's really not as concrete as it used to be. I think I think it's extremely transactional. Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

23:07 You know what I'm saying? Uh, capitalism has definitely bled into it, especially as the, you know, especially with the, uh, dating apps and whatnot. Essentially have your resume on display, basically. What does this what does this person bring to the table? You know what I'm saying? You know, and it's it's it's it's weird. I mean, I'm not going to sit here and say I haven't, you know, been on dating apps and whatnot. I think we all have. Yeah. Yeah, but it's just like I don't know, man. It's like and and there are plenty of people who find genuine connections on that [bleep] but it's just like it's just it's just not Yeah. So many people are worried are focused on what somebody can do for them monetarily. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? More so than more so than building a genuine connection. You know what I'm saying? That can potentially maybe last until old age. You know what I'm saying? Right. Yeah. Yeah, it's just it's just something [bleep] is just something it's just something else entirely and I just had to take a step back for a bit because I mean I just have to admit I just wasn't healthy enough to be within the mix of that. But uh you know and I just had to I I had to like develop a better relationship with humanity in the inevitable space that we're in.

24:25 You know what I mean? How do you make how do you make sense of this society that's rooted in selfishness and greed and you know what I mean and entitlement you know what I mean and [bleep] like that like you know how do I develop a better relationship with myself exactly within the ugliness of this in order to find and appreciate the paradise so I can then attract the right person it's it's such a [bleep] process. Yeah. It is. And I just I you know I I think of everything I can't help but to think of everything deeply. You know what I mean? Yeah. Every there's depth to everything if you're willing to probe at it. You know what I'm saying? Oh god. But nah, dude. It's just like I don't know, man. It's love is for me. Love is like, love is like, you know, you [bleep] with me, you stay by my side, you you remain loyal to me even when it's ugly.

25:29 Yeah, that's that's the part. And it's been ugly. I'm talking like, you know what I mean? I've never been, but if hypothetically I think of like the worst situation, if I'm in a psych ward, you're going to come tap in, right? Are you going to tap in? You know what I'm saying? You're going to make some fake goods. You going to still going to [bleep] with me? You know what I'm saying? You still, you know? Yeah. You going to look at me still as him? You know what I mean? For real. Like that's that's love. Like even when it's when it's despicable, you know what I mean? Am I still your guy? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? That that [bleep] that [bleep] means something. And um you know, I had to I had to learn that cuz I had to I learned to I learned every I learned a lot of [bleep] backwards. Yeah. Like Yeah. I developed a relationship with God after under after feeling the weight of Satan. You know what I'm saying? I see. And I've learned the value of of of love after, you know what I mean? Being so rooted so deeply within hate. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

26:30 Cuz the two are all in direct correlation. Good and evil work hand in hand. You know what I mean? It's Yeah. It's it's it's tough. It is tough. You know, that's like that's just how I that's just how I view it, man. It's just like what you know what can this can this relationship maintain its integrity under pressure, right? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. That [bleep] is that that's that's that's what's imperative. That's what that's when you know the love is real. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because it's it's easy to be to be lost, you know, to get lobbession can feel like love. Yeah. And and it makes me wonder with love, right? Is it is it really truly a feeling or is it really just an attachment? No. Wow. You know what I mean? Or or are you just because the human brain, humans in general, like if you if you look at it from a I guess psychological scientific standpoint, we our brain analyzes people in our life with proximity and familiarity, right? So like a lot of situationships let's say that happen at work your brain recognizes familiarity with proximity at times. M so just by being within the 50 yard radius proximity of somebody your brain starts to then activate certain thoughts that go from this to then that to then deeper rooted things to then maybe all the way to obsession.

28:14 So, it it's it's very eerie how the brain can work with certain feelings and emotions and not everybody has the ability to recognize what is an emotion and what's not. You know what I mean? So, it's it's very important to like always like with me, I always question an emotion when I'm feeling it in the real time. Sometimes it's harder, right, in certain scenarios, but I always try to be like, okay, why am I feeling this? Is there a rooted source as to why? Am I envious? Am I mad? Am I sad? Am I like what is going on? So then I can tell my brain because like I think a lot of people don't become familiar with the organ that's in their head. You know what I mean? like it the more you are in tune with this the more you can you know exercise things with this your you know emotions feelings um like emotional IQ I think in today's world is so important it's so important because people you know you see 43y old men throwing tantrums in the Walmart aisle you know what I mean because like you said due to the entitlement in today's due to the you know easy you know obtainable things and instant gratification. Yes. So we we kind of become designed to you know expect everything at a moment's notice and it it plays a part in especially relationships love this and that. We want things instantly. See a pretty girl at the club instantly.

30:00 But like I don't want to create a foundation blah blah blah this this and that. But like those how those are how people I think view things. You know what I mean? And in terms of love and those feelings, you know, it's it's a very slippery slope. I I I feel like in today's world, it's very hard for us to have something and then take care of it day by day. Can you do you have the ability to be patient? Well, I also I think that's what love is. Do you have the ability to have patience with another human because I think that's where it really comes down to. Yeah. I mean, you're with this you you're married, you're with this person every single day. You know, it can either turn into I love the way they eat cereal or I resent them for going to take a [bleep] at 3 p.m. every day. You know what I mean? Like goofy [bleep] like that. But like it plays a part especially when you live and you soal love somebody. Yeah. So it's it's tricky. But I always try to like I always try to view things from a psychological and analytical standpoint, bro. Because I like the way you break [bleep] down.

31:16 Yeah. Because then cuz then it helps to like eternalize things the proper healthy way because sometimes people eternalize things and then the output is not what it should be and then the decline is ever more present more and more and more. So it's like it sucks but like you said it's the society we live in you know this this want and need and urge for this when sometimes like if we could just like have a higher intake of having smaller moments of gratitude I think it would change the whole world's perspective because when you stop and realize what you have you never you know I I I feel like every time I do that I become less transactional and like more pure in terms of my approach and thoughts with things, you know, and and saying that I'm nowhere near a saint at all. I mean, I've done my, you know, I've done my evil deeds. I've put lust in front of connection. I've turned my back, you know, when I shouldn't have. So, I'm nowhere near a a you know, saint, like I said, but I'm trying to develop ways and healthy patterns to help go along the ride, you know. So, yeah, fair enough.

32:40 Mhm. Let me ask you, you spoke about love and being with somebody every day because one thing you know how much you [bleep] with somebody when based on how you deal with the qualities they mirror that you despise within yourself. You know what I'm saying? Like you know what I mean? Like that'll how you how you operate, how you maneuver within that relationship when that [bleep] happens really really determines the strength of that. But let me ask when you when you when I think about being with somebody for the rest of your life every day, I wonder how feasible that actually is for myself. I can't like like do you truly believe in monogamy? Yeah. Um tough. Tough. [bleep] is hard. It's tough. I mean, you know what I mean?

33:42 It's I think marriage in itself, I think coming into like the adult world when I would always like sit and have my moments about marriage, I'd be like the first thing I'd question myself is what is it? Mhm. Like what is marriage? Okay. So, from what I know, it's this union of two people and they've made a promise to each other for the rest of their lives that they will care and support each other. Almost basically a a legal contract both permission. Yeah. Literally. Um, so now are you prepared to come with what's on that contract that was hidden in the fine print? M in terms of patience, selflessness, you know, um checking your ego, knowing when to walk away. Do you do you have these traits that allow you to be in a union with somebody?

34:48 And you have to have an honest conversation with yourself. And if you don't, then sometimes, I mean, like you mentioned earlier, just focus on yourself cuz that's the best way for you to attract anyway, especially in today's world. I think especially as men, you know, the further we go in our life, like I'm only 26, but by 30, I have I need that mother. I need that [bleep] Like by the time I'm 30, you know? And so I'm giving myself grace enough, but I'm also putting an objective on the board to wake up and see every day, you know, but um in terms of yeah, marriage, it's yeah, do you have those traits? Can can you be that person for that other person? And can that person be whatever they need to be for you? So, it's a tricky dilemma. That's why it's like I'd so much rather take the time and patience to to you know if I was a a person lurking for love or whatever it's so much better to take the time and patience to develop yourself be in absolute in tune with yourself so that you can help another person become your person if that makes sense. Like I know that was a that was a bit of a loop me explaining it, but like it'll make sense while you're in that journey.

36:16 You know what I mean? Because love requires so much more than just what it is. Love is love requires the understanding that your world like your world doesn't have to make sense to others. Yeah. What your dynamic is is your dynamic. And that [bleep] may look foreign as [bleep] to somebody else, but like doesn't matter. Like you have this [bleep] It's like there's no cookie cutter way this is supposed to look or go. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And it's just being able to it's it's just being able to being able to accept that. You know what I'm saying? Like Yeah. And understand like you know what we see on TV, what we see on social media like just you know the tip of the [bleep] iceberg is just not reality. Well, I mean that's another great point too because um like being in the game that we're in with social media, it's like you go on that feed, you are seeing everybody else's best highlights of their life currently. So I had to learn it's very easy for me to go through my feed for 30 20 minute whatever and then feel shitty about myself because I'm not in Cancun right now from the post I saw. I didn't get a brand new Lamborghini right now from the post I saw. I wasn't on that stage from the post I saw where I was my ass was on the couch probably editing or some [bleep] You know what I mean? So you be you become you see everybody's best highlights. Of course, especially if you're a person with heavy anxiety or doubt over yourself or a specific diagnosis or whatever to feel like you are not

38:02 adequate enough to the masses. It's very easy to be getting to get mixed up and lost between that. Um, especially in today's world where you're seeing all of that greatness from somebody else because are they going to post the bad parts all the time? Maybe if they're authentic enough, but from what I see, that's not always the case. Um, so it's, you know, it I think becoming a content creator and, you know, podcaster, um, a thing I had to learn that was really important was balance. not only balancing this kind of lifestyle but what happens when you're home not in front of a camera and all the elements that interact there you know are do you have the ability again to balance both you know because it's it's really not as easy as it seems you know I've had to sacrifice a lot of things prior to even make it to an episode you know I had to go through many battles to to finally the light for truthfullen behind the scenes, but it it's also so you can eventually lead yourself into the into the light.

39:21 Um, so you do have to make those sacrifices. You do have to uh put that work in, especially with social media. You know, I think I think in terms of social media, the game is only going to get um heavier in terms of output. You know, like we we live in an age where okay, everybody wants to be a content creator, everybody wants to do this, everybody wants to do this. Yes. Yes. Yes. But are you willing to create the output that is needed to reach a successful mark? Because everybody has different motives for uh social media or what whatever platform they're creating, right? Like for truthfull I may say I want world domination and that's my goal. I want every [bleep] in the world to be tuned into my [bleep] Or my goal could just be I want just the capital region to know my name, right? And then start from there. So everybody has a different goal. Everybody has a different ambition. Everybody has a different direction to where they want to take their platform. And I think the level of success they want to reach is based on their happiness level also. I can be content and happy if I just reach 5,000 followers and that's it and I reached my goal and I can live life fully and I'm happy now because I did it right. Or I could change that into 500 million followers and be like boom, that's my goal until the day I die. I'm going to try to get there. So everybody, it's it's all very it varies in terms of like what you want out of it, but it's also beneficial to know that it can happen if you're willing to put the work in. For sure. Definitely.

41:13 I like that. I like that. Uh I like the the the dedication and the determination you have. you're a very resilient person and um you know it it it it makes me want to like and going back rewinding a bit back to childhood what part of your childhood self do you wish someone had understood? It's a good question. Um, I'd say um my creative side. I I'd say creativity in terms of as a kid I was, you know, being ADHD prone and all that. I was also very like socially awkward at times for sure. Uh so didn't really know how to like communicate effectively until I was like literally 17 18. Right. So like um me in that regard. Right. Right. Right. So um so conversations were I always tried to be my goofy authentic self though being like being who what I was jumping off the walls blah blah blah this and that. I was always purely me.

42:31 Um, but there were times where if I was in certain environments or certain groups, I'd be more shy, more to myself, you know, not being as vocal. And going back to childhood, um, I think, you know, there were times where I felt like people didn't take the time to really understand me. Yeah. in terms of what I am, what I can bring, what my output could be, you know, they just saw this maybe mediocre kid and was like, "Oh, well, you know, he's just another one, you know." U so like I always felt like sometimes the lens wasn't really um dialed in on me how it should. And maybe that that was maybe a little selfish, but also um I always felt like it got to the point where I'm like I can't expect people to come to me anymore. I got to put this [bleep] out and have them just put it in their face sometimes, you know? Cuz sometimes you on the episode I had with uh PDR Bigger, we were talking about how sometimes you just have to pop your [bleep] collar and be be and be like, "You know what? I own this [bleep] [bleep] This [bleep] is my realm. You came into my house. You know what I mean? And because it's it it lights up a fire in you to be like, "Yeah, I'mma prove a [bleep] point." You know what I mean? Yeah, I am like I am weird the ner. I am truth for life.

44:04 What's up? You know what I mean? Like sometimes you need that. Um and I think when I was a child, uh I didn't have that fire enough. I I would let certain [bleep] slide maybe a little too much here and there. Um but um now that I'm 26, I can look back and be like, okay, yeah, it was a journey. Some parts were uglier than others. Uh but man, sometimes I I wake up and I'm like, I have another chance. I have another day. Thank God. Cuz I think uh genuinely a day above ground is a great day. Even if you got fired, even if you got in a car accident, even if you lost a finger, you know, God forbid obviously, but God, you got to wake up, bro. Like, you genuinely did. Not that many people out there in the world, you unfortunately didn't. So, I I just try to be grateful. I just try to like do my own thing. Um, and just keep trying to put output of my product out there because sometimes you make beautiful art and the right people will come. And I think it's it's it shows because we're here now.

45:22 I I would a year ago if somebody told me I was going to be in this position, I would have been like, "You're bullshit." I would have been like, "You're you're cracked out. You're on drugs." You know what I mean? But like a a year can change. so much, you know, if you you have this dedication and persistence. And I'm not saying spend 12 hours a day on this [bleep] every single time. You know what I'm saying? No, just be aware of it. Put in the practice every, you know, hour here, an hour there, this and that, and just day by day. It's it's a process. You know, I can't expect Truthfull $2 million tomorrow. That's completely unrealistic. You know what I'm saying? But I've genuinely seen people out there that have that expectation. You know, they put out one uh episode of something and then, you know, it's you never see them again. And I never wanted to be that person. I never when I was a child, like growing thinking about my adult self, I was like, I want to I want to be somebody. I want to do something. You know what I mean? because I felt like when I was a kid, I was just so um I had a a FOMO of so many things also, you know, and I was like when I'm older, I'm going to I'm going to create my own thing and and really see what that brings.

46:47 You know, definitely. And the thing about it is like with people like us, with creative individuals, like we have quirks that that you know really add to the uh lack of understanding. Yeah. From other people. And a lot of people will tell you that oh you got to stop that like like and what I've come to learn is like what society deems to be wrong with you is in direct correlation with what's right with you. It's all about how you channel it. Definitely. Yes. And me always being in deep thought, people like, I got to we got to get you out of that. I'm like, I have some [bleep] that. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I mean, yeah, you can definitely think about the wrong things and it can of course. But like on the flip side, you know what I mean? Being a deep thinker can lead can lead to enlightenment. Yeah, it really it's it's a very crit it's a very imperative part of critical thinking, which at the very least is on life support today. Yeah.

47:45 You know what I'm saying? So it's just like you know I mean the [bleep] you know there are so many great thinkers so many talented people so many brilliant individuals who have been told that the very qualities that made them pop were things that they need to stop doing whatever it's like you try to stop doing this thing that's just an inherent part of who you are and it's like you you you wonder why you're going crazy right you Exactly. Yeah. And it's just like you just have to just allow yourself. You just have to just submit and just let what be is. You know what I'm saying? Like we are who we are. You know what I mean? And we know what we know when we know it, right? Exactly. Exactly. And yeah, it's it's it's it's it's a tough journey, but I mean we always but it's it's the struggle is what leads us to appreciating it once we get there. You know what I mean? Yeah. Once we get there. Yeah. you know.

48:45 Yeah. And I think um especially with with Truthfile, like for me, I don't in terms of monetization, right? I don't expect to see that for I can't allow my brain to expect to see that for a very long time. I can make the steps now to start the process and slowly get there, but I know it's not going to be a million dollars overnight obviously, but you know, you have to create the steps to slowly get there. My entire goal with it genuinely um is to just move correctly with it. I don't care if this takes 10 to 15 years and I'm 36 now and Truthfully by the moment we have here till that time I know I will have reached certain heights. I just I just know it because there's no way this has gone this well so far. Absolutely.

49:47 You know, so there's got to be this even from a spiritual perspective like God does have a plan. I just have to see it out. It's a fact. You know, I mean, he's going to give me these signs. He's going to give me these blessings, these hands to shake to lead me, you know, towards a brighter light. Um, and I just I have to follow the script now. I just have to walk behind his footsteps and see how that goes. You know what I mean? I Because also, you have to have a higher belief in what you're doing also. Yes, sir. You have to have um you have to create like coal that ignites your fire every day, right? Something you can attach yourself to because I honestly I have my moments where I'm like, "What the [bleep] am I doing?" Like, am I like, "Who am I to be doing this to be inviting these guests?" blah blah blah.

50:48 Like the like I said, the imposttor syndrome is so real at times. But then I go back to like I said, "Oh wait, I'm the only one doing this [bleep] right now though." You know what I mean? And like fellow podcasters like you, we're the only ones doing this [bleep] right now. You know what I mean? Of course there's other podcasters within New York State that are but but like where we are in Albany, you know, I feel like the content creators out here, I feel like we're slowly starting to become like this tight-knit community. we just haven't met all of each other yet. You know what I mean? And I think when we start doing that and we start, you know, uh collaborating here, collaborating there, this and that, like it's we're all going to benefit from it. There's no way cuz all our audience in, you know, intersect with each other this and that. And now we have um glimpses into whole new fan bases, which I think is a beautiful thing. you know, we're just we're just not at the scale or level that, you know, the media sets it out to be, you know, but we're on our way there. We climbed halfway through the mountain. It makes no sense to go back down. [bleep] right.

52:00 So, you know what I mean? So sometimes you you have to back yourself um every single day because you know like we said you know people that don't have that kind of emotional IQ to like really become in tune with their feelings, emotions and what they tell their brain is also huge too. Yeah. the then the more negative or positive you are to yourself will be either a negative or positive response through your actions. That's a fact. So I mean that's another thing that's that's huge too in today's world that you know I kind of really want everybody to be aware of like how you treat your brain is so important. what you tell yourself. You can enlighten yourself every single day if you allow yourself to tell the things to your brain that you need to say. You know what I mean? But it's also at the same token on the other side of that coin, it's also being truthful with yourself also.

53:05 You know, being like, I know I didn't post today. Here's another a big word I like to use is avoidance. Okay, which is huge. Yeah, you're [bleep] right. Right. Avoidance is huge. I remember an example when I was a teenager. I remember when on um you know, my dad would tell me go take out the trash. Right. My room was right by the kitchen. I knew that trash was there. I knew that trash was there. But where would I go? Directly to my room. Close that door. I don't want to take out that trash right now. But I know it's so funny how the brain works. Your brain knows a task needs to be done. But it is you allowing yourself not to do it. So you are aware of a truth. You are just not doing the action to confront it. So that's where people I think avoidance is a huge thing. You know, not having the ability to tackle on goals and objectives, right? And when I say that, at the same time, I've had my moments where I've done that also. You know, I'm not up here just saying that [bleep] just cuz. But I'm just saying it because it's been a natural part of my life. And like I've had to deal with avoidance and this and that and attacking something. But it's also just developing as a human also. You know what I mean? having those creating those traits, those uh discipline moments to to to get you over the line and what you want to do. So, it's very important.

54:39 Yeah. You speak a lot about emotional IQ. Mhm. During adolescence, what did you hide about yourself to feel accepted? Oh, that's a good one. Um, I'd say, yeah, I'd say with my my my ADHD, I think I there were, you know, I was in certain environments where I wouldn't say too much on purpose because if I got too lit, then I'm exposing too much of myself, right? And that was like a vulnerability of mine, right? Like, oh, I can't because like when I was younger, I used to have like a really high-pitched laugh. So it was kind of a like a I'll be honest, it was kind of a goofy goober laugh, right? You type [bleep] So like it was tough. So I couldn't be like so expressive in terms of you mad funny like [bleep] Like no, I had to be like, "Oh, okay. Yeah, it's cool." You know, like [bleep] like that, right? But like I wasn't being my truest form of myself.

55:40 You know what I mean? So there were times where like certain scenarios I was like way more laidback almost to like a corny kind of level, you know, because but it was just because I was afraid to be vulnerable in terms of being my full true self, you know, because I don't think they were ready for my goofiness that comes with my ADHD. Whereas now as an adult, I'm like, damn, I should have just went full ADHD because people were going to love it. Mhm. I was I would I would, you know, I would try to crack jokes, be the class clown, this and that, this and that, but I would limit myself doing those things because I was in certain environments, certain groups, this and that, you know. So, I wasn't as expressive as I should have been and or was almost scared to be due to the opinion of others and what I would have thought they think of me. Okay. So it was yeah it it you know I had definitely had those moments for sure. What experience in those years most changed your understanding of whom you could trust?

56:49 Yeah. Um yeah I think trust in itself uh is a slippery slope. Um because I've had moments in my life where you know people come and then they just go. That's a fact. So you know there wasn't with certain bridges I couldn't cross all the way. Mhm. And even if it was built I'd still have eeriness about crossing it anyway. Um I think like you said in the beginning, right? like people tend to be very uh transactional oriented with things. You know, I want this for that, exchange this for that. Um, and trust is I think trust is huge, right? It's like who can you call when you're in a pickle, you know? Who can you know that is going to show up and really have your back? Uh, but I think trust is ultimately having trust with someone that someone is going to show up for you and back you no matter what. I think trust is almost like love in a way in terms of we need to create a bridge that's going to be solid and foundational for the rest of our days. You know what I mean? And and trust comes with I think love and it comes with loyalty at the same time.

58:21 There's no way you can't trust the people that you're loyal to. It defeats the po the purpose of loyalty. You know what I mean? So, it's like, yeah, trust is one of those things that's also just as tricky. Um, because it it's such a slippery slope and it's it's Actually, let me ask you this actually because it got me thinking. Uhhuh. In a relationship, there are people like there are people who are with spouses that cheat on them that they remain loyal to but they don't trust them. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's it's it's weird. Yeah. I think it's also a situational thing also. Okay. I think it's also very situational too because maybe that person um doesn't have all the elements they need in order to go do their absolute own thing. Mhm. You know what I mean? So like maybe I don't have a means of transportation to just walk out of this jerk's house right now.

59:24 Maybe I don't have the, you know, money to just book a flight to Miami and get away for a while. You know what I mean? So, it's very situational um with that. Uh but yeah, it's I think it's also for situations like that, how much damage are you willing to take and stay? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But when you ask asked a question recently, it's like at what point do we still view loyalty as a virtue when it come like do we still view loyalty as a virtue when it comes at the expense of one's own dignity? Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it just started making me think of like a bunch of a bunch of things because these qualities that we deem to be great like it comes it comes with a negativity. It comes with some negativity. I mean, like, you can you can have unwavering loyalty, but it can make you it can make you lack selfworth. Yeah. Self-respect, and that can make you that can make you appear to be stupid to some people. You know what I'm saying? But at the same time, you look at that loyalty and it's like, damn. Like, I respect that [bleep] You know what I'm saying?

1:00:33 And it's it's just it just got me thinking about a lot of about a lot of things. Like, you know what I mean? Like, does great like I feel like greatness comes with a little bit of stupidity. Yeah, that's like that's you have to be. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's that's exactly right. It comes with stupidity cuz of course you're going to have your idiotic moments. You know what I mean? But like, you know, it's just it's just it's just a part of it's just a part of our humanity. You know what I mean? Yeah. Let me ask you, can you love someone you don't respect? Can you love someone you don't respect? Well, respect is Respect is a huge thing, right? Because when I look at you, I need to know that well, one, I like you and that I respect you. And if I don't respect you, for me, it's me not caring what the [bleep] you do at all. If I don't care you, it's bad to say, you know, I don't want to get cancelled, but like if you if I don't respect you, I could give less of a [bleep] you could jump off a bridge and I wouldn't be like faced because I just I don't have a and I think that goes back to like maybe ADHD in terms of like if I'm not fully interested in this being I my focus will be nowhere else you know I will not attach myself to you I will not engage in conversation with you will be just a shadow in my eyesight you know what I mean so respect Respect is huge, right? And can you love somebody without respect?

1:02:18 It again it depends on what definition of love that is, you know. So it it it's because love even maybe through a psychological perspective, right? Love can sometimes be through trauma from a person PTSD. It's it's almost the wrong kind of love, but their heart attaches to that person, thing, whatever, because of the damage that's been done to their brain, to their psyche. So, it's very tough. Um, would I love somebody that I don't respect? Probably not, because like I said, how I am eternally, I I I could give less of a [bleep] genuinely. Um, but I think if that person was to create the steps to earn that respect, that's a little bit different. You know what I mean? Cuz you you're you're making an effort. Um, but to love without respect, I every time I'd walk past you, I wouldn't say hi. I wouldn't glance your way. I wouldn't shake your hand. I wouldn't. So, you would almost be a a ghost in my space, you know? And could I love a ghost?

1:03:44 Not really. But maybe some people can. You know what I mean? Some people are, like I said, through trauma, PTSD, through their psyche. You know, it's it's all very different. Um, but I don't think I could love someone that I don't respect because I think you need to in order to have those two things within the same bubble, you have to have so many other foundational things as well. Um, and if those blocks are missing, you can't you can't build a full house. So, it's tough. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. As you entered the adulthood, which belief about life became hardest to hold on to for you? Which belief about life? Yeah. Um yeah, I think um just humanity in general, I think it's the ability that we don't have is learning from our mistakes, right? Like I'm a huge huge history nerd. Like I'm obsess I don't know if it's because I'm in my mid20s or slowly going Republican, but I am obsessed with like World War I, World War II, u big history guy. Um, and I love history because it shows us we make the same mistakes. We make the same wars. We make the same catastrophes all behind the same core principles that are, you know, greed, power, money, all these core things that it's are human element to just repeat and to dive into those things in the wrong ways. Well, it's because intelligence doesn't equate to wisdom, right? You know what I'm saying? Right?

1:05:38 Intelligence is what you know, but wisdom is what you can actually apply through experience. You know what I mean? And like understanding that you got again all these people with all these fancy [bleep] degrees, do the same [bleep] [bleep] Like you learned about what went wrong. What the [bleep] you doing? You know what I mean? But yeah, it's just it's just an inevitable aspect of of humanity. Unfortunately, you know what I mean? It's just like history is just deemed to repeat itself. It's just deemed, you know, unfortunately. Yeah. And um it's funny cuz I had a thought the other day that was like, you know, humans in general. We like to believe that we're endless, right? Like that we don't have our time on Earth like other species have had. Mhm. It could be a very real possibility that a year from now a meteor just comes in and wipes us out and our time here on Earth is done.

1:06:38 We don't know, right? But if I say that, I then have to think like, oh wow, you know, a lot of this [bleep] don't matter in terms of like I could be dust tomorrow, right? God forbid. So, I'mma do something with my life now. You know what I mean? I like I have to um I think, you know, like I said, having those smaller moments of gratitude will put you like just your psyche in a better like alleyway, I guess. Um, and yeah, going back to history, it's just I love history because yeah, we we're just we're just doomed to repeat ourselves and and and this sucks. You know, I think for all the goodhearted people that really, you know, don't mean any harm and they're just trying to do their own thing. You know, unfortunately, life doesn't deal them the best set of cards. Mhm. You know what I mean? Like I've seen so many people, so many talented individuals waste their life away because they're just not in the right environment or situation to be able to be put in the spotlight to to show what they can do.

1:07:55 You know what I mean? And I, you know, I I was I didn't really have much when I was a kid. I didn't really have much in terms of like, oh, I'm I have the privilege of doing this, the privilege of doing that, blah, blah, blah. So when I got older, I was like, you know what? I'll just create my own platform. I'll create my own stage and then see how that goes. You know, I don't I never felt like I needed someone else to I don't get me wrong, I love anybody that comes in and teaches me what I didn't know cuz it's only going to make me better and smarter and stronger and, you know, want to chase what I chase even more. Um, but I always back myself to find a way out regardless of any situation. For sure. Good. I'm curious. You said you said you're slowly becoming a Republican. Explain that to me. Yeah. I mean, I just joke that way just because um uh who said that?

1:08:56 Uh Shane Gillis, the comedian. Yeah. He had a segment where he was saying he loved history too, blah blah blah, and um how he was slowly becoming Republican in his mid20s also. So like I I just saw as a viewpoint because there was a time where like don't get me wrong, I don't like Trump, but there was a time where I backed him in terms of a financial standpoint. That's a lot of people. Right. Right. Right. So then I was like, wait, am I becoming Republican? Right. So, I was like joking with myself and then um I was like I because I could get down with those white folk. I I can do it. You know what I mean? They'll love me. It's it's fine. Uh but yeah, I always joked with that because like it's funny because growing up it was always um like my parents were almost like more of a democratic kind of point of view, you know? And I never really [bleep] with politics like that until I got older, you know, and then I was like, "Oh, wait. this [bleep] kind of matters, you know, when you're paying taxes and doing this this and that. So, whoever is in a position of power plays a really vital role. So, then I was like, you know, in the transition from adolescence to adulthood, I mean, like, oh yeah, I'm full Republican now. Just and it was just really for that one day and I was like, no. You know what I mean? Because I could give less about politics. But I also know right through our episode with Orlando that there's power behind that and there's significance between who's in your local office and who's not. You know what I mean? These things really play a role um especially in the city, town, neighborhood, state that you're in.

1:10:37 Um so yeah. Yeah, it's it's um th those things those factors are very important and um yeah I but yeah to to your question yeah I was just joking with the Republican thing cuz I just found it funny that like yeah Republican people are just so like just very traditional in terms of what they want and this and that. And it's like not it's like and it's like I hope it didn't come off as like me being skeptical. Oh no no no no. I got because a lot of people get like really like weird and iffy when it comes to politics. I I could give less. I could care less. You know what I mean? Even if you coming through with some hatred, I want to understand how you came to be to how you come to such conviction, right? Such with such beliefs, you know what I mean? These things that are these things that are, you know, that [bleep] that [bleep] is that that [bleep] is like interesting to me. Like having conversations with people that take you out of your echo chamber. Yeah, you'd be surprised what you might be able to gain from that dialogue. You know what I mean? So, I'm I'm I'm interested in having whatever. You know what I mean? Just I just fig I just figured I'd dig a little bit because I'm I'm not I'm not super wellversed in politics, but I damn sure have an interest. You know what I'm saying? I love I love political and economical theory. You know what I'm saying? I I too love history. Definitely.

1:11:59 You know what I mean? So, it's I I have a lot of questions. I'm I always want to learn. Yeah. And I want to make society better, you know what I mean, for the for the youth so we can have a more fruitful future. For sure. You know what I'm saying? So, you know, it's something that it's something that I like to I like to learn more about through the through the shared realities of others. Definitely. You know what I mean? So, I appreciate you letting me in in that regard. Hell yeah. Um, let me ask you, what did a moment you're proud of reveal about you beyond your ability to succeed? Um, yeah. Um, well, I guess like like how I said earlier with the Orlando episode, that was really a revelation in what like Trufillet could really do and like what we could we can bring, you know, in terms of that scale because it was the first time where we we had an outreach numbers-wise that was like, whoa, right? like this is this is the first time a video we're putting out is getting like 5k 10k views you know what I mean so it was it was it was really a stepping stone like stepping stone in terms of like holy [bleep] I have the capability and potential to really take this to to heights I didn't really think I it was possible you know because it it's so funny what you tell your brain um and how far you can take something. You know what I mean? Like in terms of just like really believing in something and just putting it out there and seeing the reaction. There's been so many times I've had my phone out literally just I

1:13:51 had the draft ready, every the caption and I'm just staring at the post button for like 20 15 minutes just being like, "Oh god, like do I do this?" You know what I mean? like those so like those anxiety moments, those doubt moments, those they're still very real heavy hitters today. Yeah. I think I think that that'll never go away fully, but I think it's okay to be a little nervous. It's okay to be a little scared because I think that's the universe's sign of telling you that it's for a better positioning in the future. Because when you're not nervous, when you're not scared, are you doing something that's elevating you? If you choose comfort over ambition, you know what I mean? Eventually, your life's never going to change or or your life isn't going to turn it into the reality that you wanted it to be. So, go create that reality for yourself. You know what I mean? And you never you never know. And like I said, in the digital age that we are in, you have the access and ability to do this.

1:14:59 Yeah. You just crack at it every single day, water it every single day. And you don't know, hey, like I said, it could take 10, 15 years from now. But maybe on that 16th year, my entire life can change cuz I might just shake the right hand that might lead me to another hand that might lead me to this building, to this office space. Next thing you know, I everything I have is under my belt. And and like that's the ambition, that's the dream, right? But also, I don't think from it I don't think of it from a money perspective. I have to think of it from a passion drive, getting it from the dirt kind of um uh way of thinking because if it's just transactional, everything else behind it will just die. Mhm. Mhm. And that's the part where like I we can't have that happening at all. So it's, you know, and and like I said, it's balance is huge, you know, being able to put both boulders on your shoulder and still live a daily life.

1:16:08 It's tricky. It's not really easy, as they put it. You know what I mean? There's so many hours I was, you know, on my Mac editing something where I'm like, this should be way easier, you know, and I'm like, I got to look on YouTube. How do I edit this section? How do I and you know, so forth, but like it's also a educational journey, too. You have to teach yourself a lot also. That's a fact. Yeah, for sure. Whoever could this [bleep] started, dude. I had cuz I I didn't there wasn't really any like structure. I was just I was just interviewing [bleep] I'm like, "Yo, we just going to we just going to go." You know what I mean? The next thing I know, I had a backlog of maybe like 30 [bleep] videos. How the [bleep] am I going to edit this [bleep] You know what I'm saying? And then you just you just throw yourself into it and you just you just get used to it. You figure out ways to you figure out ways to streamline the process as you struggle through it if it really matters to you enough. You know what I mean? Um, but n it's a pain in the ass to edit. But it's like when you're focused on the on the end result of it.

1:17:16 Yeah. You know what I mean? How people are going to feel about that, you know what I mean? And think about the weight that came off the shoulders of whomever you were speaking with, you know what I mean? And how much they appreciate you. It's like, [bleep] it. This is worth it. Yeah. Yeah. It is. So it's like, you know, but it's like it's those it's it's it's the tedious [bleep] that makes you appreciate the the the fruits of your labor so much more. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Um given just all this motivational uh stuff you put out cuz you I I I look at your posts and [bleep] man. And it's it's it's it's just a lot of inspiring [bleep] like Yeah. You should excuse me. You should write a book someday. I I mean, yeah, I'd buy that. Yeah, that's that's the goal. Um, and it's like, listen, I with what I try to put out, like I said, with trying to put out value, I want it to be the type of value that people can aspire to and like reach their goals, whatever they have on in their life. you know, if you know, if they saw a post of mine that like inspired them to do a certain activity, this or that, like at the end of the day, I could go to sleep perfectly content with that because you're telling me that what I put out had power to change a person's mind or decision- making.

1:18:38 That's huge. And I'm not even physically there. We're not even within the same proximity, but yet what I put out had that effect. The that's how I have to think about it. And that's what makes me being like, okay, this is this is a lane that I can go 100 miles per hour in all the time because I think there's a sense of magic there, you know, and it's a different kind of magic from years prior this and that, but like our outreach in today's world is so much more expansive than we think. You know what I mean? Like, how am I in America, but yet I got this guy in the Philippines watching my episodes right now. That [bleep] is crazy. Yeah. Yeah. It makes no sense. You know, somebody sent me salutations from Austria. Austria. Like, god damn. My god, I'm out there. Like, holy [bleep] That [bleep] was that [bleep] was wavy. I [bleep] wrote a book a few years ago when a guy from Australia gave me a glowing review. You know what I That's amazing, man.

1:19:45 Yeah, man. That [bleep] that [bleep] is that [bleep] is crazy. You know what I'm saying? But yeah, it helps you It really helps put things into perspective. Like it really is possible to to to be out here if you just stay consistent with it. Stay dedicated and consistent. And like and like even with me like I don't know if I'mma make it so-called big stages, big level or whatever, right? But like I'mma follow what other people tell me to do in terms of being consistent, showing up, doing this. And so far, me following that pattern has led me here. So there's no way there's not magic or um a feeling of I can do it with that. And that's that's my biggest thing I want to try to get people out there is like listen people if are are going to judge you no matter what. You could be you could be at the bus stop literally just living breathing and someone got a problem with the way you look. You're fit. Somebody got a problem. You can dead ass cure world hunger.

1:20:52 You know what I mean? You can cure you can and all world like wars and world hunger this and that. somebody out in the world is going to hate on you. So you might at the end of the day it genuinely does not matter because opinions have no physical implication over your life. An opinion is not going to come and knock on my door because of what I said four hours earlier. And neither is that person because they'll they'll talk [bleep] for 30 seconds and then what happens after? they continue with their lives. Life goes on, right? So, you're only a a figment of their imagination for literally a limited amount of time that doesn't equate to anything anyway. So, with that type of logic, I might as well just go and be creative. And like another thing, too, another point is I'mma do this [bleep] till the day I'm I'm gone. like I'mma just always be a creative in terms of like I always want to share something that like look I made this right you know and obviously as you level up progress the the video gets better the output gets better um camera work gets better this or that um and when you reach those stages it really like concretes the foundation of belief for the why of why you started. You know, I think people lose sight of their why and then I with truthf have lost sight of like wait I like life just gotten so much of a mix where I'm like what am I doing with this again? like I I forget the direction I'm trying to go

1:22:45 into, you know, and it takes like all the pillars, like I said earlier, to create the coal that you can put into the fire to reignite the spark, you know what I mean? Because sometimes we have that fire is burning brilliantly and then sometimes we're left on just burning coals and we have to figure out ourselves eternally how we turn that around to get the light back. You know what I mean? So it's like but it al it all depends on the individual the person how much work are you putting to or how much work are you willing to put in to create the output that you want you know with that approach you have let me ask what pain from your past still influences how you treat yourself today good question Um, I think I don't want to say revenge in like a bad way, but more revenge in terms of like you thought less of me then, so let me show you now.

1:23:58 Oh, I'm You know what I mean? So, like, and that's another thing that's like, okay, that's I'm I'mma prove it to you again and again and again and again. You know what I mean? So, you because you treated me like this back then, I'm going just work my way all the way up, level up myself, this and that, and then I'm I don't even need to talk to you. I don't need to touch you. I don't need it. The best revenge is living well. And that is the key that I'm trying to get to cuz I don't I'm I'm sure brother I am sure I have been roasted. I am sure the group chats have been on me crazy. I'm sure I've been you know for that small group I'm the probably the cringiest thing alive. But to so many other groups I don't even know about. I'm lit. I'm lit. I'm that guy. You know what I mean? And I don't know them. y'all are out there. But like, you know what I mean? I don't I don't know. Uh, but that's the [bleep] where it's like, you know, like like I like I said earlier, put it in their face, bro. Like you you got to, you know, you got to stomp on your [bleep] sometimes. And it's okay to do so, especially when you've been through the trial and tribulations to the to the point where you are now. You know what I mean? I got to pound you. That's real.

1:25:24 I listen. Trust me, I know I've been roasted. I know I've been I've been in a few group chats, I'm sure. You know what I'm saying? But yeah, I mean, it's like understanding that despite that, you are him and that there are people that know that. You know what I mean? But it's like that chip on your shoulder that you can't bite off. It's it's meant to be there. You know what I'm saying? You just got to you got to you got to endure that ache. You got to you got to push through those intrusive thoughts and use that [bleep] to fuel you to just to just to just push to to have that unrelenting will to win. You know what I'm saying? Like [bleep] it. You think I'm You think I'm weird. I'm going to do more with weird than you ever can with. Yeah. And you have to like that's and that's what I mean. You have to fully back that [bleep] all the way to the wall. You know what I mean? Because it's you being your truest self. you you yourself cannot deny you. Mhm. That would make no sense. That equation doesn't add up.

1:26:27 You know what I mean? So, if you're going to be purely authentically like you all the way, you might as well put it in the spotlight. You know what I mean? So that other people, other so-called, you know, weird and podcast, other so-called weirdos in terms of just attaching themselves to a a a a theme, you know what I mean? a feeling of like, hey, you know what? I feel a little weird, too. Let me let me tune in, you know, but like in a good positive way because there's no other weird and podcast, right? There's no other truthful. Mhm. So, we have to be unique and we have to highlight what makes us us and and I think that's that's the way to go, you know, because all I think in the future in terms of content creation and social media, I think the real winners, especially in uh in the turmoil of AI and everything everything being fabricated, I think the the creators who are purely authentically themselves at every degree are the ones that are going to win because they're are the ones that people are going to tune into because it's just purely them. There's no script. There's no nothing.

1:27:40 Like that's how I see it in the long run. Maybe it may change. I have no idea. But I think authenticity will always find a way to win cuz people will always attach themselves to that. M you know. Mhm. Cuz you're not acting. You're just how you were born. You you know putting a raw form. Yeah. For sure. For sure. What is hardest for you to admit about yourself when there's no audience to impress? Hardest thing to admit about myself? Um, yeah, I'd say, um, it's good questions, I say, um, I had to learn how to, uh, use, uh, facial expressions a lot more because like that because that was like that was key because I remember in when I started, I remember being so absolutely blank in the face and like like I would just I would say the most inspirational thing but just be like the whole thing. Not a smile, not a crack, not nothing. And I'm like, you know, it's so ADHD of me to do that because like I said, I had to like, you know, not do too much or do too less, like [bleep] like that. So like I I had to learn how to like one thing is communicating, but one thing is communicating with the face as well.

1:29:16 like a smile can go a long way. You know what I mean? And and you know sometimes I remember I'd be doing an episode and I'd look at the episode and I'm like why is my face so stale? Like you know what I mean? Why is this so frozen? So I had to learn and develop like oh smile bro like you know what I mean? Like say something laugh after. You know what I mean? But like it was a journey. I had to slowly slowly get there and like like in the beginning like I said that's why we for like 6 months straight we just did demo tapes cuz we had to get in that rhythm. We had to get in that practice of like you know be effectively communicating but also like with facial expressions also. You know what I mean? Because it'd be a very dull conversation if you're saying all these beautiful things but you're just like this the whole [bleep] time. Like could you imagine like just like robotic? Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know.

1:30:13 But I ain't seen a smile. I don't know how to if he negative, positive. I don't know if he's sad, mad, like Oh, dead ass. No, but that I mean that [bleep] is real. I mean, especially in the in the game that we're in with podcasting. Like that was a huge thing that I had to like develop over time because it was like, yeah, I can't be doing that with a guest right in front of me. So, I think somebody interviewe recently said that to me. He's like, "Yo, I can't tell sometimes if you're like if if if if you're like if you're like into the conversation or if you're like, how you're feeling or whatever." And I'm like, you know what? Yeah. Cuz I'm listening all the time, right? That's you know, but yeah, my facial expressions just say something different sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. That's the thing. I mean, I might I I think I'm a little I think I think I'm autistic as well. I think that I think Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got to go back and and double check with the doc because Yeah.

1:31:12 Yeah. Cuz there's there's definitely there's definitely some some some quirks that lead to certain disconnections in certain aspects. You know what I mean? It's definitely something to take to take uh to to understand and to do a little bit more research on. I always appreciate when people are honest with me about certain things cuz you know I'm just a weird [bleep] is what it is. And that is, you know, that's you. If that's it, then that's it. You know what I mean? Who are you still trying to prove your worth to through the life you're building? Oh, that's good. Um, I'd say I'd say it's it's just to the people that um not even people. I think it's more so for myself. like to really just prove to myself that like I can be something. I can be somebody. I I can do something. You know what I mean? Because growing up also I was like what am I going to do with my life, right? Like it's very hard to ask a 18, 19 year old, oh what are you going to go to school for? what do you what college are you going to blah blah blah blah blah when they haven't experienced life outside of the institutions they've been in you go through K through 12th grade that's for those amount of years that's all you've known now all of a sudden I'm supposed to leap out of this and just automatically know when there's three million things in the world I could be doing and I just got to pinpoint fun and not take the time to see and and you know see what else is out there. Maybe I want to be a biologist being you know the Congo for some reason getting specimens or maybe I

1:33:07 want to be you know a veterinarian or this or that. So like growing up I had to take the time to explore like what I might really want to do. You know what I mean? And I guess one thing I say is I wish I kind of did this when I was maybe 18, 19, you know what I mean? Cuz I think my trajectory would have been, you know, maybe higher or but those are things that I don't know. But like I'm so glad I started now. You know what I mean? And not when I'm, like I said, 72 and waking up and having a Vietnam flashback regretting everything. You know, I I I'm at least glad that the path has been carved and like I said, I just have to follow the footsteps, you know, then trail my own and blaze my own trail and and just see where it goes for real. Cuz my last question to you on the wrap up, brother, if your current choices became habits for the next 10 years, what kind of person would you become?

1:34:13 That's good. I I think I think I would become more of a developed routined person cuz I there I'll be honest there are times where I still struggle with that like scheduling routine uh maybe remembering a episode or or a post I didn't blah blah blah. So like I I still have building blocks to go in terms of like setting a real routine for myself that I can, you know, fully trust in and develop in because like you always hear that there you hear so many millionaires, billionaires, whatever, they have a routine where they they wake up at 5:00 a.m. type [bleep] They get emails done. By 8:00 a.m. they're done with their morning emails, then they go live, then they go golfing, then they go blah blah blah. So like in terms of that I need a series of disciplinary moments to get me to a level I want to get to just routine in terms of living life and you know feeling like I can uh trust in myself to say what I'm going to do and go and actually do it. Like that's the biggest thing. Um, so I think my dream in 10 years if I make the choices that I'm that I keep making now. Um, that's the goal is to become that guy, you know, in terms of having that set routine, being disciplined with myself, trusting myself, uh, to say that, you know, if I'm going to do something, I'm I'mma do it, you know, because when you don't do what you tell your brain, eventually you can't even trust your own brain because then you can't trust yourself. And that's something I that's a road I don't want to go down. So yeah, definitely definitely important.

1:36:01 That's real, bro. Yeah, for sure. No, it was it was wonderful. Yeah. Connecting with you. Yeah. Yeah. No, brother. Same here, man. Same here. This is um this has been great. I mean, like I said, it's my first time being a a guest on someone else's platform and it's an absolute, you know, privilege to be here and um thank you for inviting me and yeah, man. This it's just great to have a conversation really. So, it's great, bro. Thank you, my guy. This is this has been great, brother. Yes, sir. Dude, you are a highly insightful individual. Yeah. Thank you, my guy. Yeah.